Washington Wizards guard Gilbert…hang on second. Lemme double-check this…yeah, Gilbert Arenas still plays for the Wizards. Anyway, Arenas was just slapped with a fine earlier today after telling the media that he faked an injury to get teammate Nick Young into the starting lineup.

I went through the game last night, and the first time I heard about his comments, someone texted me last night at about 12:30,” [Wizards coach Flip] Saunders told Kevin Sheehan and Thom Loverro. “So that was more a surprise to me than anybody. My reaction was that was not what was told to me, that’s why it was a situation that was handled very quickly, not only in front of Gilbert but in front of the whole team. Actions were taken, and then what you do at that point, we have to move on.” –DC Sports Bog.

Ah, Gilbert. You’re so delightfully dumb. But his candor speaks to how little the players (in all sports) think of preseason games. Even LeBron had a “cramp” in his game against the Russians last night, which he called “very, very minor.” At least he was gracious enough to follow through on his own lie.

ESPN’s Jemele Hill is reporting that Gilbert Arenas of the Washington Wizards (for now, anyway) has been sentenced to 30 days in a halfway house and two years of probation. He reportedly will not do jail time.

Obviously, this is a fair punishment, since a star athlete would never receive preferential treatment in court. So now we’ll wait and see if Arenas’ $111 million contract would somehow be voided by the team. Legal proceedings are awesome. They’re like street fights, but longer and with more paperwork.

Five weeks ago, Gilbert Arenas welshed on a $25,000 debt from a Wizards’ team poker game, an act that led to him and another player, Jarvaris Crittendon, brandishing guns in front of each other. After yesterday’s decision handed down from Mt. Olympus David Stern, both Arenas and Crittendon will sit out the Wizards’ last 50 games of the season. Arenas, in his efforts to dodge a $25,000 marker, will forfeit over $7 million in salary as a result of the suspension. Shoulda checked the flop, Gil.

Arenas pleaded guilty Jan. 15 to a felony gun charge after a confrontation with Crittenton at the Verizon Center. Arenas, who is scheduled to be sentenced March 26, is in the second season of a six-year, $111 million contract and will be docked $7.36 million.

“Mr. Arenas recognizes that his actions were a serious violation of the law and league rules and were detrimental to the NBA and its reputation,” said Arenas’ attorney, Ken Wainstein. “He accepts full responsibility for what he did, and takes no issue with the length of the suspension or the process that led to the Commissioner’s decision.” –Y! Sports.

Stern originally waited for the legal process to take its course, and as the result of a 50-game suspension. But the ensuing “Finger Gunz” photo did Arenas in. He’ll be fighting to keep the Wizards from voiding what’s left of his $111 million contract. And Arenas has ruined the fun for everyone else; the Wizards, along with the Heat and Nets, have now banned card-playing on team flights. And the entire “NBA is full of thugs” mindset just got a shot in the arm. But not like a “gunshot.” I meant that in a figurative sense.

The Washington Post has reported that Gilbert Arenas has been charged with “carrying a pistol without a license outside home or business, a felony.” So we’re looking at an awesome gun trial and almost certainly a voided contract. Arenas had four years remaining on that contract. Now, he’s looking at five years in jail. Bang bang!

Arenas’s attorney and prosecutors had been negotiating a plea deal during the day and it was not immediately clear whether the filing of charges was a part of the deal. Court officials said they had been told to prepare to have Arenas in Superior Court on Friday.

The U.S. Attorney’s office alleged that on Dec. 21, Arenas “did carry, openly and concealed on or about his person, in a place other than his dwelling place, place of business or on other land possessed by him, a pistol, without license issued pursuant to law.”

I don’t like to see a guy getting charged with just carrying a gun, especially in a legislative no-man’s land like DC. But Arenas has no one to blame but himself. Pay your gambling debts, everyone. Those who pay as they go…never owe. My grandmother taught me that. She was a prostitute during the Great Depression. The Fiat Standard put her out of business. Well, that and prohibition…

The Colbert Report isn’t really one of my favorite shows, but they do a nice takedown of Mark McGwire’s steroid confession that stays true to their form, along with a mock defense of Gilbert Arenas. I don’t really think that McGwire believes that whatever PEDs he was on didn’t help his career, but I don’t think you can make a case for belonging in the Hall of Fame
while giving all the credit to the drugs. But it’s time for a serious question here–what the hell is going on with McGwire’s NECK?! Did it have triplets? Was there some baby fat amputated from there as a kid? That’s some nasty business, bro. How about wearing a scarf next time? –DC Sports Bog.

Washington Wizards guard [as opposed to bodyguard...zing?] Gilbert Arenas is still under federal investigation for bringing guns into an NBA locker room. New information has been released about how much heat Arenas really was packing.

WTOP has learned the Washington Wizards’ star has — at times — owned several hundred guns.

Multiple sources tell WTOP that Arenas moved those weapons out of his Virginia home within the past year, long before the incident at the Verizon Center.

By all accounts, the guns in Arenas’ collection were legally owned, yet it’s unclear how many he actually owned or still owns.

And now a report from TMZ indicates that Arenas is looking to plead down to misdemeanor charges, while the Wizards hope to void his contract for bringing those four guns into the Verizon Center. Damn, Gil. All you had to do what pay what you lost in that game of Boo-Ray. Certainly, that would have cost less than $111 million.