Olympic athletes.

For those who haven’t heard, quidditch is an imaginary sport that was created by author J.K. Rowling in her famous Harry Potter series, and it features teams of young wizards flying around on broomsticks, trying to throw a ball through a hoop. It’s sort of like lacrosse, but imaginary and with magic. Of course, that never stopped scores of hipsters across the world from forming upstart quidditch leagues, in which they dressed like Harry Potter characters while pretending to fly around on brooms.

Translated: They stick brooms between their legs and run around in fields.

So despite this “sport” being based on a magical game from a series of children’s books, the people who “play” it believe that now is the time for the Olympics to take them seriously.

“Most people who play are nerds but we have a lot of jocks or athletes playing this sport as well, some of whom have never even read the Harry Potter books,” Benepe, dressed in a three-piece suit and top hat, told Reuters.

“We thought it would be a great time to piggy-back off the Olympics, being held in the home country of Harry Potter, and show people this is an exciting sport. There are a lot more ridiculous sports in the Olympics than quidditch.” (Via Reuters)

To be fair, I really do respect what the people who are behind quidditch are trying to do with their mission statement of being “dedicated to promoting the sport of quidditch and inspiring young people to lead physically active and socially engaged lives”. That’s honorable, because God knows our fat little piggy kids could use the exercise, lest they end up on Skinny Gossip’s sh*t list.

But to say there are more ridiculous sports in the Olympics? Name them. Because I don’t mean to be a dick, but if your selling point is that quidditch is whimsical and fun while physically demanding – like rugby with knock-knock jokes – you shouldn’t be crapping all over a bunch of world class athletes who have been training their whole lives to compete in these time-honored sports. Not cool, Muggles.

After the jump, the quidditch nerds state their Olympic case.

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A huge thank you to Nadia Chaudhury for capturing this amazing moment.

Back in May, we told you about the Brooklyn Cyclones’ incredible plan to celebrate America’s independence, by honoring the people who care the least about everything – hipsters. Dubbed “Williamsburg Night”, the event was supposed to feature a skinny jeans race and reward people with delightfully ironic beards. Unfortunately, the hipsters won by out-hipstering the Cyclones marketing team.

I was elated when my UPROXXian brother from another hipster mother, Josh Kurp, emailed to let me know he’d be attending Hipster Night last night. Sadly, as he explained via our amazing telekinetic powers, no hipsters really showed up. In fact, that picture above pretty much says it all. Just a few hipsters in their skinny jean shorts enjoying some hot dogs while ignoring organized sports.

As the rest of Williamsburg’s finest said last night, though, “Whatever.” We’re not going to let a poor turnout spoil the fun. With that, I present to you the first ever With Leather Hipster Sports Fan of the Year…

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One of the first things that I plan to do whenever I eventually visit New York City for the first time ever is get 200 lap dances in a row at Rick’s Cabaret. But right after that, I’m going to Coney Island so I can fulfill my wildest hipster urges. Now, though, it appears that I may have to bump that trip up to the week of July 4th, because the Brooklyn Cyclones are hosting what sounds like the greatest promotional night of the year.

Dubbed Williamsburg Night, the Cyclones – playing in the Short-Season A Penn League – will be honoring New York City’s finest hipsters on July 5th with a variety of games and deals, including:

People in skinny jeans, running the bases. That’s all I need. I’d pay hundreds of dollars to witness that, especially since it will probably be 30 people huddled by home plate, smoking cigarettes and texting. After the game, a bar will also be hosting a skee ball tournament. This sounds like the greatest night ever. All that’s missing, aside from the 200 lap dances at Rick’s obviously, is me blasting all the hipsters into the Atlantic with a fire hose. A boy can dream.

If I had to define and specifically choose one dream job for myself for the next 365 days of my life, I’d want to travel around the country, attending the most bizarre and ridiculous competitions. That is, of course, unless someone posts a Monster.com ad for “Kate Upton breast holder”, in which case I will take that, please.

Sure, I could cover the Super Bowl and World Series and that would be cool, because they’re super huge events, and all that jazz. But to be able to cover the U.S. Beard and Mustache or American Pole Dancing Championships would be so much more incredible, because who the hell are these people and where do they come from? I’m fascinated by the strange and extraordinary.

This week’s bucket list event comes in the form of the 2012 Old Timey Coney Island Strong Man Spectacular. Upon first glance, it looks like your ordinary hipster festival, but I feel like once you see a man pull a truck with his hair, you enter an entirely different realm.

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Thanks, Omar Infante, now that guy going the long way around to get a hot dog is soaking wet. (Via Cosby Sweater.)

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Links

20 Of The Creepiest Female Celebrities With Beards |UPROXX|

6 Reasons Being a 30-Year-Old Gamer Isn’t Always So Fun |Gamma Squad|

Steven Spielberg Plays with Laser Cats and Josh Brolin Anonymously Hosts ‘SNL’ |Warming Glow|

Seven Years Later, Sin City Is Finally Getting A Sequel |Film Drunk|

With Leather’s With Spandex Podcast Episode 1: Rachel Summerlyn |With Leather|

Coachella 2012: Watch Performances By A$AP Rocky, Azealia Banks & Childish Gambino |Smoking Section|

The Fat Betty Draper Song Is Finally Here And It Is Glorious |UPROXX|

Stop The Internet: Nick Offerman Handcrafts A Ron Swanson Bobblehead In His Wood Shop |UPROXX|

Ten Reasons To Revisit TRU’s “Hoody Hoo” Music Video |Smoking Section|

Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Looper Has A Trailer |Film Drunk|

The Catholic League Is Irate With Kate Upton |With Leather|

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: Super-Family Week |Gamma Squad|

“Gays Rule, Kirk Cameron Drools,” Says Forgotten Child Celebrities |Warming Glow|

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Ever since that whole “Occupy” thing started way back when, I was always curious as to why there weren’t more protesters at sporting events, railing against those millionaire athletes and billionaire owners for having all that success and money and not giving it away for free. But aside from a few threats of protesting the Super Bowl (too cold in Indy) and World Series (St. Louis fans will kill someone for ruining their baseball), the Occupy folks have been relatively quiet about sports. I figure it’s because they spent so much time ignoring sports as kids, so why should they pay attention now?

Australian world-saver and Occupy “member” Trenton Oldfield is ready to buck that trend, and he began his crusade against elitism in sports this weekend by disrupting the 183rd run of the Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race.

An intruder protesting against elitism and privilege brought both boats to a standstill just over halfway through the 4 1/4-mile race when he swam into the middle of the River Thames and narrowly avoided being struck by the oars of both crews. (Via NBC Sports)

Take that, old wealth!

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