Last night’s Spurs/Warriors Game 1 went into double overtime and featured a dramatic game-winning three from Manu Ginobli, but the only thing anybody wants to talk about this morning is the “screaming Spurs fan.”

If you watched the game, you may have heard the dulcet tones of a puppy being born for the entirety of the second half and both overtimes. It was just a lady enjoying a great game of basketball with an unfortunate pitch in her voice, but yeah, it sounded like something that would try to kill you in Lord of the Rings. Every time the Spurs scored a basket I could see Frodo fleeing for his life. For The Win put together a list of “Jesus, somebody shut that lady up” tweets from Notable Internet Types, but they’re in good fun, because man was she annoying.

That “good fun” runs out when you leave For The Win and venture into YouTube, where commenters are not afraid to get INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC about why they hate this lady and the things that should be done to her. For your enjoyment (or whatever), I’ve collected a few of the most horrible comments about the Screaming Spurts Lady. Warning: This is the YouTube comments section, and is not suitable for any audience. Reader discretion is advised.

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I don’t know why this is so funny to me, but it is.

The Golden State Warriors were down by 2 at the end of the first quarter in Thursday’s game against the Oklahoma City Thunder. If you’re wondering, yes, this is one of the most unimportant statistical moments possible in the NBA. Warriors point guard Jarrett Jack knew that something had to be done and launched a 3/4 court shot to try and take the lead. When I say “launched” I’m not using it to mean “he took a shot from far away,” I mean that he literally f**king put a basketball into a space shuttle and launched it at goal.

See that little orange spot at the top of the image? That’s the basketball. Here’s the clip, which may be the worst attempt at a buzzer beater ever.

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The New York Knicks did us all a favor this season by signing Rasheed Wallace, because we should always have his crazy ass involved in the NBA forever and ever until the world ends. Interestingly enough, the apocalypse will be David Stern’s fault, but that’s not related to today’s news. Namely, that Wallace’s season is over.

The Knicks are optimistic that Wallace, who is now out 8 weeks after foot surgery, could play in the playoffs, but let’s be realistic. That would require the Knicks to make it past the first round or at least win more than zero games.

So to show our respect for ‘Sheed, along with whatever sports crap is on TV tonight, here is a woman’s step-by-step process of making a Rasheed Wallace cross stich.

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In boring NBA news, the Indiana Pacers defeated the Golden State Warriors 108-97 last night, and the most shocking thing about that game should have been that both the Pacers and Warriors are in the thick of the playoff hunt. Of course, the Pacers have it much easier, as they’re currently in second place in the Eastern Conference, 8 games ahead of the 8th seed Milwaukee Bucks, while the Warriors are clinging to a small lead over the Utah Jazz and Houston Rockets for the 6th seed, so they need every win they can get.

But we don’t give a crap about any of that because FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!! With 6 minutes left in the game, Warriors forward David Lee and disgruntled former Entertainment 720 employee Roy Hibbert got into a heated shoving match. Somewhere, the scrapper formerly known as Ron Artest just shook his head and frowned.

Then everyone else got involved and the Pacers fans shouted a collective, “Why, I never!” What a terrible thing to happen on free monocle night.

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When news broke yesterday that the Golden State Warriors would be wearing special alternate jerseys that featured actual, honest-to-God sleeves, my first thought was, “Oh crap, Darren Rovell is going to be even more insufferable than usual.” You see, Rovell – who I will from this moment on refer to as Sh*t Biscuit – raised an argument a while back about how NBA teams should make a sleeved jersey because fans (read: white people) really shouldn’t wear NBA jerseys.

The problem with this argument was that while I agreed with that part about morons who wear NBA jerseys with nothing under them looking like shmucks, you can’t just go changing an entire league’s uniforms. And the problem with those new Warriors jerseys is… that I kind of like them. However, in the case of Sh*t Biscuit’s argument that fans could wear them, it’s still a no. Nobody wants to see Glenn Davis wearing a skin tight shirt, so nobody wants to see my fat ass in one either.

In conclusion, if you want something with sleeves that shows support for your NBA team, buy a t-shirt.

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Last week, when we discovered Old Spice’s amazing video game, Dikembe Mutombo’s 4 ½ Weeks to Save the World, and once I was done playing it for 72 hours (catch the damn ballots, you morons!) I slipped into one of my very common NBA nostalgia wormholes. And what started out as a search for Mutombo finger wag GIFs actually turned into me revisiting Manute Bol’s career and subsequent extracurricular activities.

Of course, Bol passed away in 2010 due to kidney failure and a rare skin disease, but his legacy has lived on through the Ring True Foundation, which was Bol’s most important effort in aiding the people of his native Sudan. Unfortunately, as I looked through a number of pictures, videos and articles about Bol’s life, I was disappointed by the overwhelming use of the words “side show” and, even worse, “freak show” to describe the way that some people exploited his height.

What a lot of people either don’t remember – or just choose to ignore – is that Bol traded this perceived nnotion of exploitation to support his foundation. So even when he was “shamefully” boxing William Perry or hanging out with jockeys and riding horses, Bol was doing his part to make the lives of others that much better. After all, the cause may not matter in the long run to a lot of people, but George Clooney thought it was enough to get arrested over, so hopefully Bol has been bragging to St. Peter and the boys about that.

This isn’t news, but I thought it might be fun to remember Manute Bol, not as a sideshow but more of the main event. Big shoes, son of Manute. Seriously, huge shoes.

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