If I had to define and specifically choose one dream job for myself for the next 365 days of my life, I’d want to travel around the country, attending the most bizarre and ridiculous competitions. That is, of course, unless someone posts a Monster.com ad for “Kate Upton breast holder”, in which case I will take that, please.
Sure, I could cover the Super Bowl and World Series and that would be cool, because they’re super huge events, and all that jazz. But to be able to cover the U.S. Beard and Mustache or American Pole Dancing Championships would be so much more incredible, because who the hell are these people and where do they come from? I’m fascinated by the strange and extraordinary.
This week’s bucket list event comes in the form of the 2012 Old Timey Coney Island Strong Man Spectacular. Upon first glance, it looks like your ordinary hipster festival, but I feel like once you see a man pull a truck with his hair, you enter an entirely different realm.
Ever since that whole “Occupy” thing started way back when, I was always curious as to why there weren’t more protesters at sporting events, railing against those millionaire athletes and billionaire owners for having all that success and money and not giving it away for free. But aside from a few threats of protesting the Super Bowl (too cold in Indy) and World Series (St. Louis fans will kill someone for ruining their baseball), the Occupy folks have been relatively quiet about sports. I figure it’s because they spent so much time ignoring sports as kids, so why should they pay attention now?
Australian world-saver and Occupy “member” Trenton Oldfield is ready to buck that trend, and he began his crusade against elitism in sports this weekend by disrupting the 183rd run of the Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race.
An intruder protesting against elitism and privilege brought both boats to a standstill just over halfway through the 4 1/4-mile race when he swam into the middle of the River Thames and narrowly avoided being struck by the oars of both crews. (Via NBC Sports)
We don’t often get to talk about art around these parts, and that’s a shame, because I like to fancy myself one classy son of a female dog. After all, I’ve used the bathroom at the Louvre. And speaking of bathrooms and art, a Taiwanese art student recently answered the age old question: “Is urinating considered art?” The answer? You bet your golden showers it is.
While going to the bathroom one day, Wong Tin Chuen noticed some blood in his urine. While that would make me scream like a battered child, Cheun thought to himself, “Hey, that looks a little like Iron Man’s helmet!” So did Cheun go to the hospital to have his abdominal pains, dehydration and bloody urine examined? Of course not. He went shopping for a new toilet.
He took about two months to find a toilet bowl with a similar oblong shape to the outline of Iron Man’s face. Then he was eating edible pigmentation and successfully produced red, black and green urine. He arranged the colored urine to make it look like the character, and used his saliva to create foam for touching up. He needed to keep adding spit to his work while waiting for the judges to get to him during the contest. And of course, his artwork had produced a foul odor at the exhibition. (M.I.C. Gadget via a delightful attempt by Google to translate the China Times)
“Why on Earth would he do this,” asked every sane person who doesn’t possess a predilection to play with his own urine. Because Cheun won $400,000 for his new “blood urine” art…
Over the weekend, while we were busy with more important things like Tiger Woods’ knee, Peyton Manning’s jet and Dwight Howard’s flip flops, people were gathering in major cities across the globe to help preserve a better future for our billionaire athletes and us to live in. On Saturday, hipsters galore shed their clothes for the World Naked Bike Ride to raise awareness for various global issues, including oil and fossil fuel dependency, traffic safety and, of course, stone cold nudity.
So what better way for cyclists to tell drivers they’re fed up with being struck and killed in traffic than by risking their droops and sags being caught in spokes and chains? At least that’s what more than 300 people in Peru did, as they brought awareness to the 3,000 cyclists who were killed in Peru in 2009. And all 9 of the New Zealanders who rode for clean air. Come on, New Zealand, you’re better than that.
Anyway, this was one rabbit hole of pictures I was not prepared for. Maybe next year I’ll join in ride to raise awareness that nobody wants to see a bunch of old hippies’ penises. Until then, enjoy some SFW highlights from around the world.
Alison Brie And Danny Pudi Perform ‘Everybody Dance Now’ To Close Out ‘Community’ Season 3 Filming - Between this, the faux-Santa Baby thing and Trudy Campbell’s Charleston, Alison Brie is my favorite dancer. Sorry, Jabbazwockee. [UPROXX]
Chris Brown Has A New Pickup Line Sure To Make All The Ladies Melt - I also would’ve accepted, “my dancing looks mostly stupid but people say it’s cool, so date me or I’ll literally murder you”. [UPROXX]
Chris Brown Vs. Seagulls - I can’t wait for him to start abusing animals so people can be all, “what’s the big deal why don’t you forgive him??” [Buzzfeed]
7 Attractive People Landed Pilots This Week, Let’s Rank Them by Aesthetic Value - Worst part about the new Warming Glow — whatever aesthetic makes them decide Kate Moennig is less attractive than Kumar. [Warming Glow]
5 Things Tim Schafer Needs to do To Make His Fan-Funded Adventure Game Truly Great - Thing 6 – Change the name of it to ‘Lufia and the’ something something. Thing 7 – straight up Lufia game. [Gamma Squad]
7 WTF Endorsement Deals Featuring Rappers - If you like Beats By Dre, you’ll love being beaten by Chris Brown! etc. [Smoking Section]
Frotcast 87: ‘Ask a Porn Guy’ w/Seymore Butts, Lindy West vs. Penn Jillette - Again, is Shane from Shane’s World still alive, and if so, would she consider staying in my guest room for a few months? [Film Drunk]
Bill Oakley Tweets Top 10 ‘Simpsons’ Episode Pitches That Never Made It To Air For 500th Episode - “Homer gets a job as a ____. Is worried that he and Marge may get divorced. Accidentally hurts himself!” has been the plot of every episode since like, 200. [HuffPost Comedy]
TMZ asks the question of our time. Emma Stone or Rooney Mara who would you rather? - Mara, but only if she was Dragon Tattoo’d up. Emma Stone is pretty, but too Modern Drew Barrymore Faced for my tastes. [FARK]
Hipster Cat Is the Only Dubstep DJ You’ll Ever Need - Wait, now HIPSTERS listen to dubstep? Get your broad generalizations in order, Internet. [The FW]
Capes? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Capes! The Best Superhero Movies Not Based On A Comic Book (Or Other Source Material) - I like Unbreakable so much it justified me seeing at least three terrible M. Night Shyamalan movies in a row. The Last Airbender was the last straw. See you in Hell, M. Night. [Pajiba]
Watch the Trailer for ‘Marley,’ Kevin Macdonald’s Documentary About Bob Marley - Spoiler alert: Marley dies at the end. Wait, are we talking about the same movie? [Brobible|Alison Brie And Danny Pudi Perform ‘Everybody Dance Now’ To Close Out ‘Community’ Season 3 Filming |UPROXX]
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