Reminder: She's the referee.

Cheerio! ‘ello Guvnah! Whatever stereotypical British greeting you’d like me to give! I hope you all had a wonderful week, and a very special Anna Howard Shaw Day. A few things before we get on to the (thankfully) final episode from the UK.

- This weekend I will be heading across the border for Squared Circle Wrestling’s Heat Wave (scroll to the bottom for the card) event in Niagara Falls, NY. Jessica Havok! Christina Von Eerie! Rachel f’n Summerlyn! SPIKE DUDLEY! If there’s no report next week, it will be because my heart literally folded in on itself like an Autobot transforming. If you like the idea of seeing any of these wrestlers, and also hanging out in American Niagara at a bar that doesn’t even have a website, then by all means come out, say hello, enjoy some badass ladies and little Spikey, and hope our cars don’t get broken into!

- This week at The Wrestling Blog, I interviewed ACW’s own Jack Jameson. Head on over, watch some fun matches, and compliment him on his full and manly beard. I’ve been close to it in person and it’s nothing short of glorious.

- So this Social Media fad is pretty fun and far out, so why not get on board and follow me on twitter? With Leather is here, and UPROXX is also worth a follow. We also appreciate likes and shares and up votes and all those good things, so hit as many buttons as possible when prompted. It helps spread the word, and lets me keeping doing things like posting pictures of myself eating a burrito on a legit sports comedy website.

This week on Impact: In what feels like the longest UK tour ever, Hogan kind of sort of makes a tournament, shows that his poopies face isn’t just for disapproval, and gets lost in the hallways of Wembley Arena. Find out if he chooses an opponent for Jeff Hardy at Lockdown or gets committed to an assisted care facility after the jump!

Well hello, lovelies. I apologize for the delay in getting this column up. I had some work and travel issues (it was the blerst of drives!), so I had a fair amount to deal with before I could get to watching my new favourite episode of TNA ever. Before you find out why, let’s get a few things out of the way:

- If you’re not following myself, With Leather, or UPROXX on twitter, I encourage you to click the links for each. You can like the article on Facebook, you can tumbl about it, and you can apparently share it on Reddit. I went on Reddit once to read an AMA with Tim Donst, and that has been the extent of my experience, but I’m told it’s a good thing, so y’know … if you could.

- You should also read that AMA with Tim Donst. It’s pretty great. He talks about the time he tried to kill Hallowicked with a drill in a furniture store, otherwise known as one of my most treasured of Tim Donst videos.

- Like Brandon, I will be attending National Pro Wrestling Day to lose my mind over ACH in person, indulge in some Wrestling Bro high fives, and maybe try to hug Jervis Cottonbelly, because he is the best. If you can make it out, you definitely should. We’re good people in person, and again, ACH!!

Alright guys, let’s get to it. This week on TNA, it’s the wedding of the century, and nothing else matters except all of the other stuff I wrote about. Move over, Will & Kate! A Hogan’s getting married!

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And now, Impact Wrestling presents 'Man Getting Hit By Trophy'

Hello again, my darlingest Ham Sandwiches! I hope you all had a wonderful New Year’s Eve. I personally spent it loudly replacing Auld Lang Syne with Boys on the Docks, and watching a very large bearded man wrestle a smaller, skinny punk kid in the snow. It was like watching Jebediah Park vs. Jeff Hardy in the match no one asked for. In other news…

• I will be attending SMASH Wrestling’s event Any Given Sunday on … Sunday. If any of you cool cats in the GTA want to come see Johnny Gargano, 3.0, Gregory Iron, and what commenters look like in person, you should head on out! I make no promises as to whether or not I will be dressed like Bully Ray, doing bad Al Pacino impressions, or telling everyone to throw their money at Gargano’s merch.

• Gifs this week have been provided by the lovely Casey/THESTINGER. He is the best person, and I am consistently jealous of his boogie.

