The Morning Links section is all about spreading the love to our friends, peers and Network At Large, but today the sports section is going to be all about With Leather. I feel like we’ve been doing a great job since I came on, and if you disagree I am going to jam material down your throat until it comes out your backside.

And then it will read something like Bleacher Report.

Sports

The Greatest Atrocity in the History of Sport - If you missed this from last week, you’re really missing out. Punte’s story of disdain toward a BMX biker who cares more about breakfast than competition is outstanding, and the kind of thing that should have 1500 comments. [With Leather]

Gilbert Arenas Really Loves Planking - He does, apparently. Burnsy’s gallery explores the joys of lying on things that aren’t comfortable in situations that could prove sociall awkward. Hilarity ensues! And yes, it looks like he’s parking in handicap spots. [With Leather]

Mexican Soccer Fans Are Boorish Animals: A First-Hand Account - Matt Ufford was the King of With Leather in its infancy, and this kind of thing is why. For extra fun, join in the comments discussion, where you will be called a “dumbass” and an “idiot” no matter WHAT you think. [With Leather]

The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 6/27 - If you have typed the words “probably” and “worked shoot” into a sentence in the last two days, you need to read this column. Then, don’t ever write about wrestling on the Internet again. [With Leather]

Not Sports
Okay, now about the other people

Lady Gaga Is A Panda Now - I still appreciate Gaga’s madness, but part of me wishes she’d spent longer in that sweet spot when she was carrying around a teacup and wearing Mickey Mouse sunglasses all the time. She was still hot and super weird, but she hadn’t started digivolving into mantises and Asian beasts. [Uproxx]

BBQ’s & Boomboxes: 25 Essential Summer Songs - Sometimes I really wish I wrote for The Smoking Section. It’s so much cooler than what I get to do. They get to write about “Illmatic”. I have to write about David Eckstein. Wait, hold on, this list has the Kings of Leon on it, nevermind, they are the David Eckstein of popular music. [Smoking Section]

Fun with RottenTomatoes Career Graphs - It’s not surprising to see Chuck Norris and Jennifer Love Hewitt as the worst actor and actress of all time based on science. I still forgive Love for Can’t Hardly Wait, and I’m sure one day she’s going to show up on Entertainment Tonight and be all “oh wait, hey guys, here’s a well-lit porno I taped when I was 22, enjoy”. [Film Drunk]

Ten Toys That ‘Transformed’ Into Television Shows - All I cared about when I was little was He-Man’s Bashasaurus vehicle “transforming” me into a kid who owned the He-Man Bashasaurus. I feel like I would’ve hated these Transformers movies when I was five about as much as I do now. [Warming Glow]

As we mentioned earlier, the NBA is less than two days away from taking a seat next to the NFL at the lockout table, and that means that players are going to have to find new ways to keep themselves entertained until a new Collective Bargaining Agreement is reached. Thankfully, Orlando Magic guard Gilbert Arenas doesn’t have to worry about that because every day is an adventure for the man who recently reunited with Twitter. And according to Arenas’ Twitter account, the one-time superstar has already been keeping himself quite busy by planking.

Arenas’ latest planking exploit took place on teammate Dwight Howard’s Porsche, as you can see above. But Arenas claims that this was his planking finale, one final bang to bid farewell to this ridiculous fad that has somehow killed people. I worry that his retirement from planking may be premature, as Arenas will have to find new fads to keep himself entertained. Just kidding, he’s already got his hands full with more legal problems.

In the meantime, you can enjoy the best of Arenas’ planking exploits – I’m actually impressed by the toll booth – which include a guest appearance from Superman.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ll tell ya, I am one NBA-posting son of a gun today. Speaking of guns, Gilbert Arenas is back on Twitter in case you haven’t noticed, and instead of living up to the contract that he’s destroying my Orlando Magic with, he’s trying to be a funny man again. This time, Arenas decided to live Tweet a blind date that he went on, which may or may not have been fake, but it was a pretty cool story, bro.

