Fighters Luke Rockhold and Daniel Cormier took in a San Jose Earthquakes soccer game, palled around with the mascot a little and participated in the ceremonial First Goal, which is like the first pitch at a baseball game, but with your legs. As if guided by the hand of God himself, one of the kicks sent a soccer ball crashing into a big fuzzy blue guy’s genitals, and good lord, how would I not blog that?

UFC fighter Luke Rockhold didn’t score the ceremonial “First Goal” at the San Jose Earthquakes’ match vs. Vancouver Whitecaps FC, but he did leave his mark by drilling club mascot ‘Q’ in the groin. Fellow UFC fighter Daniel Cormier did find the net with his attempt.

More like Luke Cuckold, am I right?

Daniel Cormier’s next stop is his UFC debut against Frank Mir at UFC on Fox 7 on April 20. Rockhold’s next stop is his UFC debut against Vitor Belfort at May’s UFC on FX 8. Q’s next stop is the infirmary, assuming they have some kind of mascot version of that, and assuming the mascot infirmary is mature enough to repair a dude’s junk.

[h/t to Maggie at Cagewriter]

It’s impossible to overstate the brilliance and cultural impact of ‘The Simpsons’. It’s the reason why most of us think what we think is funny is funny, whether we’ll admit it or not.

It’s just as impossible to agree on what constitutes the “golden age” of the show. Everyone agrees that there’s a certain time frame in which ‘The Simpsons’ was the best show on television (and possibly ever), but we all have a different interpretation of when that era started and stopped. Some people think it was the first 9 or 10 season. Some people narrow that down to 1-8. Some people with impossible f**king standards think it peaked from seasons 3-5, or even 4.

For this week’s Sports On TV column, I used the most generally agreed-upon definition of the show’s prime: season 2 through season 8. Tackling the best sports moments of a monster like ‘The Simpsons’ is tough, so consider this a Part 1 of its own series, destined to include a Part 2, Part 3, and even a Part 4, should we delve into those wretched, later season guest star hives like “Homer and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass”.

So please enjoy the 20 best sports moments from the golden age of ‘The Simpsons,’ and be sure to drop us a comment and share your love. Special thanks to Ari Amaru for the screencaps.

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Or as we would call it in the United States, “Man Getting Hit By Soccer”.

Witness the “not a moral Kick” that departed Chilean player Jorge Valdivia’s foot and reached its final destination somewhere between the balls of Uruguay’s Alvaro Gonzalez during Friday’s 1-1 draw. I’m not sure what was immoral about it, because it looked like an accident, or like Gonzalez stepped right into it to take the world’s most believable flop. Actually, it looks like something that would show up in Paul Blart: Soccer Player, so maybe he was aiming directly for the laughs.

Regardless, this man took a soccer ball to the junk, and that’s exactly the kind of thing the Internet exists for. I sure hope he was wearing a World Cup [editor's note: Brandon has been fired for making this joke]!

Compare and contrast with the original, as seen here:

Barney’s movie had heart, but Uruguay vs. Chile had a football in the groin.

[h/t Dirty Tackle]

Incredibly talented sports and TV personality Jenn Sterger is at the center of a NFL investigation concerning Brett Favre’s wrinkled old penis, but we all know plenty about this already, and if you don’t then you need to catch up the gross way by checking out this post at Kissing Suzy Kolber from last week. All set? Good. Sterger’s lawyer recently told reporters that they were looking for the proper result in the NFL’s investigation of Favre’s dong, and while I’m guessing that means she wants to see some financial restitution for all the pain and suffering she’s been through for having to witness old man balls, I like to think that we all got some restitution this week for the past four years when Favre was hit in the crotch with a football during practice.

Flubby over at KSK already made the proper and necessary Simpsons reference and Xmas Ape deserves an Espy for his video work (after the jump), and the fellas were even wise enough to turn this special moment into GIF form, but seeing as this feels like Christmas morning to me, I just wanted to make sure that we did our job of sharing the video footage of Favre getting hit in the nuts by a football, too.

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Schellas Hyndman was introduced as FC Dallas' new head coach earlier this week. While they no doubt needed someone tough to deal with the high-pressure environment of Texas soccer, I'm sure the fact that Hyndman is a Combat Ki (which totally sounds like a legit martial art) master who deals out pain to potential attackers by luring them to kick him in his iron crotch puts him way over the top. He's featured around the 22 second mark of the above video with some guy in a salmon polo shirt and high tops punting him in his unpadded groin. Just in case an angry mob from an office cook-out charges the pitch, he'll be ready.