"What's up, babe? You acting? Sweet, babe."

In newsy news news, writers Joseph Balsamo and Peter Ciancarelli, who you may remember from… just this blog post, are suing FX because they claim that the network ripped off their idea with The League. Balsamo and Ciancarelli claim that they wrote a treatment for The Commissioner, and like The League, it was also about a group of friends who play fantasy football while behaving like men competing against each other naturally behave.

Make sure to properly secure your “Oh give me a f*cking break” faces for this one…

“Given the numerous and striking similarities between the two works, there can be no dispute that defendants Schaffer and/or FX had access to and copied protectable elements of the treatment,” the suit says. The suit then outlined 10 similarities between the two works. The plaintiffs filed Commissioner with the WGA back in 2006 and put the script online soon afterwards in an effort to attract attention. (Via Deadline)

“Ten Similarities Between The League and The Commissioner”? I must have missed that slideshow.

Now I’m no big city slicker fancy lawyer type, but as much as I love The League, it’s about as original as a knock-knock joke. Millions of bros and dudes play fantasy football, and we’re almost all in a league that features different types of guys who talk sh*t to each other, make side bets and generally piss each other off until they stop talking for months at a time or write each other absurd crybaby emails. We all do it, some of us *points to self* more than others.

But who cares about frivolous lawsuits by guys who had a stoner revelation moment of “Bro, we should make a TV show about a fantasy league”, when we have actual awesome news involving The League. Kristin Cavallari, AKA Mrs. Jay Cutler, filmed a guest spot for the show today.

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In a story that I’ve paid little attention to because it makes me dismissively wank with poor mechanics, New York Jets backup QB Tim Tebow and his handlers are suing two Jets fans for making a Jesus-themed Jets t-shirt. The shirt makes no reference to Tebow other than a mutual appreciation of the son of God – although on the site they admit that they were obviously inspired by Tebow’s faith – but that’s not stopping the guy who just changed his dog’s name from making it perfectly clear that Jesus is his thing in the Big Apple, gosh dang it.

The reason I mention that is because it’s apparent that Tebow and is brand managers are going out of their way to protect his “I’m a good widdle boy” reputation now that he’s living in Satan’s den, so it shouldn’t shock us that Tebow and/or his people forced Broadway actress Neka Zang – of Rock of Ages, but I assume you already know that – to delete a picture (above) from her Twitter, one that Tebow took with Zang (above left, I think) and her castmates after he attended a show.

Zang Tweeted that she was asked by unnamed people to remove the picture and then she deleted that Tweet as well, but here was her exact response: “Well, Due to Tebow’s ‘image’ I was asked to remove the pic of him with us half dressed ladies. He does know we arn’t real strippers right?”

This is twice now that Tebow has thrown a hissy fit with posing for photos with celebrity females. During Super Bowl week in Indianapolis, if you recall, he also refused to take a picture with Kate Upton and Chrissy Teigen because they are wretched whorebeasts of the Apocalypse. No, wait, they wear bathing suits. Sorry, I always get those mixed up.

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There is apparently crying in tennis. And lawsuits.

As the war against the “Pussification of America” rages on, it’s comforting to see that other countries are also dealing with their share of coddling parents and frivolous lawsuits. Take Australia, for instance, as the home of koalas and Paul Hogan is also now the home of one young girl with a bruised eye, after she was hit in the face with a tennis ball during her tennis lessons at her private school in Queensland.

And as if that sentence didn’t already tell you where this is going, the parents of the wounded girl are of course suing the hell out of everyone.

The claim alleges Julia had hit classmate Finley Enright-Burns in the eye with a tennis ball during a tennis lesson at the Mudgeeraba school last October. It alleges Julia was “smashing” balls back to Finley on the baseline when the incident happened.

Finley did not go to hospital but is alleged to have suffered an eye injury which needed medical treatment.

The claim, filed on behalf of Finley by her architect father Paul Burns, also names Somerset College and its Jay Deacon’s Tennis School as defendants.

“It’s bizarre … beyond belief,” Dr Wright-Smith told The Courier-Mail yesterday. (Via The Courier-Mail, H/T to Fark)

My initial response to this story was: “Screw these people, I hope the judge throws the case out and shouts, ‘I’m sorry your kid sucks at tennis!;” But that’s never going to happen, because lawyers will find a way to drag this thing out and milk the school for every penny, while the girl with the eye that will heal mumbles to herself, “I f*cking hate tennis, why did you even make me play it?” which sucks for the kids at her school who actually like playing tennis, because now the school will have to pay more insurance and eliminate tennis as a result.

Soon enough, kids won’t even be able to play Trivial Pursuit in school, because they could get a paper cut from those dangerous cards. Eventually, your kid’s school is just going to look like this…

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New Jersey lawyer and New York Jets season ticket holder Carl J. Mayer is a patriot. Of course I mean he’s a patriot in the American sense and not the New England football sense, because he took advantage of this country’s incredible justice system by taking his fight all the way to the United States Supreme Court. So what was Mayer fighting – Abortion? Immigration? War? The Westboro Baptist church? Gay marriage? Wall Street executives? Nah, none of that unimportant crap. His fight is Spygate.

That’s right, after a lower court had dismissed Mayer’s initial lawsuit against Bill Belichick and the Patriots – I like to think the judge was wanking his gavel the whole time – Mayer took his case (Mayer v. Belichick, 10-867) to the highest court in the nation because he believes that the Pats videotaping scandal from 2007 had “cheated him and other fans out of their right to see honest competition on the field”, according to Bloomberg News. And somewhere a St. Louis Rams fan looked up and said, “Oh yeah, the Jets… they should be upset.”

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