Granted, it would have been 10 times better if he was served papers halfway through the date because he has a tendency to stop paying his child support and completely ignore the mother of his kids, but the dude only makes $20 million a year so we should lay off.

Anywho, in case I’ve never mentioned it, I’m a Magic season ticket holder and I pay more than I should to support Arenas’ contract, which the team acquired in a trade that GM Otis Smith made because he’s friends with Arenas and sucks at his job. So I’m very happy to see that he makes jokes about his proclivity to nail random girls instead of going to a gym and strengthening his knees. I can’t wait for next season.

In the meantime, here’s the overpaid comedian’s date recap.

Read the rest of this entry »

Orlando Magic 88, Atlanta Hawks 82

I’m a bit of a conspiracy theorist when it comes to sports, especially the NBA, so indulge me if you will. Last night’s Game 2 matchup between the Orlando Magic and Atlanta Hawks was aired on NBA TV opposite the Boston Celtics-New York Knicks game for one of three reasons:

1) It was a boring game that nobody cared about.
2) David Stern really hates the Magic.
3) The league has lost $300 million in the past year so the network has to make a few bucks somehow.

Despite my tendency to lean to No. 2, the truth is a little of all 3. Regardless, it’s totally asinine to put one of your league’s top stars – Dwight Howard – on a second tier network like he’s George Lopez. But that’s another argument for another day. In the meantime, let’s talk about the main point of the game – the Chicago Bulls are gonna cruise to the Eastern Conference Finals.

I’m not saying the Magic and Hawks are bad, but Colin Firth called them bland. When JJ Redick is the high point of a game, even Lifetime is too good of a venue for these teams. But they have to play, so it is what it is. In the meantime, there’s really only one aspect of last night’s game that is worth noting, and it’s not Howard’s 42nd career playoff double-double in 53 postseason appearances.

Gilbert Arenas makes roughly $20 million a year to be the worst player I have ever seen in my life. He’s Steve Francis bad if Steve had no legs. Even worse, the Magic are rumored to be restructuring Gilbert’s contract to keep him in Orlando for 5 more years. At some point he and I are going to have to sit down and discuss the problems between us. I just hope there’s not a crowbar anywhere near me.

Read the rest of this entry »

Gilbert Arenas has been lucky lately. He was able to escape the quickly sinking ship that is the Washington Wizards after the team was able to con the Orlando Magic into taking on the rest of his contract, a modest $62,000,000 over the next three seasons.

Arenas has already made an impression on his new squad. The shooter (/slaps knees) was 5 of 8 from three, scoring 22 points and dishing out 11 assists in a win over the Cavs last night. Agent Zero had a more impressive feat happen Monday night, however, when he nailed a buzzer beater from his own free throw line at the end of the first half against New Jersey. Except that he didn’t nail a buzzer beater, because the ball is dead after it hits the shot clock. Watch, as he pleads his case to the official like he’s on trial for illegal gun possession (/groans). Video after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

It has often been said after the dismissal of a prominent head coach that “You can’t fire the infantry.” On Saturday, the Orlando Magic actually did that, executing two blockbuster trades that saw nearly a third of its roster heading elsewhere. The bigger of the two deals was arguably for Gilbert Arenas, who finds himself leaving DC after seven years as a Washington Wizard.

The Magic sent forward Rashard Lewis to Washington and Vince Carter, Mickael Pietrus and Marcin Gortat to Phoenix in a separate trade. Orlando also gave Phoenix its 2011 first-round draft pick and cash and received Suns forward Earl Clark.

“We needed a little bit more punch,” Magic president Otis Smith said. “All those guys coming in have an ability to move the ball. After looking at our team through 25 games, we were missing a little something. I thought change was needed.”

–Fox Sports.

From Phoenix, Orlando acquired Jason Richardson and Hedo Turkoglu, who rejoins the team after departing for Toronto as a free agent in 2009. It’s an insanely busy roster shuffling, and one has to wonder now if the state of Florida’s new Big Three will get their act together like their counterparts down south. Arenas, Hedu and Dwight Howard is no LeBron, D-Wade and Bosh, but it’ll be fun to see how close they can make the comparison.