I don’t watch much reality TV, let alone any of the CBS blockbuster Survivor, but I’d been keeping my ear to the TV in the other room this season as my girlfriend watched, because as a rule, anything that involves Jeff Kent is usually outstanding. That’s not to say that I like the former San Francisco Giants second baseman. But he has built one of the greatest a-hole reputations, whether he deserved it or not.

Kent has been pretty irrelevant since retiring, and I simply assumed that he’d never be allowed anywhere near a broadcast booth, so I was a little surprised that CBS was willing to give him a spot on Survivor. However, it tickles my funny bone ever so that most or all of his opponents/castmates had no clue who he was, because if they had known, he would have been booted the first week.

Instead, Kent made it to the midseason point, and after he was voted off last night, he laid down one of the greatest sound bites of the year.

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“I think he’s waiting to explode again,” said Jordan told the Herald Sun.

sigh

Then I’m pretty sure he compares Tiger Woods’ career to dog fighting.

“A wounded dog has a tough time trying to keep winning battles.

“And because the battle was a lot tougher than I thought even Tiger realized a while ago, he needs to heal before he gets back into these battles again.”

And this is only the beginning of Michael Jordan’s in-depth analysis of Tiger Woods and what it will take for the guy who slept with 40,000 porn stars and felt bad about it to get back on top in the world of golf. The short version is the one anyone could’ve told you — if Tiger wants to be good again he needs to get healthy, clear his mind of all these off-screen troubles and focus on playing a game he naturally plays better than anyone. The long version (available at the Herald Sun) is that Michael Jordan has gone through similar troubles, so here are ten paragraphs of rambling monologue that boil down to “he needs to get well and pay attention”.

And also, uh, he’s a wounded dog who fought battles and needs to explode. Seriously, is there a situation in 2011 where a dog has battles? Is this another one of those “Hitler mustache” situations where Jordan just does or says something and hasn’t lived in the real world in like 30 years so he can’t be held to any observed ethical or logical community standards? I’m going to cut the jokes and type an extremely serious sentence: Tiger Woods needs to get over the self-pity party and either play golf or sit the f**k at home in his Magical Golf House and be half-rich. Your leg hurts and you had a bunch of sex, I’m not rooting for you to overcome those odds.

[h/t Devil Ball Golf]

A class action lawsuit of more than 6,000 former NFL players has been filed against EA Sports, as the athletes claim that the video game company used their likenesses to profit without offering any financial compensation. The Madden franchise has evolved considerably over the years, with one of the favorite special user options is the ability to play with classic franchises and their Hall of Fame star players. In fact, playing for a Super Bowl with the 1991 Buffalo Bills is the only thing that keeps Jim Kelly from murdering Scott Norwood.

EA has seemingly protected themselves from such a claim, though, as no names are actually used and the numbers are scrambled. Despite the lack of these identifying factors, the players contend that it’s a situation of EA intending for users to recognize the players. Fortunately, no Tampa Bay Buccaneer legends have to worry about having their likenesses usurped because no Tampa Bay Buccaneer legends exist.

Hold this whole court in contempt, IGN:

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