People often argue that professional golfers are not real athletes, like football players and competitive eaters. That might be true, but at least they do have to walk the course during competition. Sure, they have caddies on hand to do all of the heavy lifting - lugging the bag around, raking the bunkers, etc. - not to mention those poor souls have to suffer the indignity of cleaning their bosses’ balls (boy, does that remind me of a summer job back in high school - and I didn’t even work at a golf course).
We weekend hacks can always resort to spending the twenty bucks to rent a cart. Usually, you’re still recovering from the 13-14 beers from the previous night, and a cart is always looked upon as a godsend. A nice, leisurely cruise around the course, a Bloody Mary (or three) to wash the taste of weed and hooker spit out of your mouth and you’re good to go. You’re already going to take 100 swings (at least), why exert yourself any further?
The problem is America is getting lazier - and fatter. Thankfully, there was a company out there that realized there was a void in golfing technology for the cross section of golfers who are either morbidly obese or happen to be an obnoxiously lazy hipster and stepped up to the challenge: introducing the Mantsy Golf Caddy, the machine that is half Segway, half push cart. These days, who has the energy to repeatedly climb in and out of a golf cart over and over again? Wouldn’t you rather hop on your Golf Caddy and scoot on down the fairway in style?
Where this little putt-putter differs is in having four wheels, which tends to be a comfortingly large number for the sort of folk who can’t be bothered to (or just plain can’t) walk when golfing. And this is definitely targeted at golfers, with the official announcement set for the Golf Europe fair in Berlin this Sunday. The machine comes with turf-saving tires (whatever those are), 18 kilometers per hour top speed, a range of 36 holes, and holders for scorecards, cups, balls and tees. via.
Brooklyn — the NYC hideout for grown-up nerds (ahem) that brought us whiffle hurling — has now introduced a new "tennis" tournament: whiffle hurling — has now introduced a new "tennis" tournament: Wiimbledon (the extra "i" is for "inane").
Wiimbledon is Brooklyn's first — nay, the world's first! — Wii tennis tournament. Or maybe it just has a cool name. We're clever like that.
Ugh. I'd go do some Adventures in Journalism with this, except it's just going to be unshaven tattooed skinny guys who need haircuts playing video games. A firsthand account would make you feel the opposite of what Miss Sharapova stirs inside you. And we simply can't take that unsexy chance.
