For both of you who care about soccer, it's time we moved away from the ugliness of Copa America — where the Gringos sent an undermanned team to get embarrassed by various South American countries — and focused on America's Under-20 team, which just beat the hell out of Poland 6-1 behind Freddy Adu's hat trick, including the ridiculosity you see above. My God that goal is fucking preposterous.  But not as preposterous as the Polish flashlight.  You know, the solar-powered one. 

Hmmm… I guess that's only funny if you buy into the rumor that Polish people are stupid.  And I don't.  I would never stoop to xenophobic stereotypes to tell a joke.  Unless it's about Germany, Italy, England, Russia, Greece, Mexico, Brazil, or anywhere in Asia or Africa.  But not Poland.  I'm too good for that.

(More highlights at Rumors and Rants)

Yesterday, D.C. United traded 17-year-old phenom Freddy Adu to Real Salt Lake (Faux Salt Lake is down the street), and if Freddy didn't want to go to the English Premier League before, a few months in Utah should do it. There's, what? Twenty or so black people already living in Utah? The guys on the Jazz and their entourages, I think that's about it.

On the heels of the trade, we have a winner for the Self-Delusion Award: 

Salt Lake general manager Steve Pastorino said Real hopes getting Adu into a new environment will keep him happy and stateside. "Our intent is to keep him here for several years," Pastorino said.

Hmmm… London or Salt Lake City? Obscene amounts of money or the MLS? Yeah, Freddy'll be there for years, guy. Hey, c'mere. I wanna show you this house I'm selling. It's built on an Indian burial ground, so it's got like historical signficance or something. 

(The photo, by the way, is Freddy with pop starlet JoJo. She turns 16 in a week, which kills me. I have to wait another two years before it will finally be legal to masturbate to her.)

Manchester United, AKA the New York Yankees of the English Premier League, have confirmed their interest in 17-year-old DC United striker Freddy Adu. The Washington Post broke the story first, and D.C. Sports Bog's Dan Steinberg has the full run-down of events.

What's confusing is that, after the Post's Steven Goff reported that Adu would go to England for a two-week trial, Man U denied the story. And now today they've switched course and are confirming it.

What are they, twelve? "Man U has a crush on Freddy!" "Nuh-uh! Teacher! The media's reporting things that are true again!"

Those wonky Brits'll drive me barmy. If they're arse over tit for our lad, just say so. No need to feed us a load of codswallop.