Now that the 2012 Summer Olympics are behind us, we can officially say the same for Michael Phelps, he of the 22 Olympic medal fame. That is, unless he plans to show up to Rio for the 2016 games and be that bro who just comes back to chill with the younger bros and teach them a thing or two, but in either case he’s done competing at the Olympics. That means it’s time to start tearing him apart after we’ve all done so much to build him up.

Enter: The National Enquirer and its mynah bird, The Daily Mail. According to super secret inside sources and “a poker-playing friend” of Phelps, the 27-year old has taken quite the liking to professional poker – as evidenced by that above photo from 2008 and all of the times we’ve seen him playing poker since – and they’re worried that his wealth is in danger of his eagerness to gamble. I guess he really is the Michael Jordan of swimming. *high fives porpoise*

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With the absence of football this weekend, degenerate gamblers such as me have been forced to gamble on other contests like the Miss America 2008 Pageant. I wagered on Miss Virginia because she shared that she is able to put her foot behind her head. While I'm still efforting that clip, please enjoy the elimination of Miss Utah: 

I guess the push-ups were to remind us that she is in the military. I'm not really attracted to girls who have more upper body strength than me, so I guess I won't be dating any of the contestants just to be safe. Finally, this is the only segment pageant host Mark Steines didn't stammer through. He said 'hate' instead of 'state', frequently looked helplessly into the teleprompter, and called Miss Wisconsin Miss Wyoming. It's a good thing he's not fat, because he has drunk and stupid nailed. -KD  

ATP Tour officials are investigating 4th-ranked Russian tennis star Nikolay Davydenko's loss to 87th-ranked Martin Vassallo Arguello in the Prokom Open on Thursday:

In an unprecedented move Friday, British online gambling company Betfair voided all bets placed on the match, saying the market wasn't fair. Betfair said it received about $7 million in bets on the match — 10 times the usual amount — and most of the money was on Arguello to win, even after Davydenko won the first set 6-2 . . . Arguello won the second set 6-3 and was leading 2-1 in the third when Davydenko retired, saying he had aggravated a left foot injury in the second set.

People really bet on tennis?  Don't they have more exciting pastimes on which to wager, like cockroach races and thumb-wrestling matches?  Anyway, if a Russian is implicated in a gambling scandal, I'm sure the Russian mob is involved somehow.  From what I heard via a steel hauler at a truck stop bathroom (don't ask), they control everything in the former USSR from the music industry to hijacking trains.  And I saw this show on the History Channel where they bought a Soviet submarine to smuggle drugs, which is utterly ridiculous.  And by "utterly ridiculous", I mean "totally fucking awesome". -KD

(Spasiba to Foul Balls for the tip.)