As a kid who grew up fearing the pink aisle because of what it said about me, I’m happy kids like this are starting to exist.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I spent Christmas Eve facepalming in Cowboys Stadium and I don’t even like the Cowboys. If you got gifts and want to let strangers know about them, tell us what you got in the comments section below. We’ve got staggered, “thread” style commenting enabled now, so people can troll you directly.

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Links

On A Christmas Story, Its Lessons For Hip-Hop & Biggie Smalls - “Rich and chocolate like Ovaltine!” – Ludacris, probably [Smoking Section]

New And Improved And Watchable Jingle All The Way - This makes me want to spend all day watching Commando. [UPROXX]

The 100 Greatest Christmas Shows - My pal Mike Westfall’s list from 2004, which sadly cannot include Annie Edison putting baby Jesus in the tree. Still a pretty definitive list. [Progressive Boink]

All I Want For Christmas Is A ‘Game Of Thrones’ Teaser And A Fresh Prince Reunion - My weirdest and most Abed-like career goal is to buy (or recreate) the set from The Fresh Prince, live there, and occasionally have James Avery stop by and hang out with me. Getting him to say WHAT THE BLAZES would be a bonus. [Warming Glow]

20 Screaming Santa Visits - I feel like kids who cry on Santa’s lap are fundamentally wrong, and this should be an indicator that what you’re doing isn’t working. A child should not be terrified of someone who wants to give them tons of gifts and already has their parents’ permission. They’re going to suck when they get older. [Buzzfeed]

The Colts Choked When They Tried To Suck - That gif is just the greatest thing in the world. And yes, the Texans blowing that game was a Christmas present to Indianapolis and/or St. Louis, you can’t convince me otherwise. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Hey Zelda Fans – The Timeline Exists, And Here It Is - I can’t believe I’m actually looking at this thing. It’s like I’ve found my way to El Dorado. [Gamma Squad]

Every Batman Suit Ever - Also, a great reminder that everything ever said by Batman not written for The Animated Series or the Justice League cartoon is f**king stupid sounding. [Film Drunk]

The 25 Greatest MMA Photos Of 2011 - MMA would be 100% better if they didn’t do that forced staredown thing every single time. Also, pro wrestling would be better if they didn’t try to do the MMA staredown for their video packages every week. [Cage Potato]

Lindsey Vonn Says She Isn’t Dating Tim Tebow - … but isn’t “opposed” to dating him. Well, hopefully that changed after this weekend. [Sportress Of Blogitude]

ACW: Delusions Of Our Childish Days 2011 - The Dirty Dirty Sheets review of the latest Anarchy show in Austin. Still not 100% on why I’m not their correspondent for these things, but hey. Rachel Summerlyn in a Santa suit. [DirtyDirtySheets]

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Links

Direct Messaging For UPROXX Commenters Is Here! - I’m still not 100% on why this is necessary, but hey, new feature! [UPROXX]

The Best Of #Troy And Abed - Cool. Cool cool cool. [UPROXX]

Re-Take: 25 Celebs Playboy Should Have Spent A Million Bucks On - Some of these are great, but come on, Christina Hendricks? She’s pretty, but the Playboy Photoshoppers would break their hands. [Smoking Section]

If Your 5 Favorite Memes Offered Online Degrees - None of these are as funny as the Education Connection Girl. “I WENT on the inter-NET!” Fantasy threesome: me, Flo from Progressive, the Education Connection lady. [Gamma Squad]

James Franco Reviewed Twilight - So did I. “Twilight is terrible, everybody knows that, right? Okay, the end.” [Film Drunk]

Game of Thrones Teaser Trailer: Needs More Tyrion Bitch-Slapping Joffrey - I was going to watch season one of ‘Game Of Thrones’, but then I took an arrow in the knee. [Warming Glow]

This Jim Henson Tribute Art Show Rainbow Connects With Our Hearts - Argh, my heart. Seriously, even pictures of Jim Henson make me want to burst into tears now. [UPROXX]

The Best And Horrifically Worst Of The 2011 Air Sex World Championships - In case you missed it yesterday, here are a few of the bravest people in Texas making love to ghosts. [With Leather]

Plastic Bag Turns Boring TV Interview Into Must-See TV - This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. [The FW]

Friendly Waving Bear Is Friendly, Waving - I don’t know if Reddit knows it or not, but YouTube is FULL of videos of bears waving. I’m surprised this isn’t a thing already. [High Definite]

Game Over: The Greatest Video Game Maneuver Ever Accomplished - Like every story you’ve heard someone tell a cashier at Gamestop come to life. Let’s get the Mythbusters or whoever to see if somebody could do this in real life. [Unreality]

