"So, uh, you wanna, like, grab a brew and then make out?"

Yesterday, my best friend and bass player in my Nelson cover band, Danger Guerrero, brought us the terrific story of the bet between Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and the classic 90s R&B group Boyz II Men. How DG didn’t ask me to photoshop Rodgers photobombing a Boyz II Men album cover, I’ll never know, but it was an exciting story nonetheless, as Rodgers and the Packers lost to the San Francisco 49ers and Mr. Discount Double Check now has to wear an Alex Smith 49ers jersey this week.

The reason I recapped yesterday’s news is because there are good, fun and playful bets, and we like those because they don’t require me to read man-on-man erotic fan fiction. Instead, I had to do that because a Reddit user and presumed Gaslight fan named “americanslang59” also lost a bet, and the result was indeed erotic fan fiction that involves Rodgers and Smith. I didn’t think it was possible but the Internet became a much stranger place yesterday.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here are the things you need to know for this story to make sense:

• Aaron Rodgers is friends with Boyz II Men.
• The Packers lost to the 49ers yesterday.
• Wait, did I just say “Aaron Rodgers is friends with Boyz II Men”?

Jesus. I really need to become an NFL quarterback. Anyway, here goes:

According to TMZ, Rodgers asked Boyz II Men to sing the national anthem before the opener at Lambeau Field. Nathan Morris of the group laid a bet on the table. If the Packers lost the game, Morris proposed, Rodgers would have to wear a 49ers jersey through this entire week. Morris would have had to wear a Packers jersey through this week had Green Bay won, but he’s not a professional football player — he doesn’t have to go to team meetings and film room and all other game-prep functions wearing the colors of the opposing team. [Shutdown Corner]

As a fan of Boyz II Men, football, and stupid shenanigans that result in someone famous being forced to do something embarrassing, I should love this story. And yet, here I sit, in a living room located squarely in Eastern Pennsylvania, FURIOUS that Nathan Morris of Boyz II Men is a 49ers fan. Philadelphia’s own Nathan Morris of Boyz II Men, who sang a song called “Motownphilly,” cheers for a team from literally across the country. A team that he probably only started liking because they were good back when he was a kid. This simply will not do. I mean, what am I supposed to do with this information? Next you’ll tell me DJ Jazzy Jeff likes the Mets, or Hall & Oates root for the Cowboys.

The whole thing makes me so angry I could huck a battery at a toddler.

Two weeks ago, the NFL announced that it had signed some pretty heavy hitters to endorse a new line of fan gear for women, and while it’s not as awesome as when the league did this, it’s still a hell of a statement. Based on the fact that women comprise nearly half of pro football’s fan base, the NFL has brought in some powerful female figures to introduce Jane Everywoman to the “It’s My Team” gear, and the first images hit the webs today.

Among those powerful women are Miami Dolphins 1% owner Serena Williams and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is repping her Cleveland Browns gear. Obviously she’s not a Buffalo Bills fan because Jack Donaghy eventually owns them, and he plays the flute, which is worse than the piano. Sports!

“Forty-five percent of fans are female and that continues to grow,” says Tracey Bleczinski, vice president of NFL consumer products. “We do have something for everyone, and this campaign aims to communicate that if you are living and wearing football, you can do it every day, year-round.”

Meanwhile, New York Jets owner Woody Johnson’s wife, Suzanne, is appearing in the ads and she wants women to understand it’s about infusing fashion with a lady’s gameday attire, so she can look good when the New York crowd starts chanting, “Show your t*ts!”

Read the rest of this entry »

The cast for season 14 of ABC’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’ was unveiled this morning, and to answer the questions you may be having so far:

1. Celebrities and tangentially-related people from the world of sports are once again participating, following in the footsteps of former winners like Emmitt Smith, Hines Ward and Shawn Johnson, as well as former hilariously awful losers like Evander Holyfield, Kenny Mayne and Ron Artest.

2. No, I can’t believe ‘Dancing With The Stars’ has 14 seasons, either. It started in 2005, so you’d think it’d have what, maybe seven? But reality shows have seasons corresponding to literal seasons so we’re up to 14, and ‘Survivor’ is about to start season 470.

This year’s sports folk include:

Donald Driver - Green Bay Packers wide receiver and the football player whose name sounds the most like a wrestling finish. I’m calling at least one instance of him running and jumping into the crowd at the end of a dance.

Martina Navratilova - Tennis great and four-time Wimbledon champion. Unfortunately she’s probably gonna get the “WAIT A MINUTE, GAY PEOPLE EXIST? SHIELD THE EYES OF MY CHILDREN BLERGHHH” Chaz Bono dancing celebrity thing.

Maria Menounos - Super hot TV anchor and ‘Extra’ correspondent who consistently reps the New England Patriots and recently gained an increasing fame for losing a bet and being forced to wear a New York Giants bikini with no Giants logos on it that was also Patriots colors, but nobody noticed because holy sh*t her torso.

A brief recap of the remaining cast (including STEVE URKEL~) is after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fran Tarkenton. Joe Montana. Peyton Manning. Tom Brady. Three of these quarterbacks have won Super Bowls, but they’re all considered elite. Much much less importantly, they are also the only NFL quarterbacks to ever host Saturday Night Live. Now, though, they may open the doors to one more, as Aaron Rodgers is rumored to be under heavy consideration.

Rodgers apparently met some of the current cast members during the week of festivities for Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis, and it doesn’t take a genius to realize true charisma, whether it’s offering valuable pre-game analysis or waking up next to Miss March. Rodgers has got it, I tells ya.

Rodgers has mentioned that possibility several times on his ESPN 540 radio show in Milwaukee, and Tuesday he said he met a couple cast members last weekend in Indianapolis, where he worked as part of NBC’s pregame show. “I’m hopeful that we can figure something out there,” Rodgers said. (Via ESPN)

Of course, charisma means nothing if it’s not used properly, so that of course puts pressure on the show’s writers. And anyone who has seen the show as of late knows that they’re not exactly channeling Tolstoy.

Also, those QBs I mentioned before may be legends, but they all also sucked on SNL. In fact, the lone bright moment is still Manning’s United Way commercial.

Read the rest of this entry »

Women be crownin'.

The 2012 Miss America Pageant took place on Saturday night at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino, and I don’t think that I need to tell you any more details because you were all undoubtedly watching, and perhaps betting heavily on your favorite ladies. Ultimately, Miss Wisconsin Laura Kaeppeler was crowned Miss America and as you can see above, she celebrated with the obligatory tears of shock while her peers congratulated her. I assume they all then left for the pillow fight.

But Kaeppeler stole the show early on when she invoked the name of the almighty Aaron Rodgers as she playfully flirted with the QB of the Green Bay Packers.

“If you’re watching, Aaron Rodgers, call me,” she said when introducing herself to the audience.

(Via USA Today)

Rodgers and the Packers saw their chances for a Super Bowl repeat shredded by the New York Giants yesterday, as they turned the ball over four times while Eli Manning and Hakeem Nicks tap danced to the tune of 37-20 on their fresh graves. I assume that Rodgers is pretty bummed about it, but it’s nice to know that he can always fall back into the waiting arms of just about any girl on the planet, including Miss America.

Obviously, we’ve discussed the awesomeness that is Rodgers plenty in the past, but I can’t help but wonder at what point his status as a Grade A Poon Hound switches from endearing to annoying.

Read the rest of this entry »