Vintage Promos is a series looking back at the best, worst and most memorable pro wrestling interviews of all time. It previously appeared on AOL FanHouse.

When I was a kid, I was terrified of The Rapture.

Sure, now that I’m an adult, I can see the endless string of End Of The World comedies and laugh, but when I was five years old and surrounded by Aunts who were sure Jesus would be back in the next five years and wouldn’t stop telling me about it, I was terrified. I’d stay up late at night, staring out of my window, waiting for the trumpets to sound and Jesus to appear on a horse somewhere up in the clouds. I was mad that my life was going to be over at five, but hey, Heaven is supposed to be the best imaginable thing, right? I kept telling myself that, and my brain would find its way back to, “oh my God, I’m never going to get to grow up. My life’s going to be over before it starts.”

I was afraid of the Antichrist, and what he’d do to the world. In the late 90s, I finally met him. Turns out he’s hilarious.

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I don’t know, that shot to the twisty lighthouse looks fake. (Via The Sun)

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Links

The Best And Worst Of WWE WrestleMania XXVIII Live |With Leather|

‘Justified’ Q&A With Writers Jon Worley And VJ Boyd |Warming Glow|

Google Would Like To Introduce You To Project Glass, The Eyewear Of The Future |UPROXX|

A Jiggly Scarlett Johansson Highlighted In The First Clip From The Avengers |Gamma Squad|

A Brief History of Nic Cage Being Crazy |Film Drunk|

An Open Letter To Donald Glover… |Smoking Section|

‘I’m Here To Talk To You About The Avenger Initiative’: The Definitive Response GIF Collection |UPROXX|

Meme Watch: Dr. Grover Will See You Now |UPROXX|

The Miseducation Of Nicki Minaj |Smoking Section|

Ryan Gosling is saving chicks from traffic now |Film Drunk|

Bar Refaeli Makes Tennis And Life Awesome |With Leather|

This Sulu Photo Needs More Captions |Gamma Squad|

15 Banned Cartoons You’ll Never See on TV |Warming Glow|

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I don’t want to spoil too many of Next Media Animation’s insane, theological recap of Super Bowl XLVI, so check out the video after the jump. Spoiler alert: The Giants win, God has officially forsaken Tim Tebow, and the Taiwanese are out of their goddamn minds.

Enjoy:

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The way he says “Mighty God” makes it sound like an infomercial. And yeah, none of those things you’re talking about have anything to do with how f**king nature works.

Links

Kirk Cameron Threw Himself The Most Depressing Birthday Party Ever (With Amazing Comments) - Show me that smile again. Don’t waste another minute on your crying, or on trying to explain to me how bananas are evidence that God exists. [UPROXX]

‘Community’ Just Blew My Mind - Unfortunately Dan Harmon has come out and said the episode isn’t as good as we think it is, so uh … thanks for helping us not enjoy your show as much, I guess? [Warming Glow]

Michael F. Assbender’s Hard Drive Is Filthy - So are his teeth. Didn’t he break his girlfriend’s nose? We should probably stop liking him so much. [Film Drunk]

Billy Corgan, Professional Wrestling Mogul - Man, if I’d known we could write about independent wrestling news I would’ve reported this six months ago. Anybody want updates on Honkey Kong in River City Wrestling? No? [UPROXX]

Drake Feat. Nicki Minaj – “Make Me Proud” - You know what would make me proud? Nicki being able to get through a line without using a computer to give her the proper amount of syllables. [Smoking Section]

Jedi Turtles: Need I Say More? - Sure, a little context would be nice. [Gamma Squad]

Lady Gaga Drops F-Bomb In Front Of President Clinton - Come on, Clinton’s vegan and hooks up with chubby girls, you know he says the f-word on the reg. [Buzzfeed]

The 23 Best ‘Simpsons’ Musician Cameos - “My image!” [AOL TV]

8 Things We Learned at ‘The Avengers’ Panel at New York Comic Con - One thing I’ll learn from the upcoming Wizard World Austin: Comic book conventions are a rip-off, and I shouldn’t have to give Melina 20 bucks to take my picture with her. [Moviefone]

Squidbillies Jack-O-Lantern Stencils - Don’t use stencils, America, freehand that sh*t. [Adult Swim]

Michael Jackson’s Neck During Moonwalk Cannot Be Unseen - Finally, something horrifying about Michael Jackson. [The Daily What]

Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner is well-known to praise his Lord and Savior every time he opens his mouth, and that’s fine with me. We’re all entitled to our beliefs, and he’s not hurting anyone by giving big ups to God. But I have to admit, this video of Warner drawing what he thinks God looks like is one of the more awkward things I’ve seen in a while. Apparently, Kurt messed up drawing God, so he says it’s Jesus instead, and of course God and Jesus are two different entities, except, uh, the same. And one of those entities looks like Charles Manson on heroin.

Below is an LSUfreek .gif that has made me laugh at least five times today. Huge thanks to flubby at Kissing Suzy Kolber for finding this.

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