Back in April, two buddies decided over a few adult beverages that they wanted to have a little fun with the National Basketball Association and declare themselves eligible for the upcoming draft. It’s nothing that hasn’t been done before, but for some reason I get a kick out of it every time that someone does it, ever since a friend of mine did it in the months before we graduated high school.

(RELEVANT UPDATE: I knew I had read a similar story before, and apparently Maxim Magazine ran a story about an “average yutz” who went through the NBA Draft eligibility declaration process back in 1999. That I remembered even a hint of a Maxim article from that long ago means I wasn’t that bowled over by Melissa Joan Hart’s cover and spread.)

Except while some people might say, “Big deal, bros” to Nick Moran and Andrew Hunter for their joke, I tip my flat-billed cap with all the NBA team logos to them for not just making the joke but also taking it from coast-to-coast for the easy layup. Since receiving a letter from NBA Vice President Andy Taub, who informed them that because they graduated college in 2010 they’re actually free agents and are therefore ineligible for the NBA Draft on June 27, the friends have even created their own website called “We Declare”, hoping to catch the eye of… someone.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you head on over to free agent Nyjer Morgan’s Twitter account, you’ll notice that he’s currently taking suggestions for a new Twitter handle and asking his 85,000+ followers to come join him on his new Twitter account that doesn’t even exist yet. And while I could probably spend the rest of the afternoon suggesting new Twitter handles for him – including @Mr239Average, @MilwaukeesWorst and @WorthlessInOctober, among others – I should probably point out that the reason he needs a new Twitter account is because he was “hacked”.

Of course, by hacked I mean that he had an easy password, entrusted it with his girlfriend and then apparently cheated on her (or at least really pissed her off). That’s why if you’re one of the 85K that he’s begging to Jerry Maguire with him, you may have noticed a little craziness on his Twitter feed last night. You know, because he got “hacked”.

Read the rest of this entry »

12th Man, meet the most desperate man.

Well, it was bound to happen.

That’s Dave “Softy” Mahler of Sportsradio 950 AM in Seattle reporting what my brother, a huge Seattle Seahawks fan, told me in a frantic text last night, that unemployed human disaster Terrell Owens is heading to Seattle for a tryout or workout or cup of coffee. I’m not sure, the Tweet is pretty vague.

Thankfully, sports writer, attorney, and guy who doesn’t know sh*t about MMA, Mike Florio, was able to confirm that Owens is indeed trying out for the Seahawks. Apparently the Seahawks cut Antonio Bryant, and that left them with Sidney Rice, Golden Tate, Doug Baldwin, Braylon Edwards, Deon Butler, Ben Obamanu, and 6 other wide receivers, not including tight ends Zach Miller and Kellen Winslow, and that’s clearly not enough receiver depth.

Damn it, Seattle. We were so close to a world without T.O.

"I hate you so much, I hope someone takes advantage of our horrific payroll so we lose you."

While ESPN’s NBA experts and their “SOURCES! WE HAVE SOURCES!” are suggesting that the New York Knicks will simply let Jeremy Lin walk to the Houston Rockets, there is still chatter that their decision has not been made. The reason that the Knicks would let Lin just go to the Houston Rockets is because they’d rather have a stable of guys in their late 30s the Rockets’ offer was designed to significantly punish the Knicks in the third year of Lin’s deal. The Knicks would end up paying more than $30 million for just Lin, thanks to the new luxury tax penalty.

Hence, Carmelo Anthony’s reaction: “It’s up to the organization to say they want to match that ridiculous contract that’s out there.”

But a lot of people took that as Anthony not liking Lin, because everyone already thinks he doesn’t like Lin. But hey you guys, that’s wrong, okay? Anthony totally wants the guy his team can’t afford back.

“I would love to see him back, honestly. I would definitely love to see him back. But knowing the business of basketball, it’s a tough situation, kind of for both of our sides. With Jeremy, I know he definitely wants to be back in New York and Dolan definitely wants him back. So it’s just a matter of figuring it out.” (Via Newsday)

I’ve read a ton of opinions on this, and everybody seems to have facts that support letting him walk – specifically this report – and/or keeping him. But this is the Knicks we’re talking about. They have paid out some stupid, STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID money in the past. This is smart money. And I’m not just saying that because this could effectively save the Orlando Magic’s hope of fleecing the Rockets in a Dwight Howard deal.

That has absolutely zero influence on me. *whistles innocently*

UPDATE: Jeremy Lin will apparently be a Houston Rocket.

First the good news for Kris Humphries – he got paid. Despite trying to dump the free agent power forward on any team that would take him in a sign-and-trade for Dwight Howard, the Brooklyn Nets announced that they have indeed made K-Hump the final piece of their starting puzzle for the 2012-13 season. Humphries reportedly inked a 2-year, $24 million contract that will put the Nets over the $70 million luxury cap… with their starting 5 alone.

But that’s neither here nor there. Now for the bad news – Humphries’ ex won’t shut the hell up. Myla Sinanaj – the version of Kim Kardashian that you’d find on a really bad celebrity impersonator job site – had previously claimed that she was pregnant with Hump’s child, which would have been bad news with that new contract, but it turns out she was lying. Shocking, I know (and my apologies to Humphries for bagging on him). That should be great news for him, as it can’t hurt his divorce case, but now Sinanaj is going right after Kardashian.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been a month since we last checked in on Kris Humphries, but everything we usually talk about with him involves his ridiculously inept love life. Fortunately, the NBA free agent forward’s name has finally popped up in some actual, honest-to-gosh basketball news, so let’s see what the heck he’s up to now…

But the Johnson/Wallace/Williams deals, none of which can be official until July 11, would not prohibit the Nets from pitching a sign-and-trade package built around center Brook Lopez, power forward Kris Humph…

WE INTERRUPT THIS NBA FREE AGENCY NEWS TO TAKE A GIANT TMZ DUMP ON YOUR BRAIN.

Sources directly connected with Myla tell us Myla confirmed Monday that she’s 3 months pregnant and says Kris is definitely the father.

This could be used in Kris’ divorce with Kim Kardashian, because Kris has claimed he was devastated by the break-up and suffered emotionally. This development further cements the fact that Kris moved on quickly.

We’re told Myla plans to have the baby but wants to raise it alone, because she believes Kris has betrayed her by talking crap about their relationship.

But here’s the rub … We’re told for the past 3 weeks, Kris and Myla have been communicating regularly.

Oh yeah, here’s the other rub — she hasn’t told Kris yet.

Myla Sinanaj is the really poor man’s Kim Kardashian that Humphries was spotted canoodling with at the beach a while back, despite his claims that they weren’t an item. And now she’s pregnant. Amazing how that works.

You know, there was a voice in my head the whole time, while Humphries was vowing to bring down the Kardashian Kurtain of Oz, that kept saying, “Watch this dude f*ck his divorce up and let Kardashian waltz away with all the gifts and cash that she never returned.” We should have known he’d blow the only opportunity we’d have as a public to watch this leech get hammered in court. I really hope he ends up in Charlotte.