• As always, I can be found on twitter here, With Leather keeps it tight here, and UPROXX operates their twitter machine here. By all means, like us on Facebook, and share us on the sharing stuffs, especially Reddit. Stop by, say hello, and tell us what you like or dislike about what we’re doing. I have it on good authority that the person who operates my twitter account likes hearing what you think, and is also really into Johnny Gargano.

This week on Impact: Christopher Daniels makes me think deep thoughts, D.O.C. jobs to a chain lock, and TNA makes me stretch my creative writing muscles to the point of a near hernia.

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OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR ARM, REF

Hola, lovelies! I am riding high on a Christmas full of Jack Swagger action figures, talking Chewbaccas, and a shockingly great (mostly) episode of Impact. I hope you’re all ready for a heck of a lot of bests, because I am full of leftover festive cheer and also coffee and I am ready to get to it! But first things first:

• Before you do anything, you should go out and send a Christmas card to Dalton Dingle. Go on. I’ll wait.

• We don’t have fancy video packages, but you can find out what got Bested and Worsted last week here. If you aren’t caught up, but already guessed that Taz made horribly offensive gay jokes about Santa Claus, you’re right, and I am so so sorry.

• You don’t have to kiss to be clever, but we’d always appreciate it if you’d Tumbl for us. You can also like us on Facebook, use the twitters to tell all of your friends about the cool stuff you read on the internet (and also this article), and follow myself and With Leather while you’re there. UPROXX lives in the twitters as well, should you feel the need to tell them how much you enjoy these reports, or send selfies of you clutching your pearls (or personal equivalent) at the idea of a non-Brandon Best & Worst.

This week on Impact, gratuitous heel on heel action, Bully Ray proves that even he doesn’t watch this show, and Mr. Anderson takes them both because he is…whatever the Mr. Anderson equivalent is of hardcore.

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One of the more unheralded events in a pro wrestling fan’s life is the semi-annual WWE Fire Sale, wherein the world’s most profitable sports entertainment and Slurpee cup company realizes it is paying a bunch of people hundreds of thousands of dollars to do nothing and starts firing everybody. For the performers, I imagine this to be a stressful time of uncertainty. For the fan, it’s great for a few reasons; we get gossipy stuff to talk about (in a world where only deaths and on-screen results constitute real news) and an improved chance of seeing some of our favorite superstars at independent wrestling shows and comic book conventions. Usually the cuts come around Wrestlemania in the Spring, but the rosters remained mostly unchanged until the WWE quarterly report rolled in.

The only thing wrestling news sites like PWInsider.com are reporting is that I’ve just won a free iPad, so here’s a quick rundown of the performers who caught the axe today. In case more releases happen after this post goes live, I’ll update it, so keep checking back.

Melina
Melina (real name Melina Perez) is the biggest cut announced so far, as she’s a two-time WWE Divas Champion and three-time WWE Women’s Champion who has been with the company since 2004. She’s the real-life girlfriend of Raw star John Morrison and hasn’t done anything better than being the object of affection for Zack Ryder’s dad on Z! True Long Island Story since about 2008. She currently runs a Twitter account that makes you feel weird about her real-life personality and informs you of her love of Skittles.

WWE wishes her well in her future endeavors, but they say that to everybody. There is a 1:1 chance she will be TNA Knockouts Champion before Wednesday.

Chris Masters
Masters joined World Wrestling Entertainment in 2005 and was a regular contender for both the WWE and Intercontinental Championships until his release in 2007 for multiple violations of WWE’s Substance Abuse and Drug Policy. “The Masterpiece” returned to WWE in 2009, reinventing himself first as a muscular guy who could make his pecs bounce to music (don’t ask) and then as a legitimately fantastic, under-the-radar pro wrestler on their “Superstars” show. Masters is most famous for his submission finisher “The Masterlock”, a full nelson that couldn’t be broken until Bobby Lashley showed up and started ruining everything for everybody.

With a great look and a new-found passion for pro wrestling, Masters should be able to find a job competing anywhere, especially Japan. The joke about him showing up in TNA as “Masterful” Chris Mordetzky (“we know who THAT is, Taz!” etc.) would’ve been funnier a few years ago.

More after the jump.

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