Welcome to another installment of Wild Card Wednesday, as I try to cram together all of the awesome, random things that we’ve been missing out on in favor of the big stories and half-naked Marisa Miller…

At some point on Sunday, Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub hurt his foot and now it looks like his season is over. I’m sure that the Texans won’t completely give up on Schaub until a doctor does something cool and drastic like slam his glasses down and yell, “Damn it, I’m not God!” In the meantime, the second coming of Matt Leinart is upon us, and somewhere there’s a Jacuzzi not being boned in.

Last night, Houston tight end James Casey Tweeted the above image of a local Hooters showing support for the new QB. Unfortunately, after calling the Hooters, I learned that they ran out of space and it should have read: “Hey Leinart, we believe you gave us all gonorrhea.” OK, I may have made that up. But would you bet against it?

I’ve got my fingers crossed for you, Texans fans. God knows this would be my response to losing Schaub…

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This is what happens when you get excited about meeting a Power Ranger.

Links

Funny, Sexy And Austin Cosplay Of The Week: The Best of Wizard World - Relive my hilarious/awesome/unnerving weekend at Austin Convention Center, asking people if I could take a picture of their costume. It’s my Gamma Squad debut (and probably the only thing they’ll ever let me write), so please don’t miss it. [Gamma Squad]

Frank Miller Is A Delusional, Curmudgeonly Old A-Hole - I’m with Vince on the “you’re a delusional asshole” parts, but not on the “your comics are bad” part or especially the “The Spirit was bad” part. The Spirit is so good and I’m living in an empty universe of people who agree. [Film Drunk]

ACW: An Appreciation - The best part of Wizard World for me was loitering around the Anarchy Championship Wrestling table and bothering the wrestlers. To the immediate right of this is my favorite wrestler in the world, Portia Perez, finger-painting something for me. My heart is on fire. [The Wrestling Blog]

Jay-Z Hails As GQ Magazine’s “King Of The Year” - I’m sure this will do wonders for his ego. [Smoking Section]

Don’t Worry Guys, Gina Wasn’t Pregnant - Whew! Now I just need to make sure Phoenix from American Gladiators hasn’t gotten pregnant and we’re straight. I’m going to go see your bad movie, Gina! [Cage Potato]

R.I.P. The Fake ‘Jack & Jill’ Twitter Account - I really wanted that EXCOOLSIVE ringtone. :( [UPROXX]

Football Guys: Mark Sanchez Comes Of Age - Jon uses his football version of The Dugout to make an extended joke about Mark Sanchez looking like Kevin Arnold in his Jets jacket. The kind of thing you should click and fawn over immediately. [SB Nation]

Coonskin Cap Witness: Florida or Ohio? - The best part of a coonskin cap is that we still call it “coonskin”, instead of just “stupid raccoon hat”. I think when you get to the point where you’re saying “I want to wear something’s entire body as a hat” you’re f**ked. [Warming Glow]

A Very Young Stephen Colbert In FirsTier Bank Commercial - His career lasted longer than that bank’s. [Buzzfeed]

10 Reasons Life in Skyrim Will Be Better Than Real Life - You know what I hate about real life? Not being able to stop every five seconds and scroll through a huge menu of options, then leave the menu, hit a button, then go right back to the menu. [Adult Swim]

The Men Who Camped Out for Twilight: A Photo Essay - The Greatest Generation. [FARK]

Remembering Eddie Guerrero - The “Hurt” video loses its emotional impact now that we see Chris Benoit and Vickie Guerrero as different people, but still, losing Eddie was the worst and we shouldn’t ever forget how great he was. [The John Report]

Links

Australia Is Getting DC Comics License Plates? From The 80s? - One day I’ll live in a happier world where I’m able to drive a car and let people know how much I love the comic Prez at the same time. [Gamma Squad]

Now With Us, The Very Public Face Of Grief - I’m happy to have KSK around for stories like this. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

I Can’t Stop Looking At This - Matt Ufford reveals that he doesn’t find America’s Next Top Model’s Allison Harvard attractive, an issue that causes us to come to blows in real life. I don’t care what elite fighting force you were a part of, I will go down swinging. [Warming Glow]

38 Seconds - In all seriousness, though, With Leather wants to wish everybody out there a happy Veteran’s Day. Be sure to check out Uff’s latest piece on the veteran experience, because it’s pretty goddamn outstanding. [The Classical]

