I’m not one to typically make outrageous statements, but I would never like to go to prison. I know, you probably think I’m trolling here against our surprisingly high inmate readership, as well as our No. 1 fan Casey Anthony, but I really don’t think prison would be fun. Fortunately, if and when corporations finish taking over every prison in America so they can lock up anyone who even looks at them the wrong way, and I’m arrested for complaining about my Sprint phone’s poor coverage for the billionth time, I’ll at least have something to look forward to.

It turns out that American prisons and the people that run them have a love affair with the national pastime. I mean baseball, not the modern national pastimes like football or crystal meth. And while engaging in my neverending quest to find naked pictures of Rachel Bilson, I stumbled across one Tumblr user who found some Google Maps aerial photos of the baseball diamonds at America’s biggest prisons.

Included in the bunch are the fields at Sing Sing, Folsom, Rikers, San Quentin and others, but I don’t know which are which, because, as I previously stated, I appreciate the fact that my abdominal region has no sharpened toothbrush scars and I know as little about prisons as I should. Also, just to be safe, I love Sprint and don’t ever want to go to jail because I don’t get coverage in sports arenas.

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A transformer exploded outside of my house when I was eleven, and it was the scariest thing ever. I thought Jesus was coming back.

[gif via Mocksession]

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Links

The Internet Reacts To The Death Of Kim Jung Il - And speaking of power outages, watch as 99.9% of the world reacts to a dictator’s death with quotes and images from Team America: World Police, because that’s what they know him from. America, f**k yeah! [UPROXX]

The Absolute Very Worst Movies Of 2011! - Hello Burnsy, I am the director of Mars Needs Moms and we need to have a serious talk. [Film Drunk]

7 Things About ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ That You Might Not Know - Where are you, Christmas? Why can’t I find you? Oh, wait, sorry, I was looking in November. [Warming Glow]

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Second Trailer For The Dark Knight Rises Has Officially Arrived - Anne Hathaway is still absolutely not a bad ass, but okay, this looks pretty great so far. And thank goodness poor Hines Ward didn’t die! [Gamma Squad]

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25 People Who Thought Lil Kim Died - When Lil Kim does die, I want the cause of death to be “choked on a Sprite can”. [Buzzfeed]

Google’s ‘Let It Snow’ Feature is Easter Egg For the Holiday Season - A fun way to ruin ‘Let It Snow’ is to sing the lyrics “let us know, let us know, let us know”. It’s almost as good as replacing “pumpkin” with “f**kin” in ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree’. [The FW]

Top 100 cult films. List fails without _______ - These lists are always terrible because people think “cult” means “a movie that didn’t make a ton of money at first, or did and I just didn’t see it”. Like, how is Lord Of The Rings a cult movie? But it’s always on these. [FARK]

The 15 Best Single Episodes of Television in 2011 - I don’t care when “The Suitcase” aired, it’s still my #1. [Pajiba]