Links

The 2011-2012 Indianapolis Colts Survival Guide In Three Steps - Step 4: Completely stop playing until Peyton Manning comes back. Step 5: Black uniforms. [Smoking Section]

GSP Sucks At Track - This is like a Powerade commercial done in reverse, and reminds me a little of that episode of “Full House” where the guys have a footrace and Danny takes Joey into the octagon and beats the dogsh*t out of him. [Cage Potato]

Wild Card, Kitten Mittens, Green Man, Milk Steak, And F*ck Yeah Tumblrs: An Interview With Charlie Day - Whoever got us a Charlie Day interview, please, get me an interview with the guy who plays Cricket so I can ask him at least 50 questions about being The Hutch on “The Joe Schmo Show”. [UPROXX]

Texts From Pawnee, Where ‘Parks And Recreation’ Hilariously Meets Texts From Last Night - This show cannot return soon enough, although we’re entering the “when The Office started getting bad” season, so I’m remaining cautious. [UPROXX]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 9/13 - Wrestling happened, and I’m going on vacation starting tomorrow afternoon, so read this ASAP. [With Leather]

Dwarf Who Played Gordon Ramsay in Porn Eaten By Badgers - Maybe the best headline of all time. Now if only someone could fill a failing restaurant with beavers and have them kill Robert Irvine. [Film Drunk]

Baby Cthulhu Is Adorable, Evil Incarnate - Man, Cthulhu is in everything now. When I was little, the only way I could get Cthulhu is by reading weird older people comic books. [Gamma Squad]

Here Is a Horse Pooping on Children’s TV - This wouldn’t be a big deal if the young people of today’s world weren’t all Rod and Todd Flanders. [Warming Glow]

Playboy October 2011 Issue Will Sell For 60 Cents! - If they want to be like Playboy from the 60s, maybe they can turn down the airbrushing a little. I can draw boobs on a napkin and have them look more realistic than what usually shows up in Playboy. [Buzzfeed]

Danny Glover one-ups the people who wear Crocs in public - He’s getting too old for this shirt. [FARK]

17 Things You Might Not Have Known About ‘The Lion King’ - I hate the Lion King so much. It was the first time in my life when I noticed something was a hacky rip-off, but nobody cared and told me things like “you think too much”! They should re-release The Lion King in 1D. [Moviefone]

Predicting How Many Episodes the Network TV’s New Fall Shows Will Last - USA shows passing off glancing white people as characters, 4-10 seasons. Everything else is already canceled. Stay tuned for season 14 of “In Plain Sight!” [Pajiba]

UFC 124 happened over the weekend, and Geogres St-Pierre made another convincing argument for him to be considered the strongest pound-for-pound fighter in mixed martial arts. GSP spent 25 minutes demolishing Josh Kostcheck (pictured) on his way to a unanimous decision in the main event of MMA’s biggest promotion.

Georges St. Pierre kept most of the fight up top and put on a striking clinic. GSP peppered Koscheck with jabs, strikes, knees, and kicks for about four of the five rounds. Koscheck got a brief takedown in Round 1, but the two didn’t go back to the ground until Round 4. GSP’s training with famed boxing trainer Freddie Roach obviously paid dividends because he was more fast, elusive, and accurate than in any of his past fights.

–Camel Clutch Blog.

And now we can listen to everyone refer to GSP as the San Antonio Spurs of the MMA. That is to say, the guy wins, but he’s boring. Most people are hoping that St-Pierre will put on weight and fight UFC middleweight champ Anderson Silva, and really, if dude has a chance to get fat for work, he should jump on it. Look how well it worked out for Russell Crowe.

This was on TSN, so it’s either really happening or all of Canada has lost their minds. I honestly am not sure which outcome is more probable. UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre and NHL tough guy Georges Laraque, who played in 25 games for the Montreal Canadiens before being cut last month.

“On the ice I would never go against him, he’s going to beat me and I agree with that 100 percent, but on the floor I have no problem,” GSP added.

St-Pierre currently weighs 190 pounds, while Laraque tips the scales at 270 pounds, something the former NHL tough guy thinks will work in his favour.

“I think because of the weight difference he’s going to have a hard time,” said Laraque. “I want to pick him up and body slam him.” –TSN [Canada]

Good luck with that, Georgie. I’d rather wrestle an alligator. At least that way, if things get out of hand, you can always get somebody to shoot the gator. The “match” is happening at St-Pierre’s Tristar gym in Montreal, and then after that, they should go to the Bell Centre and fight on ice skates, just to be fair. They’re all about fairness and sharing in Canada. I was in Windsor last month and I saw two homeless guys with half a beard each. What a country.

The Super Bowl blotted out all other sporting events this weekend, and that’s too bad*, because there was some outstanding action in other arenas.

RAFAEL NADAL IS A BADASS – Nadal, whose five-set semifinal match was the longest in Australian Open history (5 hours, 14 minutes), had one day less to prepare for the final than Roger Federer, and Nadal still beat him — in five sets that took almost four and a half hours.  Then Federer cried.  Awesome.

GEORGES ST-PIERRE: ALSO A BADASS — GSP’s domination of a completely overmatched BJ Penn at uFC 94 started talk of the French Candian taking on middleweight champion Anderson Silva for the sport’s next “superfight.”  However, the fight I’m looking forward to most is Jon Jones versus anyone at all.  His unanimous decision over Stephan Bonner was the most entertaining fight of the night.

HOCKEY, BASKETBALL STILL GOING ON – I just wanted to make them feel special.  Just eleven days until the NBA’s All-Star weekend, so that’s something to kind of look forward to.  I guess.

*not really

Tomorrow’s UFC 94 ticket offers the most anticipated MMA fight since Randy Couture returned to the UFC to fight Brock Lesnar, as lightweight champ B.J. Penn will attempt to become the first fighter to hold belts in two weight classes when he takes on welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre.

Eagerly anticipating the event, I conversed with Sports Illustrated writer L. Jon Wertheim, author of Blood in the Cage, a book that details the parallel stories of the UFC — which went from freakshow curiosity to worldwide phenomenon — and Pat Miletich, the legendary MMA fighter who started out as a hard-luck drunken brawler in Iowa.

The following Q&A happened over email, and has been edited for clarity.

With Leather: Regarding the early days of the UFC, you wrote, “With a minimum spent on promotion, 80,000 households — culled from a 12-million household universe — paid $14.95 apiece to watch this strange curiosity.  Given that the first-place prize was only $50,000, the total purse barely $100,00, the production budget roughly $500,000… well, you do the math.”  Actually, how about this: YOU do the math.  I’m here to read about fighting, not do story problems.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait.

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