Add Gary Matthews to the list of obvious steroid users who will never be officially convicted of any cheating. The Angels, justifiably eager to get out of the idiotic five-year, $50-million contract they gave Matthews over the off-season, recently learned that they're SOL:

After an initial review, lawyers advising the Angels have indicated the team probably would not have grounds to void the contract of outfielder Gary Matthews Jr. even if prosecutors can prove he received an illegal shipment of human growth hormone. In the absence of a criminal conviction, the Angels probably could not void the contract, even if they would want to do so, according to two highly placed baseball sources.

Okay, so the Angels are still looking good. All they need is a criminal conviction… except Matthews hired Robert Shapiro, best known as OJ Simpson's defense attorney.

So there you go. If history has taught us anything, it's that Matthews will never get convicted of anything, even though he murdered his ex-wife and her friend in cold blood.

Pictured: Kim Kardashian, whose father, Robert Kardashian, worked with Shapiro on the Simpson case. So: totally relevant.

Bad news for all the athletes buying steroids on the Internet. Steroid Nation points out that a yearlong investigation has resulted in a huge bust in Orlando, and I've got a feeling that this is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of us learning in no uncertain terms which cheating fuckfaces have been using steroids.

More than two dozen doctors, pharmacists and business owners have been, or will be, arrested in the coming days on sealed indictments charging them with various felonies for unlawfully distributing steroids and other controlled substances, records show.

The customers include Los Angeles Angels centerfielder Gary Matthews Jr., according to sources with knowledge of the investigation.

Sources also said New York Bureau of Narcotics Enforcement investigators recently interviewed a top physician for the Pittsburgh Steelers about his alleged purchase last year of roughly $150,000 of testosterone and human growth hormone.

Whoa, whoa. Why would the Pittsburgh Steelers need so much testosterone and HGH? Certainly demure, classy athletes like Joey Porter don't have any surplus of testosterone. Extra testosterone would make him combative and aggressive.

And what would Gary Matthews, Jr do with performance enhancers? Use them during a contract year to produce numbers markedly better than his previously mediocre career had seen him capable of? That's hard to believe.