Endurance Football, Or, Football Played On A Mile-Long Field - I love everything about this, and am calling dibs on a roster spot should a real game of it ever go down. [SB Nation]

Mark Henry 2010 Vs. Mark Henry 2011 - It’s amazing how far you can come in a year. Also, “Mark forgetting how chasing works” is one of my shoot favorite wrestling moments ever. [Fair To Flair]

Apparently Asteroids Will Have A Writer - I hope this is a success so I can finally get my gritty, reimagined Pitfall! pushed through. (spoiler: it explains why the alligators are there) [Film Drunk]

12 NBA Young Guns To Watch (If There’s A Season) - You can’t just be any geek off the street. You gotta be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean, earn your keep. [Smoking Section]

DMX On Dr. Drew’s ‘Lifechangers’ - He should feel DMX’s testicles on-air to see if they’re real. [RealTalkNY]

First Listen: Childish Gambino – ‘Camp’ - If you haven’t heard it yet, NPR is streaming the entire album for free. ‘That Power’ is my favorite song of the year. The rest of the album is a close second. [NPR]

PWO Four Year Anniversary Video Preview - There are few things in this world I miss more than Cleveland. Check out this retrospective to see who all those Oh-Bro indy wrestlers I’m namedropping in my Best and Worst of Raw column are. [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

Quote Of The Day: Gina Carano Says Fighting An Opponent Feels Just Like Having Sex With Them - I would like to fight Gina Carano. Just saying. [Cage Potato]

Every link in the “sports” section has a colon in it, so please enjoy the visual from this morning’s links title.

Sports

The Change-Up: Five Fighters We Wish Could Switch Bodies - Anything headed by a picture of Crush in her underwear gets a spotlight in the morning links. I wish I could switch bodies with Gina Carano. Also, part of me wishes Gina and Brock Lesnar were my parents. [Cage Potato]

Ed: The World’s Worst Baseball Movie - They should’ve done one of these “animal plays sports” movies with every character from “Friends”. I think MVP: Most Valuable Primate could’ve been even better with Matthew Perry breaking out “could he BE any better at hockey?” [Josh's Websight]

LOLNFL: Training Camp 2011, Part 2 - One thing I’ve never been good at on the Internet is adding big white letters to pictures to make them funny. I’m not knocking it, I just don’t know how to do it. Like, if I see a picture of Tom Brady all I can think to put over it is “TOM BRADY FOOTBALL”. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The NBA Lockout Report: Ron Artest To Play In Britain Next Year - Finally, Peace comes to the UK. Maybe he has no intentions of playing basketball and just wants to break somebody’s window and steal their blu-ray of Rango. POLITICAL UNREST~! [Smoking Section]

With Leather

The Professional Wrestling Divas Guide to Fantasy Football Tight Ends - I’m happy to have helped with this installment of Burnsy’s Bad Advice. It got Chickbuster AJ onto the list and let me upload the greatest picture of Maryse ever. At least, the greatest work-safe one. [With Leather]

Green Eggs And Cam - Still waiting for somebody to notice the photoshop. Getting people to comment on regular sports blog posts is like translating doggone Shakespeare! [With Leather]

Jason Terry Is Livin’ De Life - And if you ain’t readin’, shorty, then you’re part of the hype. He said he’s livin de life, he said he’s livin de life. Repeat. [With Leather]

Hulk Hogan Weighed in on the UK Riots - Hulk’s about to get a naked picture of his daughter for his birthday (not a joke), so read your last chance ever to take him seriously. Because, uh, you’re still doing that. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Naturally Tyler Perry Gets His Own Cable Network, Jesus Weeps - The best joke on UPROXX all week is in this, comparing The Tyler Perry Channel to Hamsterdam from “The Wire”. I can’t wait for six full hours of “Meet The Browns”, though. [Smoking Section]

The John Stamos Guide to Cuddling - Step 1: Have Mercy. [College Humor]

The Ten Most Vile Actions of the Paddy’s Pub Gang on It’s Always Sunny - S.C.R.A.P.S. really needs to be a real acronym. This list is a great reminder that these people have been getting paid well to do things like building a literal sh*t-hole for the last seven years. [Warming Glow]

