After a brief hiatus, the Sports On TV column returns with one of the most requested shows ever: Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 16-season strong cultural landmark, ‘South Park’.

‘South Park’ has been around since 1997, and has changed along with the times. When it started, Parker and Stone were getting $1,200 to make video Christmas cards for Fox executives. In 2012, they are influential, Tony Award-winning, multi-millionaire media moguls. One thing hasn’t changed: in season one, Kenny was getting ripped apart by football players. In season 16, Tom Brady is guzzling a Gatorade bottle of a child’s semen. Sports are one of the weirdest, stupidest, most ritualistic and overly-glorififed things human beings can do, and ‘South Park’ has been in tune with that since the very beginning.

So, in the Interest of easing us back into regular Thursday columns, here are my choices for the 20 greatest South Park sports moments. Like a lot of the shows we do, there are a ton of moments we had to leave out, so a part 2 will probably happen. If we left out your favorite moment, or you have something to say about a moment we chose, be sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know.

As an added bonus, participating in the discussion and sharing the column on Twitter or Facebook (courtesy of one of those handy buttons at the bottom of the post) will net you the BAT DAD BADGE. You don’t want the Bat Dad Badge? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.

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Is the Muslim Brotherhood trying to assassinate the Emperor? Get your sh*t together, Rick.

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Christina Hendricks Was Adorably Goth In These High School Yearbook Photos - The most important thing you’ll read all day. Although I could’ve told you that the woman who dyes her hair red in her 30s dyed it black in her teens. [UPROXX]

This Week in Movie Posters, Presented by Newsboy Cat - My brain doesn’t process the Men In Black 3 poster. I might as well be looking at calculus homework. [Film Drunk]

The Dying Art Of Rap Battles & Beefs - |Smoking Section|

The 15 Most Promising Shows of the 2012 Pilot Season - A woman (supporting actress from different TV show) has a job where she’s really great and smart, but her co-workers are all SO WEIRD and it’s just like real life, only even the nerds are handsome enough to be on TV. There, that’s every show. [Warming Glow]

20 Geeky Fake Criterions We Wish Were Real - I would buy almost all of these. Something about calling Weird Al “Al Yankovic” is really funny to me. [Gamma Squad]

Romney Misquotes George Costanza - “I want some serenity!!!” [Buzzfeed]

Bill Maher Compares Newt Gingrich To ‘A Batman Villain’ On ‘Late Late Show’ (VIDEO) - Then he just stands there smirking at himself for 59 minutes until someone turns off the camera. [HuffPost Comedy]

Dennis DeYoung on the Mr. Roboto controversy that destroyed Styx: “I should have had that robot mask made larger” - The most jealous I’ve ever been of my dad was finding out he went to a Styx Mr. Roboto concert. [FARK]

Pilar Sues Deion Sanders For $200 MILLION Because He “Mind Tricked” Her… “I’m Convinced I’m a Gold Diggin’ Ho!” - “These are not the bitches you’re looking for.” /waves hand around [Bossip]

Nephew Sues Uncle for Posting Embarrassing Photo on Facebook - “Would you recognize the man who made you make the duck-face? Is he in the courtroom right now?” [The FW]

What TV Show Do You Wish You Lived In? - Wow, that’s hard. Maybe ‘Family Matters’, because of how hard it is in real life to find love and tradition of the grand design. [Pajiba]

Seven Lies Perpetuated By Modern Cinema - This might’ve been written from the least cool perspective ever. Nobody kisses in the rain? Sex is bad? You can’t knock someone out easily? Speak for yourself, n00b. [Unreality]

Wait, no they aren’t.

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- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

It’s Time To Debunk The Myth Of The Tim Tebow Comeback - No it isn’t, Tim Tebow is God’s special little angel and he can come back from anything. [Smoking Section]

College Basketball’s Best Names 2011-12 Edition - Bak Bak is still making me laugh 20 minutes later. I want to adopt a basketball star and name him Dscheing’sga Lordloveshymm. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]

Radio-Free FilmDrunk: Celebrating Hollywood’s Love Affair With The Cold War - A great feature from Burnsy about the glory days of film, when you could have a guy with evil Soviet eyebrows and everyone could go “oh man f**k that guy” without expectations of tolerance. I sorta miss evil Russia. [Film Drunk]

Goths Up Trees Is Necessary Because There Are So Many Goths Up So Many Trees - Also known as “guys Brandon hates and girls he’d probably try to sleep with”. Goth guys always look like someone from The Princess Bride. [UPROXX]

The Black Keys Trash Nickelback In Rolling Stone, Because Why Not, Right? - It’s weird that musicians can’t say “Nickelback is a terrible band” without sounding like the most pretentious d-bags ever. Nickelback IS terrible, just say so without dragging your cigarette and blowing smoke into your Village loft. [UPROXX]

Old Grandma Hardcore Returns to Play Skyrim - It’s like watching the most offensive, inhuman Gates Of Heaven ever. I love how she’s playing two games at once: Skyrim and “keep my own gross mouth moist”. [Gamma Squad]

ROFLMNBAO: The Best Of This Week’s NBA In Pictures - Don’t sleep on Hipster A-Rod, folks. That’s also good advice for Torrie Wilson. [With Leather]

Five TV Shows As Offensive as ‘Work It’ - ‘The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer’ always reminds me fondly of the Clerks cartoon. Also, the hilarity of slavery. [Warming Glow]

52 Examples Why Florida Is Still The Craziest State - Example 53: I worked at an Applebee’s there for like an entire year. [Buzzfeed]

12 Cute Animals To Watch In 2012 - Even more Owling than the goths in trees bit. [The FW]

TV’S 25 GREATEST MULLETS - IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. WHO IS THE GREATEST TELEVISION MULLET, BESIDES SEASON ONE UNCLE JESSE I MEAN. AND/OR BEAUTIFUL BOBBY EATON. BESIDES THEM. [Huffpost TV]

Sh*t White Girls Say To Black Girls - Also funny: this lady’s Nicki Minaj Christmas cards. Beware the comments on the video, though, I don’t think you can be a black person and safely use YouTube. [The High Definite]

If Star Wars Was Noir Wars - I’m guessing at least 5% of our national budget goes to funding dudes who sit around and keep trying to come up with ways to parody Star Wars. Seriously, how many more ways can you POSSIBLY parody Star Wars? It’s porn! It’s noir! What would it look like if Robert Altman directed Star Wars? Blerg! [Unreality]