The best part of Major League Baseball’s winter meetings – or only good part if your team doesn’t make any big moves and settles for Ryan Theriot – is the rumor mill, mainly because for every deal that doesn’t happen, we get a filler story. And the filler story du jour involves Gary Sheffield’s crazy ass and the crazier reporters who are deciphering his quotes to the context that best fits their stories.

Sheffield, who last played for the New York Mets in 2009, told MLB.com’s Harold Reynolds that he’s in beautiful and exotic Orlando because his newest gig is as a consultant for some players, but then he gave us all plenty of fodder when he responded to the question of whether or not he could still play. And of course that means everyone is reporting that he still wants to play. But here’s what he actually said…

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Outfielder Gary Sheffield will have to hit is 500th home run for some other team. The 40-year-old, who was struggling in spring training, was cut by the Tigers earlier today. But the $14 million on his deal this season was guaranteed, so he’ll get paid anyway.

There’s no indication whether Sheffield would still get his money if he signed with another team, and I’m not knowledgeable enough to make a guess either way. The Detroit Free Press is reporting that Sheff’s first choice would be to play close to home with the Rays.

I can’t think of anyone that I would pay $14 million to never see again, especially when he stands on the cusp of history. Not that hitting 500 home runs is “history.” Bombing Pearl Harbor, curing polio, banging Cindy Crawford. Those are the only things that the sons of history truly remember.

|via GameOn|

Oh, thank heavens baseball returned last night.  How did we ever get through one whole night without the drone of announcers over inaction?

NL — David Wright's two-run blast in the top of the ninth was the linchpin of a four-run rally that carried the Mets past the Reds in a 10-8 win, New York's 10th straight victory.  Billy Wagner reportedly pitched a perfect ninth for the save, but I'm not inclined to believe that… The Cardinals hit four solo shots off Jake Peavy — and not much else — in a 4-3 victory over San Diego.  The Padres' ace fell to 7-6, while Cards starter Kyle Lohse improved to 12-2… The only other game was Pirates-Rockies, and I'm not dignifying that with a recap.

AL –  Home runs from Gary Sheffield, Brandon Inge, and Marcus Thames powered Detroit over the Orioles, 6-5.  Sheffield' power surge after a disastrous first half came after a former player made a suggestion to Tigers skipper Jim Leyland over the break, which Sheff implemented.  "I'm not one of those guys who's not approachable. I try to take advice from everybody else," Sheffield actually said.  He then added, "Fuck off."

Golf — British Open muthafuckas!!!  After one day at Royal Birkdale — la dee dah, your majesty — Rocco Mediate, the U.S. Open's lovable underdog, had a share of the lead at 1-under.  In today's action, the weather sucks and Greg Norman has now taken the lead.  Awww, that'd be great to see him competing for the championship on the last day.  I haven't seen him massively choke in years.

Thank God for Gary Sheffield! YouTube was making me go crazy. Seriously. Every third "sports" video on there is of some ugly-ass woman bodybuilder posing. There are millions of 'em. A-Rod must love it. Anyway…

Gary Sheffield asserts black and white players are treated differently under Yankees manager Joe Torre, says Derek Jeter "ain't all the way black," and denies he ever has used steroids because "steroids is something you shoot in your butt," in an upcoming interview with Andrea Kremer. Yeah, he's pretty reserved.

All of Sheff’s quotes are fantastic, but this early exchange between the two had me on the floor:

Kremer asks Sheffield how one man can have so much chaos in his life. "Bad choice of women," he says.

"That's way weak, man," Kremer says. "All the turmoil in your life is because of women?"

"Yeah," he says.

Kremer then asks him whether he takes any responsibility for it. "I picked 'em," he says.

HBO's "Real Sports" debuts at 10 p.m. this Tuesday night. Not that'll I be watching. I just read the whole damn interview here. *Shrugs* They really didn’t think this through, eh. -Skeets & Ladders

By now you've certainly heard of Gary Sheffield's expert sociological analysis of major league baseball's minority population.  It's kind of complex, and it's unlikely you'll be able to comprehend it if you don't have your doctorate, but I'll try to explain it terms you can understand: the influx of Latino MLB players has coincided with the drop-off in black players because you can control the Hispanics but not the blacks, dawg.

"I called it years ago. What I called is that you're going to see more black faces, but there ain't no English going to be coming out. … [It's about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do — being able to control them.  Where I'm from, you can't control us.  You might get a guy to do it that way for a while because he wants to benefit, but in the end, he is going to go back to being who he is.  And that's a person that you're going to talk to with respect, you're going to talk to like a man.  These are the things my race demands.  So, if you're equally good as this Latin player, guess who's going to get sent home?  I know a lot of players that are home now can outplay a lot of these guys."

I'd say that about sums it up.  It couldn't have less to do with young blacks in America playing other sports, or the "fact" that young Latin Americans eat, sleep, and breathe baseball.  In reality, America is chock-full of young blacks who can outplay Albert Pujols, Manny Ramirez, and Vlad Guerrero.  But Bud Selig put them all in prison because he's racist.  True story.