Kickoffs for the early games are just around the corner and I’m sure there are some degenerate gamblers out there still hemming and hawing over which teams they should wager their kid’s insulin money on. Fear not, Weed is here for you. And since picking games is as useless a pursuit as cruising the high school parking lot for dates, let’s try a more unconventional method: general cheerleader attractiveness.
That’s right. I’ll be making my picks for the afternoon games based solely on which image of a team’s cheerleader I found via Google Image Search tickles my fancy more. Why not, I say.
Note: did you know that the Chicago Bears, Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, New York Giants and Pittsburgh Steelers don’t have cheerleaders? The hell? Who runs these teams? Boob-hating communists? Consequently, no picks will be made involving games with these jagoff teams. For shame.
For both of our lady readers out there that might be wondering, “Do guys really like hanging out with girls that like sports?” First of all, how dare you ask us a sports question while making eye contact. Secondly, the answer is yes, but that kind of thing has a time and place. So when you walk in front of a man and start disrobing, do NOT start talking about sports. And if you DO start talking about sports, take a cue from the lady in the video below, and do it quietly enough so that I have no idea what you’re saying.
I love me some off-color humor, but even this makes me uncomfortable. Probably because I’m terrified of gynecologists. What compels them to choose that specialty? I mean, I like vaginas, too, but I don’t wanna put on gloves and fish around in them all day. And you know what they say: fat chicks need exams, too.
Everyone’s all excited about this video of high school freshman Barry Sanders, Jr. — son of Barry Sanders, obviously — scoring on a 64-yard run in the Oklahoma state high school playoffs. And let’s be honest: it’s a great run, and he looks very nimble, and he could go on to do great things in college football or even the pros.
But let’s not get too excited, okay? Let’s not saddle this kid with expectations to be his dad. Barry Sanders is the greatest running back ever, and I don’t mean that in the way bloggers always say the most recent thing they’ve seen is the best thing ever. I mean that Sanders retired almost a decade ago, and even the best running back today (Adrian Peterson) doesn’t hold a candle to him. Sanders was better than Walter Payton, better than LaDainian, even better than Jim Brown. This isn’t up for discussion, and I’ve got the video to back me up. Read the rest of this entry »
The United Football League (UFL) plans to begin its first season in August of next season, even though the league has yet to decide which cities will host its six teams. Previously, the biggest news the UFL made was when its commissioner said he would welcome Michael Vick into the league.
Now the UFL has unveiled its new logo, a blue and green shield with a football enjoined with a star. Yep. Definitely a football and a star. Well, maybe if I squint a little and use my imagination, I can see a clam eating a starfish. But definitely not anything else. Nosirree. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch this unrelated video loop of pistons churning, trains entering tunnels, and Georgia O’Keeffe paintings.
A former teacher for a Texas high school has been arrested and charged with sexual assault and “inappropriate educator/student relationship” for her conduct with at least one member of the school’s football team. Julianna Christine Sauls, 38, allegedly did the full-court press with an 18-year-old student at Azle Christian School.
According to the 18-year-old victim, Sauls had been pursuing him since September, including groping him in class and performing oral sex on him in the Azle High School parking lot…
The victim showed investigators a pink note from Sauls which included her address and phone number. He said Sauls gave it to him so he could contact her anytime he wanted to have sex.
How traumatic it must have been for the 18-year-old legal adult, to be so horribly sexually assaulted with blowjobs from a presumably experienced woman. It may take years and years of therapy, but I think with enough support and the right medication, he may one day rejoin society and live a normal life.