25 Things You Didn’t Know About Three Amigos - haha I didn’t know there were 25 THINGS about Three Amigos. [Moviefone]

The 10 Most Bad Ass Movie Posters of 2011 - Somehow “Harry Potter looking at Voldemort” got called “bad ass”. We have weird standards. [Pajiba]

Okay, maybe not, but this puppy running to a Firefly B-side is pretty awesome.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

Check UPROXX Out On Flipboard - Hooray, we have an app! Now you’ll never be too far away from Kate Upton slideshows and the 50 Most Craprifficially Stinktacular Epic Fail Bombz In some medium’s history. [UPROXX]

The 15 Best TV Series on Netflix Instant - A great resource, even if people still think ‘Scrubs’ was good. Be sure to check out the new, Ufford-less Warming Glow, where I will be trying to get a roster spot every second or third day for the next year. [Warming Glow]

One In The Ink, Two In The Stink: The Most Regrettable Tattoos You’ll See This Week - |UPROXX|

Shame Review: Michael Fassbender Likes Sex. A Lot. That’s Pretty Much It. - The best part of Shame is the end, where Carey Mulligan yells SHAME! COME BACK! [Film Drunk]

NYT: “Women Won’t Like Game of Thrones” - It’s a crossover hit. It’s not just for fantasy enthusiasts, they’re telling human stories in a fantasy world. (fill out the forms please thanks) [Gamma Squad]

Join The #PassTheCrown Contest With The Smoking Section! - The contest to see who can be the HOTTEST MC IN THE GAME! Actually I haven’t clicked the link yet so I have no idea what this is about, but go do it, no matter what it is. [Smoking Section]

The 23 Most Provocative Questions Posed By Philosoraptor - Pretty funny, but yes, in Japan there are uncool kids who are really into American culture. What, you’ve never read Dave Barry Goes To Japan? [Buzzfeed]

10 Unbelievable Reactions to Movies - I feel like if you pass out during a movie you’ve got problems that have nothing to do with the movie. Oh no, I saw something gross, /shuts down brain. We aren’t hedgehogs, we don’t roll into a f**king ball. [Moviefone]

The 10 Biggest Oscar Snubs of the 2012 Academy Awards: A Pajiba Prediction - Shockingly accurate, especially about Winnie The Pooh. I would’ve spent the whole time bitching about Hugo not winning Best Picture and Sacha Baron Cohen not winning Best Supporting Actor. [Pajiba]

The Ultimate ’90s Nerd Battle - Urkel Bot would win, all Screech could do in a fight is tear somebody’s shirt. [Unreality]

Greenville News Drops Giant ‘F*ck’ In Newspaper Story About the SEC Championship Game This Weekend - It took me a minute to find it, but when I did, holy sh*t. Or holy f**k, I guess. [BroBible]

That is Don Mattingly, right?

Links

Daniel Day-Lewis Is Method Acting The Hell Out Of Abe Lincoln - That’s not Daniel Day-Lewis, Bill and Ted just left the real Abe Lincoln alone at the mall again. [Film Drunk]

Community Credits x Parks & Recreation - This isn’t that great, really, but I can’t stop watching it. Ken Jeong aside, I want to kiss every person in this cast on the mouth. [NextRound]

A Gallery of Pitch Perfect Daria Cosplay - Holy crap, cosplay Jane from Daria #cangetit. Somebody give that girl my phone number, and the licensing rights to popular songs from the 90s. [Unreality]

Is It OK to NOT Love ‘The Muppets’? - No, stupid. [Moviefone]

Expert: Coming Apple-Designed TV Will Blow Your Freakin’ Mind, Man! - There’s so much Apple stuff in my house I have an iPad on the back of my toilet used exclusively to play Angry Birds while I take a dump. Not looking forward to having to buy this. [UPROXX]

Sexy Rumor: HBO Already Preparing Two More Seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’ - Book spoilers: Lord G’Nort travels to the great Maldavia and stabs Jahara. I don’t know, but that sounds right. [Warming Glow]

St. Petersburg Tops List As America’s Saddest City - Somebody’s never been to Detroit! [Smoking Section]

Five Video Game Series That Never Need to be Reviewed Again - “Madden Football”. [Gamma Squad]

How I Play Call of Duty by xoxoDumpTruckoxox - I always go to xoxoDumpTruckoxox for instructional videos. [Adult Swim]

William Shatner Fires A Photon Torpedo At Carrie Fisher - I wrote fan fic with this title, but it was way more graphic. This is just William Shatner talking. [FARK]

Watch a Nerdy White Boy CRUSH a Rap About Pancakes Set to ‘Look at Me Now’ - CHET HAZE! WE COMIN’ FA YOU, N***A! [BroBible]

“How I Met Your Mother’s” Ted is Kind of a Douche - Also, “How I Met Your Mother’s” Every Other Character is kind of a douche. Why is that guy taking a decade to tell his kids one story? [Pajiba]