Move over, Wade Boggs’ Carpet World. Pete Rose and his busty, younger Playboy model wife Kiana Kim have taken the furniture world by storm with their new TV ad for Muenchen’s Furniture in Cincinnati. Sadly, it turns out that Rose’s reality show on TLC, Hits & Mrs., was canceled*, which led to me asking, “Holy sh*t, TLC cancels shows?”

But the silver lining appears to be that companies are still willing to pay a 71-year old blackballed former baseball player and his fame-hungry eventual ex-wife some walking-around money to argue over which set of Paula Deen furniture they want to buy. Seriously, this commercial is why TV was invented.

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If you weren’t aware, Billy Corgan (a musician who was probably pretty important to you if you were alive in 1992) runs a pro wrestling promotion. He calls it “Resistance Pro.” They mostly run shows out of Chicago. If you were in Philadelphia on National Pro Wrestling Day, you may remember Res Pro for the event’s lone overtly-awful match.

Anyway, here are three things Billy Corgan loves:

1. Alienating people who play music with him
2. Bad pro wrestling
3. Walter E. Smithe furniture

If we’re to assume that James Iha is off somewhere in the background sulking because he wasn’t invited to Billy Corgan’s Musical Chairs, those three things have come together (finally) in a local furniture commercial. It’s everything you’d expect from a local commercial about … whatever this is about.

It doesn’t make a lot of sense. I can accept that Corgan and the furniture dudes would be playing musical chairs, or that they’d be in a wrestling ring, but a game of musical chairs held inside a wrestling ring? That never ends well. It instantly ends in violence, and Corgan can apparently summon a gang of wrestlers to do his violent bidding. But then sweeeerve, Billy doesn’t want them to go so far as to break those nice chairs.

Ah well, it’s still better than Zeitgeist.

Perry Watkins is an English inventor who also has an appreciation for speed and innovative automobile design. He currently holds world records for the lowest car ever driven and for the smallest working car ever made. For that distinction he attached a 150 cc engine to a child’s toy van and drove it (video after the jump). But both of his previous feats paled in comparison to his one true desire – driving furniture at high speeds.

Watkins spent the past year building a dining room table car so he could break the Guinness World Record for fastest furniture, previously established by a guy who drove a couch in 2007. Watkins accomplished his goal over the weekend, reaching a top speed of 130 mph with his table, dubbed “Fast Food” *slide whistle*, during two laps on a race track.

Finish your vegetables before you excuse yourself, Telegraph:

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J.E. Skeets of The Basketball Jones unearthed this phallic piece of crap. I don't know what else to say. How did this happen? "Hey man, check out the sweet new leather recliner I got. It has a massage function." "Are you kidding? That comfortable piece of shit isn't sporty at all." "Oh yeah? What do you have?" "Three basketballs in the form of a penis."

For the record, here's a picture of a guy sitting on a cock in the chair.