While most 7-month old babies are still trying to understand colors, shapes, people and why Miley Cyrus was named the hottest woman in the world by Maxim, an Australian boy named Ryder is already well on his way to becoming the next great water skiing champion. And sure, I have no clue if water skiing even has champions, but it’s just nice to see some parents being proactive in their baby’s development and not doing stupid things like “waiting for him to grow up” before introducing him to extreme sports.

Now, some people obviously disagree with someone as young as Ryder being placed on a makeshift set of water skis while his father pulls him through shallow water as a means of introducing him to the basics of water skiing. Those people cite silly things like “logic” and “common sense” and “child endangerment” and “life-threatening conditions” while arguing that a 7-month old shouldn’t be water skiing.

But those critics and backseat parents will all eat their words in two years when this kid is dating Madonna.

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I swear I’ve seen this video of an overzealous Seattle Mariners fan breaking it down with his young daughters in an empty stadium before, but I think that my mind may have just finally boiled over from spending way too much time on YouTube over the last 10 years. Either way, this real life Phil Dunphy and his two daughters were among the only people who stuck around to watch the Seattle Mariners pull off an 8-7 win over the Chicago White Sox in 10 innings at U.S. Cellular Field on Friday night.

And because it was Friday, they just wanted to DANCE… DANCE… DANCE.

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Have you seen the episode of “Modern Family” where Luke gets taken to a psychologist and left in a parking lot, and when his parents realize what they’ve done they start freaking out, but he rolls up in a limo and it turns out he’s smart and can find his way home? Good, now imagine that Claire and Phil Dunphy are alcoholic football fans, the psychologist’s office parking lot is Cleveland Browns Stadium and the limousine is the police.

From Dave Nethers at Fox 8:

According to police reports, Anna and Earnest Fugate of Circleville had come to the city’s muni-lot where they started arguing while “partying” before the Browns-Dolphins game.

Earnest then went on to the stadium, leaving their 9-year-old foster son with Anna, even though she was “obviously intoxicated,” “acting loopy, bumping into other people,” according to police.

“Anna then gave the boy to two strangers, who were heading into the game with game-day tickets,” according to the report. The two strangers turned him over to a security guard at the stadium.

A police lieutenant later stopped the Fugates’ vehicle as they were trying to leave the muni-lot together, without their foster son.

“When asked why they were leaving without their child, they shrugged,” the officer reported. “When asked why they did not report the child missing, they laughed.”

Anna and Earnest, who I’m picturing wearing a denim vest, have been charged with misdemeanor child endangering and pled not guilty, because honestly, how dangerous is it to hand your foster son over to some strangers in a football stadium parking lot and drive around drunk without him? If they’re convicted, they could do time. Now a family is going be broken, and a 9-year old knows how to fill a Mountain Dew bottle with urine and throw it at somebody.

No word on whether or not Anna caught her dress in an escalator at Browns Stadium and had to get naked in front of people, or if Ohio is going to pass some kind of law to keep people like this from adopting.

[h/t Shutdown Corner]

Michael David Smith found this Finnish boxing match where the father of the loser, Juho Tolppola, stormed the ring and attacked the referee, who had DQ’d Tolppola for repeatedly disobeying him. And this would probably be the only time I’d endorse parents getting involved in their kids’ sporting events. It gets out of hand in a hurry, which is great. Self-restraint is something in short supply in Scandinavia. That and brunettes.

Newly signed Chargers lineman Jeremy Newberry can't be blamed for a violent streak, drilled into his head as it was by his mother, who reinforced his brutality with money. Odd, since mine did the same with telling dick jokes. Funny how that works. 

Newberry says his mother paid him a bounty for injuring opponents before he had turned 10 years old.

“My mom used to pay me to knock people out of the game when I was a young kid,” Newberry said. “I used to make a couple dollars a game. When I was 9 years old, that was a lot of money. I tried to hit everybody.”

“She don't pay me no more,” he said. “In high school, it started getting expensive for her.”

“I'm not afraid to take a shot on somebody,” he said. “If I hurt you, I'm sorry. I'll shake your hand and buy you a beer afterward. But if I don't have to play you the rest of the game because you got a little tweak or you're injured, my team's probably got a better chance of winning.

Mom is just making an investment in the future. You bribe your son now to hurt some other kids and 10 years later he's buying you a house with his signing bonus. Or holding up banks and gunned down dozens. Either way, you're getting a cut. Where was the chapter on that, Dr. Spock?