I don’t want to be presumptuous, but is it safe to assume that a guy who orders, proudly displays and probably eats a birthday cake shaped like an enormous black lady-ass probably doesn’t have healthy relationships with women?

I can’t say for sure, but this is the 25th birthday cake of Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson, a 24-year old whose birthday isn’t until tomorrow. Flopping Out posted the pictures from his party and their found their way to Hot Clicks, and soon everyone will be able to enjoy the most urban version of Alive ever. I just hope the cake had vanilla on the inside, because nobody should want to eat chocolate out of an ass.

Personally, my favorite part of the cake is that the baker made a gigantic food ass but still put underwear on it. Is it too hard to bake a butthole? Couldn’t you just put a gumdrop between the cheeks and call it a day? Maybe we’ll find out soon on the grossest ever episode of “Ultimate Cake Off”.

[butt tip to Hot Clicks]

New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries has officially proposed to his girlfriend of six months, reality TV star Kim Kardashian, and the story is ONLY AVAILABLE IN PEOPLE MAGAZINE (or here, I guess)! He proposed to her on May 18th, spelling out the words will, you, marry and me in red rose petals across her bedroom floor. Hopefully you’re already starting to figure out why this story is exclusive to People magazine.

Kardashian, who has gotten engaged, had an engagement party, been interviewed for People magazine about the engagement and participated in a photo shoot for them about being engaged over the last six days, didn’t expect this at all.

“I didn’t expect this at all,” Kardashian, 30, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive interview (out Friday) of the romantic, surprise proposal. “I was in such shock. I never thought it would happen at home, and I never thought now.”

Humphries popped the question with a custom-designed, 20.5-carat Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler. “I just knew I wanted it to be big,” says Humphries, 26, who, with the help of Kardashian’s mom Kris Jenner, planned an intimate family celebration later that evening.

Funny enough, “I just knew I wanted it to be big” is why Humphries was dating Kim Kardashian in the first place. You can find out more about the couples’ wedding plans and see exclusive pictures from their engagement party in this Friday’s issue of People, or you can turn on the television or look at the Internet any day between now and when they get married.

[via ppl]

Lemme tell you, sometimes it's worth being a day late on a story in order to get high-res pictures of the sexy athlete in question.  In this case, Serena Williams soothed the sting of her French Open loss by heading to Miami Beach, where she stampeded around with her boyfriend, some guy. 

Enjoy the photos.  No no — don't thank me, I'm just doing my job.