"I have no reason to hug her except for my love of having boobs pressed against me."

As is superstar standard for this NBA Lockout, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Paul donated their time to a good cause on Saturday, joining First Lady Michelle Obama and a bunch of young people from bands and TV shows I’ve never heard of at Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play. The event turned out to be the largest in its history, undoubtedly due to the muscle flexed by the NBA stars and especially Obama, who was pushing her youth fitness agenda so our kids don’t all end up competing for the World’s Fattest Woman title.

We’re pretty tough on James around these parts, what with our discontent for his robot-like demeanor and arrogant indifference toward the blue collar NBA fans, but I have to say that I’m impressed with the new person he’s trying so hard to become. I don’t know if he hired a new friend to tell him that being nice to people and not being a dick will make us stop “hating” on him, but it’s nice to see that he’s taking a step in the right direction.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to hate just a little bit. As a tubby tub of lard tub, I can definitely appreciate the cause of educating our fatty kids on physical fitness, so it’s cool that James and Wade would take part in this. However, three of the biggest stars in the NBA should be spending a little more time getting paychecks for their peers. These are the guys who need to step up and take on the owners (and agents) in between being doused with green slime. Otherwise, their teammates will be their greatest charity.

Read the rest of this entry »

New York Jets linebacker Bart Scott trademarked the phrase “Can’t wait” earlier this year after he first said it in a playoff postgame interview, and he figured that if anyone was going to make money from the phrase it was going to be him. Of course that doesn’t count for my new line of “Can’t Wait” t-shirts that I made for armless restaurant employees. *rim shot* Thank you.

But instead of a simple line of New York Jets t-shirts, presumably modeled after Ed Hardy and Tapout for fan preference, made by Scott and for Scott’s wallet, he surprised everyone this week with an incredibly selfless and generous alternative. He’s donating all proceeds to former Rutgers player Eric LeGrand, who was paralyzed last year in game against Army in the Jets’ New Meadowlands Stadium*. It’s a pretty nice gesture, especially since Scott has never even met LeGrand.

Read the rest of this entry »