This Week in Posters: When Diagonals Attack! - Diagonal is the new Blue And Orange. Be sure to click through and watch the trailer for Disney’s weird, naturalist remake of Powder, which exists for some reason. All that trailer needed to make it perfect was “Chasing Cars”. [Film Drunk]

Sports

Gina Carano’s Haywire Has New Photos - I wish I’d been around a couple of years ago to try and convince you “American Gladiators” was a sports thing. I can’t wait to see Gina Carano in movies, where there is a 100% better chance of me seeing her naked. Also, I think the best way to shoot an uzi flamethrower is to hold it as close to your face as possible. [Film Drunk]

Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, and Larry Bird Cover NBA 2K12 - I approve of this marketing, and think we should erase the last 15 years of NBA history and have continuity pick back up sometime around when Chris Webber showed up. [Smoking Section]

CM Punk Crashes Comic-Con - There are a lot of Comic-Con-related links in today’s Morning, but none as wonderful to me as the WWE Champion showing up and making Bill Simmons feel like he’s got to explain ‘worked shoots’ to us again. Here’s a footnote: you don’t know anything about wrestling. [The Wrestling Blog]

Disgusting Video of the Day: Pat Barry Loses a Wisdom Tooth - He needs a pair of jam shorts that say ‘WARRIOR’ down the side so you know how tough he is for doing this. Also, he should compare himself to a warrior or some sort of Spartan every time he opens his mouth. [Cage Potato]

With Leather

Lockout This: 10 Awesome Sports That Could Replace the NBA - Assuming we don’t move forward with my Zero Hour plan for the NBA, these will be suitable replacements, especially “Octopush”, which is about as close to Blitzball as we’re going to get. Luca Goers for life. [With Leather]

The Dugout: How to Pick Up Soccer Girls on the Internet - I think my professional dream at this point is to have one f**king baseball player say “oh hey, I know about that comic you’ve been making for the last seven years”. I still think Farnsworth turned down an interview with us because we’re the only thing that shows up when you google Kyle Farnsworth. [With Leather]

Tennessee Cops Can’t Find Murder Suspect Because They’re Looking at Porn - Lorenzen Wright’s family might be making it up, but it’s hilarious/depressing to think cops have to let dead people rot because they spent too much time browsing for casual encounters on Craigslist. [With Leather]

Taiwanese Animation Covers Yao Ming - Worth it just to hear an Asian lady say “Charles Barkley”. [With Leather]

Not Sports

A Golden Treasury of Photos from the First Day of Comic-Con 2011 - I want to make it to one of these things one day. I’ve been to a Wizard World and a Motor City Con, but never the big real one. I want to camp out for two weeks and be briefly glared at by Kristen Stewart. :( [UPROXX]

The Best of #Justin Bieber Lulz - In case we aren’t all tired of making fun of this kid by now, here’s a ton of stuff making fun of him. I never hear him on the radio and only see him on TV when people are interviewing him about how popular he is, so I don’t know, I think he’s a figment of our imagination. Let’s direct some of this hatred toward somebody who deserves it, like will.i.am. [UPROXX]

Comic-Con: Beavis and Butthead - I’m so happy about this, and the only news that would’ve been better is ten more seasons of “King of the Hill”. [Collider]

Did you expect Zach Galifianakis to ride something other than a Vespa? - No. [FARK]

Couture (L) vs. Bird (R) got a little ugly this weekend.

Randy Couture’s ex-wife and one-time fighting student, Kim Couture, has never been the most popular name in female MMA fighting, as the sport’s fans have often celebrated her bloody and cringe-worthy losses. Kim, 3-4 as a pro heading into AX Combat 1 in Calgary, Alberta on Saturday, didn’t fare too well in her latest effort at quieting those detractors, as Sheila Bird was victorious over her with a scissors choke submission in the first round.

Now the Calgary Combative Sports Commission is looking into accusations that the ref didn’t stop the match soon enough and the hold could have caused additional injuries, possibly even brain damage, if applied too long. But Couture told MMA Weekly that all is well.

“I’m fine,” Couture said. “I woke up and I thought the fight was still going on. Once I realized what was happening, I stood up and waved to the crowd, but I’m fine.”

Well that’s good. It’s bad enough that Couture had her jaw cracked in half and nose broken by Kim Rose during the opening seconds of her first pro fight in 2009. We’d hate to see her get brain damage, too.

Check out the fight after the jump.

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