Sports

11 Questions With Bob Sapp - I don’t think I could limit my questions for Bob Sapp to 11. One of them would have to be “do you think it was scientifically probable that the Great Muta’s poisoned mist impregnated Yinling the Erotic Terrorist, and if so, do you think there’s a logical reason why it would’ve impregnated her with a monster?” [Cage Potato]

Georgetown Hoyas Basketball Brawl In China - Watch a bunch of Chinese Thugs pick a fight with the Georgetown Hoyas. Or, for a more accurate analysis, “watch young people without perspective on the world fight each other for no real reason all around the world”. [Smoking Section]

UFC On Fox - I would pay good money for a The Ultimate Fighter/Glee crossover, but I know it would end with them pantomiming “Love Is A Battlefield” with a big spinning octagon in the background. Glee is maybe the worst thing ever. Maybe. [Cagewriter]

Athletic Supporter: Little League Dad - Punte said it best: “Grand total of f**ks given here about the Little League World Series: 0.00″. [Tauntr]

With Leather

Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Mark Sanchez - Rex Ryan says Mark Sanchez is an elite NFL quarterback. In a related story, Clint Hurdle says Andy Marte is still one of the best prospects in baseball. And he thinks his GQ spread was hot as sh**, no homo. [With Leather]

The World’s Fattest Lady Wants To Be Fatter - Of course she does. Click here to find out what happens when Kaneda can’t stop her transformation in time. [With Leather]

Headlocks Are False Imprisonment - If putting your sister in a headlock can land you in jail, I’m happy the cops never found out about that time I put my friend’s girlfriend in the Liontamer on a diving board. [With Leather]

The Dugout: SFinal Destination - Part 2 will be arriving shortly, so treat this like a REAL Final Destination movie: you have to see the first one or none of it will make sense. Just kidding, a blind kitten could explain the plot of Final Destination 4 in about twenty seconds. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Best Wishes, Tara Reid: Celebrating Hollywood’s All-Time Shortest Marriages - Losing Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Connelly to waifish adulthood was sad, losing busty teen redhead Lindsay Lohan to drugs was worse, but losing Josie and The Pussycats-era Tara Reid to whatever happened to Tara Reid is the worst. She was SO CUTE, ARGH. [UPROXX]

Armond White’s 30 Minutes or Less Review Is a Masterpiece - Every lame nerd you’ve argued with on the internet should aspire to be Armond White. New professional goal: use the term “bourgeois” in a baseball recap. [Film Drunk]

TV Chefs Be Fightin’ - Hopefully this leads to Giada de Laurentiis killing Bobby Flay with a javelin, or any kind of large spear. I’m weird, I just want to see Giada in her own Conan The Barbarian thing. [Warming Glow]

What’s the most unfortunately-named band you could possibly think of to play a 9/11 concert? - I was gonna go with …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead, but this is pretty good too. [FARK]

#1 North Carolina defeated #6 Duke in Durham last night 76-68 to even the season series and lock-up the top seed in the ACC tournament. Is this the best rivalry in sports or what? Um, I'll take the 'or what' and ponder the question while I look at some more pics of lovely Antonella. 

In Big East action, the Jesuits from D.C. beat Rick Pitino's depleted Louisville squad 55-52 to claim their second straight conference title. Meanwhile, Pitino's former team, the Providence Friars, lost to Villanova 73-63. This means if DePaul can somehow defeat Pittsburgh today, the mighty Blue Demons would secure the last seed in the Big East tournament. Undoubtedly, they will begin their historic run to San Antonio at Madison Square Garden as everybody knows they excel in tourney play. I felt a little like a traitor rooting for the Augustinians to best the Friars since the good Dominican sisters taught me everything (and I mean everything) I know. The Good Lord knows I would like every Catholic school go to the conference tourney except for those dastardly black robes from Milwaukee and Georgetown, but you can't fight a vast Vatican conspiracy. Sure, you think I'm crazy, but wait 'til the truth is revealed in the next thriller by Dan Brown.

Oh yeah, UCLA won an exciting game, and John Wooden is being treated for a rapid heart rate — probably because he read Monday Morning Punter's post on the Bruins. -KD         

Wow, quite exciting NCAA tournament matches last night.  And at least we'll get to see some higher-seeded unknowns play in the Elite Eight, like #3 Oregon.  Oh, forget it.  How are we supposed to taunt the NCAA Selection Committee with catcalls of "Your seeding acumen is laughable!"  Anyway, no surprise that the the only Jesuit institution left in the tourney cheated to win.  

[Jeff] Green squeezed between two defenders, spun and banked in a short, off-balance shot with 2.5 seconds to play to lead Georgetown to a 66-65 victory over Vanderbilt in the East Regional semifinals Friday night.  Replays seemed to suggest Green traveled by picking up his pivot foot. None of the three officials saw it that way.

I have no love for robber barons or their universities, but methinks some minions of Pope Benedict XVI discussed how traveling infractions apply to Catholics with the three officials before the game.  If Clark Kellogg can recognize a violation, the only way to explain the referees' blindness is that the fix was in. 

North Carolina also cheated by scoring 18 points in a row without letting USC score any.  That's not very sporting.  Future psychiatrists will undoubtedly be trained by watching Tim Floyd's descent into madness during the second half. -KD