The adjective the announcers use to describe this goal is Datsyukian (“of or relating to Pavel Datsyuk”), but to me it was absolutely Isaiah Riderian. Watch in amazement as Detroit Red Winger Todd Bertuzzi grabs the Blackhawks goaltender by the jersey and literally punches him in the back of the head with a between-the-legs shootout goal torn from the pages of the latest Research and Development camp highlight video.

Harrison Mooney of Puck Daddy gives us the play-by-play:

It’s the threat of [Tampa Bay Lightning's] Marek Malik’s world-renowned between-the-legs shootout goal that causes goaltender Alexander Salak to cheat to his right. Once he does, Bertuzzi passes the puck forward to himself, then flips the puck up over Salak’s left pad instead.

The NHL season hasn’t even started yet, and we already have a contender for best shootout goal. It’s going to be a fun year.

Say what you will about Bertuzzi (and you will), but it’s a hell of a goal.

Compare and contrast:

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This is the closest I’ve seen soccer get to pick-up basketball, and from the look of things it was almost as competitive. For the second year in a row, Manchester United faced the Major League Soccer All-Stars and soccer’d them to death, winning 4-0 and scoring self-alley-ooped goals that could qualify as late series run Dragonball fights.

In this instance, Dimitar Berbatov (who sounds like a weapon in Goldeneye) makes the Houston Dynamo goaltender look like Brandon from ‘With Leather’ by simply chipping the ball over his head. Instead of going in, the ball hits the crossbar, so Berbatov simply plays it off his chest and buzzsaw kicks it in. The goalie might as well have been on a break. And what did Berbatov think about his beautiful goal?

“I always tend to think my goal are beautiful.”

In a related story, I think I’m gonna try out for one of these MLS teams and see if I can’t get a free trip to Europe out of it.

[h/t Dirty Tackle]

If there’s one thing we don’t cover enough on this blog, it’s the International Ice Hockey Federation Division III Championships. That’s about to change thanks to Israel’s Eliezer Sherbatov†. The 19-year old capped off a six-point game against Greece during the D-III championships in April in South Africa with one of the coolest shots I’ve ever seen — and one I would’ve seen months ago if International Hockey uploaded highlights without an 80-day delay. Who do they think they are, Major League Baseball?

In case you’re at work and can’t view YouTube videos (because you sold you), Sherbatov breaks all eight of the Greek goalie’s ankles by scooping the puck up between his legs, then tapping it in over the poor guy’s shoulder in mid-air. It was some wonderful hockey amalgamation of Mr. Perfect’s behind-the-back towel toss and Isiah Rider’s East Bay Funk Dunk, and if I could do anything requiring this much hand-eye and total body coordination I would start jumping from high things and trying to fly.

Hopefully we’ll be seeing a lot more of this kid, who deserves at least a Daily Motion-level of exposure. In addition to skating for the Israeli national team, he plays for something called Baie-Comeau Drakkar, which is either a Quebec Major Junior Hockey League team or a character from Twilight.

[h/t Puck Daddy]

† Dugout screen name either “EliezerDoolittle” or “SheWorkSherbatov”

As a fan of the St. Louis Blues, I don’t watch much hockey because I like to devote my time to happier things like kicking puppies and swallowing broken glass. But once in a Labatt’s Blue moon we stumble across an awesome hockey highlight that makes me feel bad about all of my Canada jokes. Then I watch anything Mike Myers or Jim Carrey have done in the past 10 years and I’m right back to making jokes about moose knuckle pucks.

But today is a happier day for hockey fans because we have a pretty cool hockey clip to share. Our crack team of researchers has determined that this clip is from a hockey game that took place sometime during the era of video recording devices and features two teams that have players and uniforms. What we do know is that this 17-year old hockey player just made the goalie into his prison girlfriend.

*He actually uses his opponent’s head, so the title is inaccurate, but… HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!

Video after the jump…

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Four seconds is not only the amount of time I would last in bed with that lovely goddess Larissa Riquelme in the picture above, but it is also how long it took an Italian soccer team to score against some other Italian soccer team I can’t spell or pronounce. Just enjoy the quick-thinking of the striker to immediately boot it right after kickoff (seriously, did he really think he was going to get a goal?) and the poor goalie attempting to stop a shot that can’t be saved.

If you are so busy that you can’t watch the 30-second video, the goal happens at 0:12. There you go, Mr. I’m-So-Important-I-Wear-Pants.

Also, listen for the Black Eyed Peas right before the goal. THEIR MUSIC IS INFECTING EVERY COUNTRY.

We finally tracked down some video of Wayne Rooney’s bicycle kick goal against Man City over the weekend. And it’s impressive if you haven’t already seen it. But honestly, it’s still impressive even if you have. It’s so good, in fact, that I’m surprised nobody has come out to say how not good it is. Oh, hello there, The First Post [UK]:

Okay, so it was a spectacular goal. But it was the sort they score in South America on a regular basis and, as Rooney himself admitted, there was a huge element of luck to it. “Nine times out of 10 they go into the stand,” he said afterwards.

Whatever. It went in and it looked awesome. I’m content to let the Brits be the chaff in the punchbowl for once. It only could have been better if Rooney were riding an actual bicycle. Maybe next year.