As we’ve previously discussed, because the NHL does not have an exclusive contract with the big, ol’ fancy pants sports talkers and debate embracers at ESPN, it doesn’t get as much attention as the NBA Playoffs. It also doesn’t help that the NHL Playoffs are airing on NBC Sports and CNBC, two networks that most people couldn’t tell you channel numbers for if you held a lawnmower to their groins.

But just like I argued last year, when porn star Tay Stevens showed up to Stanley Cup Finals games and pressed her massive breasts against the glass behind New Jersey Devils coach Peter DeBoer’s head, there are certain things that NBC and the NHL could be exploiting in order to gain more attention and ultimately better ratings for what have been very exciting playoffs series thus far.

Our friend Erik Malinowski at BuzzFeed Sports Tweeted the above image of the “Celeb List” from last night’s New York Rangers-Boston Bruins Game 4 at Madison Square Garden, and it got me to wondering… Hmmmmmm… wonder with me, won’t you?

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"If you're just gonna keep throwing to Gronk, I'm gonna go check out some boobies."

If the NFL counted Tweets as receiving yards, then Chad Ochocinco would have been the greatest single season receiver in New England Patriots history last year. Sadly, that idea will have to wait for the next CBA meetings. Ochocinco – who may or may not be changing his last name back to Johnson – has told the Patriots that he will drop his $3 million salary to $1 million just to keep his spot on the roster in 2012.

In the meantime, Ocho is still Tweeting away, and one man recently reached out to the once-boastful Pat to help put an end to his lack of confidence and non-existent love life. Ocho’s advice?

I’d love to produce a talk show for Ocho on which lonely losers ask him advice and his answer to every problem is: “Strip club.” Because, honestly, that is pretty much the perfect answer to any problem. Well, except maybe a combination of sex addiction and no money. In that case, the advice should be whatever the opposite of a strip club is. I guess that would either be church or a WNBA game.

Nevertheless, the girls at Tootsie’s in Miami have risen to the challenge and welcome Ocho’s lonely pal with open… um, arms.

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Joey Porter and market analysis go together like dead puppies and ice cream, so when the NFL linebacker dispensed some financial advice yesterday, we were compelled to take notice:

“I’m about to go dig a hole in my back yard and put it in my back yard where I can see it,” Porter said Monday. “I don’t like this stock stuff. I don’t like not being able [to rely on] this bond and that bond. Everything’s funny. I don’t trust nothing.”

Porter is in the second year of a five-year, $32 million contract that includes $20 million guaranteed.

The 31-year-old from Bakersfield, Calif., has been glued to the financial reports, trying to get an idea of how much he’ll have left in his portfolio. “I can’t do nothing but watch,” Porter said. [...]

“I try not to worry about it. That’s my financial advisor’s job to take care of that, but … We’re in a crisis right now. I’m just trying to hold on. At the end of the day, hopefully, he’ll tell me I’m not broke.”

Because if his financial advisor told him that, he would be the one buried in Porter’s backyard.

[that one sports network]