As if it were made for just this moment, closing out a week of Spring Break fun that six people enjoyed, our final installment in the Great Moments in Spring Break History comes from some college kids who decided to buck the beach trend and head overseas for a European experience. This group of Americans – I’m not actually sure if they’re Americans, but you watch how they behave and tell me if I’m wrong to guess – chose Amsterdam as their hot spot for 2013, and when the spot gets too hot, you’ve got to throw a little water on it.

Tiffani and Eli were super stoked to be visiting Europe together for the first time as a couple. They’d broken up 6 or 7 times during the year that they dated at Auburn, but after Eli promised to stop sleeping with Becky from AZD after the ATO Rebel Yell Cotton Pickin’ Pajama Jam, Tiffani just felt like she could trust him this time. So they chose to reinforce their stronger-than-ever bond by visiting her cousin, Grieta, and her husband Joost in Amsterdam.

Joost and Grieta have been married since they were children, as their parents merged butter farms during the winter shortage of 1982 and traded cattle stock in order to smooth out the marriage details. While most arranged marriages in the Netherlands result in gruesome murders (*citation needed), Joost and Grieta found true love despite the odds. That made for a wonderful trip for Tiffani and Eli, well, until the river voyage on the Amstel.

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Last December, when it was announced that center Chris Kaman had been traded by the Los Angeles Clippers as part of a package that would land them Chris Paul, word around the intertubes was that he was pretty bummed to be leaving the only NBA team that he’d ever played for, and especially since he was traded to one of the league’s worst teams in the New Orleans Hornets. But Kaman has long been one of the NBA’s most under-the-radar fun guys, so he made the best of it.

Now with the Dallas Mavericks, it seems that the gun-loving hunting aficionado is right at home living in Texas, which plays perfectly into his role as a controversial figure, for which he has given very few of what I believe the hip kids call “f*cks”. Kaman recently Tweeted a perfect example of just how much he loves his new home, and also what a delightfully terrifying man-child he is.

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I was conducting my daily routine of Googling “cheerleaders” among other words, when I came across the above banner image that was taken a few weeks ago. Instantly, my head went into game show mode and I asked myself this million dollar query:

What the hell is actually going on in this photo?

A) The Tokyo Stock Exchange is the happiest place on Earth.
B) Linsanity is at an all-time high, with cheerleaders practically being mauled at courtside.
C) Moments later… TENTACLES!!!
D) These guys are at a job fair.

And shocked I was, as I read all about how the organizers of a job fair in Japan earlier this month hired cheerleaders to get the thousands of unemployed men hyped about walking in circles, handing their resumes to indifferent strangers who probably aren’t actually hiring, and giving that one look that begs without words, “Please… please help me reclaim my dignity.”

Then I thought back to the last job fair I went to and man, cheerleaders would have totally made that Enterprise GM telling me to “Piss off” so much better.

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I’d like to be a NBA hipster and claim that I’m already over this damned Jeremy Lin hype, but I’d be lying. Aside from the endless SportsCenter fellatio that only ESPN can provide the athlete du jour, I think the guy is a great story and he’s an exciting player to watch. But above all else, he’s a reminder that the right guys, while seemingly worthless to one team, can be the perfect fit with another team, if that franchise has capable eyes and ears making the decisions. Do you think Isiah Thomas thinks to sign Lin if he’s still the New York Knicks president? Hell no. And there are plenty of other teams that could have used his shot in the arm – both on the court and in the bank – but the NBA is so lopsided when it comes to competent GMs and team presidents that it’s amazing Lin even got another chance.

Other than that, it’s business as usual this week. The San Antonio Spurs are the hottest team in the NBA with a 9-game winning streak, but we don’t talk about them because they don’t have Lin. The Chicago Bulls are currently the best team in the NBA despite Derrick Rose’s absence and the Miami Heat are quietly plotting the addition of a big man. Will it be Chris Kaman? Nobody knows, but yes, it will be Kaman, because New Orleans is trying to get rid of everyone so the Hornets can eventually finally start the league’s first ever all janitor team.

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I went to my local watering hole yesterday after work to enjoy a few sophisticated beverages before I attended the Orlando Magic game, and the barkeep tuned the image box to SportsCenter, which devoted about 70% of the show to New York Knicks guard Jeremy Lin. A few dozen Linsanity puns later and my enjoyment of the rise of this unexpected Knicks star was pretty much over. But the Knicks, Buddha bless them, are rightfully milking this thing for all it’s worth, as they’ve radically raised ticket prices and are pumping out merchandise faster than a sweatsh… irt company. A sweatshirt company is totally what I meant to write.

Of course it was inevitable that this love for a guy, who is Chinese but was born and raised in California before attending Harvard, would hit some awkward racial moments. However, what happened last night on the MSG Network during the Knicks 100-85 victory over the Sacramento Kings, in which Lin set a career high with 13 assists, was just downright stupid. During the broadcast, the network aired this picture…

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Only a week ago, Natsuki Terada was at the top of his game. He was in peak physical condition, the pride of his country, and he was all set to marry his green-eyed bride, Miao Yin. Winning the Tokyo-Hakone relay marathon would have been the icing on his kasutera, and he had victory in the palms of his tiny-yet-efficient hands. But with less than 200 meters to go in the marathon and after bursting from third place to sitting pretty in the lead spot, Terada said, “To hell with standard race strategy” and he tried to win with his own bold plan – going the wrong way.

Shockingly, it didn’t turn out well for Terada. As soon as he realized his gaffe, he had already fallen from first to third place, becoming the shame of his family and undoubtedly incurring inglorious banishment. Worst of all, after he crossed the finish line he fell down and cried. Get up, you sissy! See, this is why I never run in marathons unless they involve beer helmets.

Insert classic Japanese stereotype here for video after the jump…

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