"And that's how you tell boys to talk to the hand."

I have to give credit where it’s due. When Twitter celebrity Leon Purvis first posted a video asking 2012 Summer Olympics superstar and gold medalist Gabby Douglas to prom, I thought that we just had another one of those typical star-chaser types on our hands. But it turns out that while, yes, Purvis is a bit of a star-chaser, he gets results.

For example, Douglas wasn’t his first celebrity conquest. Originally, Purvis rose to fame in 2011 when he asked Justin Bieber to his junior prom “as a bro”. Hey, don’t judge. I’ve asked Channing Tatum to be my best friend, so we obviously all use the Internet to get things done on our own accord. The only difference is that while C-Tates has never responded to me, Purvis actually met the Biebs in person. And yesterday morning, he received his response from Douglas.

You see, people? Star-chasing pays off if you’re not a total creepshow about it. It’s just too bad that Purvis didn’t get the response he wanted.

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Lost in the shuffle of producing what is already being called the greatest list of 2012 sports moments that will ever be written, according to this guy and these guys, was the phenomenal, inspirational tale of Gabby Douglas, who actually almost quit her dream of being an Olympic gymnast, because she couldn’t stand being away from her family.

“It was very hard to overcome being away from [my] family,” the Virginia-born gymnast told Us of her nonstop traveling and training schedule, noting that it was especially difficult to say goodbye after they visited her on the road. “It’s a very strong thing. It almost drove me to quit the sport that I love and [kept me] from achieving my dreams.” (Via Us Magazine)

And since she rose to fame as one of the dynamic members of the Fierce Five gold-medal women’s team in the 2012 Summer Olympics, Douglas has had to overcome the problems being caused by her family. It certainly hasn’t been easy for this 16-year old international star. Certainly, the last thing she needs to worry about is what to wear on prom night, but that’s not stopping one hornball teenager from trying to date way out of his league.

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One of the unfortunate drawbacks of this being an almost entirely sports-related blog (unless, in extreme circumstances, the situation calls for Kate Upton pictures) is that we don’t ever really get to enjoy the best part of Halloween – girls in slutty costumes. Fortunately, the US Women’s National Soccer Team is here to help us out with that, and soccer girls totally know how to party. Not as much as rugby girls, but they’re still up there.

That said, With Leather’s Official Favorite Women’s Soccer Player Alex Morgan and the equally awesome Sydney Leroux paid tribute to their fellow American Olympians, McKayla Maroney and Gabby Douglas, respectively, over the weekend at whatever Halloween parties they attended with their teammates Abby Wambach and Shannon Boxx.

Basically, this is a very roundabout way of me saying that Morgan and Leroux Tweeted pictures of themselves in one-piece bathing suits, so I’m posting them. Consider this the candy that I would have pretended to put in your bag if you came to my door. (Along with a couple ice cubes, because I’m a dick.)

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Olympic gold medal gymnasts Gabby Douglas, Kyla Ross and Internet Favorite McKayla Maroney threw out the ceremonial first pitches before Tuesday’s Padres-Dodgers game at Dodger Stadium. The results were mixed. Gabby Douglas has obviously never thrown a baseball in her life and just kinda lobs it in. Kyla’s effort is better, but it hits the dirt before it gets to the catcher.

Because McKayla Maroney is not impressed (she’s never impressed) and is totally the Marcia Brady of the outfit, she steals the spotlight by taking a few steps back to pitch from the mound, gets it across the plate and jumps up and down in celebration. McKayla is once again Princess For The Day, and Gabby has to sulk away, mentally preparing herself for all those shitty questions Tim Federowicz is about to ask about her hair.

Full video is below. If this whole thing isn’t funny to you, watch it for the foxy teen girls in short-shorts. Or Tim Federowicz.

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The other day we talked about the reports that Gabby Douglas’ parents were locked in a bitter divorce, and were fighting each other over the 16-year old Olympic superstar’s current wealth and all of the money she’ll make moving ahead. Worry no long, friends. It appears that Oprah Winfrey has rescued her and taken her to live on her unicorn ranch at Gumdrop Island in her ivory tower made of actual ivory.

Also, this is the most important thing you’ll read all year, with my GIF response right after it… The Girl With The Butthole Tattoo Explains Her Butthole Tattoo |UPROXX|

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Damn it, McKayla. Stop smiling.

The U.S. women’s gymnastics team, or the Fierce 5 as they’ve come to be known, is the hottest ticket in America right now, with their recent appearances on The Late Show with David Letterman and at the Stock Exchange (above). On top of that, Gabby Douglas – who is the first black woman in history to become the individual, all-around champion in gymnastics – appeared on The Tonight Show with Michelle Obama earlier this week, and now she’s signed a deal to appear on America’s Got Talent.

Now keep in mind that Douglas is only 16-years old. That’s important because it only magnifies how sh*tty this next piece of news is.

A family feud has erupted between the estranged parents of Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas over the millions she stands to earn as a result of winning the gold medal in London, according to a new report. (Via the NY Post)

This is just awful. Why can’t Michelle Obama step in and tell her parents to screw off while she creates a bank account specifically for Gabby? Would anybody be against that?

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