Through some unholy coitus of corporate synergy, several Warriors players and coaches were forced to serve as baggage handlers and flight attendants and whatnot for a Southwest Airlines flight. Stephen Jackson, can we get some witty repartee with a cheeky passenger?
“You don’t mind me moving your bag, do you, sir?” said Jackson, shutting the NBA logo-covered overhead compartments and preparing passengers for takeoff.
“No,” a passenger replied, “just as long as you don’t mind giving me your autograph.”
BAM! That was AWESOME! Now how about an unbearably cheesy and canned line provided by a PR flack?
When asked about what’s in store for fans in the coming months, Jackson replied, “We’re starting off on a runway, so you know we’re taking off this season.”
HOLY SHIT THAT IS GOLD. That must have taken months to think of. Literally months. Whatever Southwest and Golden State are paying their PR team, it’s clearly not enough.
[SLAM Online] [p.s. Note how eerily similar 289's Photoshop is to the actual photo]
Shutdown Corner has a few minutes of gameplay footage from the upcoming Madden '09 that is set, of course, to one of the tracks from "The Power and the Glory". Seriously, the game has a large soundtrack. Spare us the heavy orchestration.
Anyway, the game looks like the tits and I'll be one of the unclean mongoloids robbing the geeks who wait in line outside the store for six hours before it comes out in August. Seriously, I hope they improve on quarterback release times. My 20-22 record on XBox Live is wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.
The video ends with Randy Moss taking a wideout screen and, somehow with the speed of six gazelles on an ATV, blows down the field for a TD. We may have a new Video Bo on our hands. This gives the video the chance to show off the new celebration area in the endzone, where Moss breaks out Soulja Boy's something or other. We appreciate your commitment to an immersive experience, EA Sports, but Moss is contractually obligated to do retarded chicken wing celebration. Quit trying to be hip and get it right. Video games must be incredibly lifelike! The slightest alteration destroys my experience!
/hyperventilates into paper bag
TMZ has what they're calling exclusive photos of Randy Moss at a Kentucky Derby party grinding with Miss Kentucky USA, but guess what, I saved the image, removed the photo credit and "EXCLUSIVE" tag, and it's not really exclusive any more, is it? I also made the photo larger and used my rudimentary photo editing skills to remove some of the glaring redeye, a relatively simple task that that you'd think someone at an Internet giant like AOL could perform.
Anyway, if this really is Miss Kentucky USA as TMZ claims, her name is Alysha Harris and she loves female orgasms — apparently she outgrew her love of unicorns and leprechauns. I can only hope that she's half as awesome as Tara Conner, the Miss USA from Kentucky who lost her crown when she did awesome things like cocaine, drink underage, and make out with Miss Teen USA.
In a related story, I masturbated to a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog. Let me tell you, those girls are way freakier than the Victoria's Secret chicks is what I told myself at the time.
Warriors point guard and noted cool dude Baron Davis celebrated his 29th birthday Saturday night at the Hotel Sofitel in West Hollywood, which was co-hosted by his friend, noted Alba impregnator Cash Warren. I read on a million gossip blogs that it was a surprise party, although how you have a surprise party with a red carpet is beyond me, and I've got a mind like a bear trap. Assuming you dropped the bear trap a lot when it was new and left it to rust in a vat of whiskey for ten years.
And yeah, that hot chick who can't act was there. Only she's not really hot any more, so she now has zero marketable skills. Well, except baby-making. But that's not really a growth industry.
MediaTakeOut is floating some spurious rumor that the girlfriend of one of the Giants players purchased a ticket for the woman who put up the restraining order against Randy Moss for pushing off repeatedly on her face with his fists, meaning he wouldn't be able to play. Except that's not how restraining orders work.
I am [NY Giants player's] girlfriend and I had to tell you about a rumor going around with the players. [Giants player] told me that a big Giants fan bought Superbowl tickets for that woman that Randy Moss beat up and he's paying for all her expenses.
They're saying that if the woman in sitting at the game, Randy Moss won't be able to play because of the restraining order. Slick right. But good for them. The Patriots are a bunch of cheaters so it serves them right.
Also to appear: Debby Belichick, the black child Wes Welker fathered who he doesn't want to talk about and keeps locked in the basement, Bridget Moynahan, the woman Osi Umenyiora shat on, Jean Strahan, Tiki Barber, that girl that shot down Plaxico Burress at the club and Rodney Harrison's sense of decency.
But not Jeremy Shockey, because he's a bitch. -Christmas Ape
I'm a little late getting around to this, in part because of this Philip Rivers of a headache I've got, but mostly because there was a bunch of confusion whether the Randy Moss in question was the Patriots star wide receiver. Turns out, yes: a Florida woman filed a restraining order against THE Randy Moss, and Moss has already denied any wrongdoing.
At Gillette Stadium this morning, Moss addressed the allegation, saying he’s “never laid a hand on a woman in 30 years.”
HAW-HAW! 30-year-old virgin!
In the court papers, Washington says the alleged incident occurred on Jan. 6 at her home. Washington alleges Moss committed “a battery upon (Washington) causing serious injury. (Moss) refused to allow (Washington) to seek medical treatment.” Washington claims the two have been in an “intimate relationship since 1997.” She also claims in the papers that Moss has guns and has “a drug or alcohol problem.”
"Oh yeah, we've been intimate for over a decade. He's got a drug problem or a drinking problem, I'm not really sure which. What, am I supposed to know everything? I've only known him for a decade. How many fingers does he have? I dunno, eight? Nine? How am I supposed to remember something like that?"
