Or, more simply, “Caekernick.”

Because simply emulating the body art of your favorite quarterback isn’t enough, Village Baking Co. in Modesto, California, has created the COLIN KAEPERNICK ARM CAKE.

@tannerscholtes was gracious enough to snap this picture and share it on Twitter. The full version of the picture is below, in case you need total confirmation that somebody made a cake in the shape of somebody’s arm and created a maelstrom of football fans who thought this was a great idea and really want to eat Colin Kaepernick’s body parts.

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Recently, CBS Sports analyst and GREAT DAD Seth Davis came under fire when he said he wouldn’t want his kids watching mixed martial arts because (and I’m paraphrasing here) two men are near each other and that means gay. From his Twitter:

“Looking on news sites showing picture of two muscular bloody men in homoerotic fighting pose….Sorry, I’ll never get this UFC thing.”

“Maybe I’m a prude on this but I’m also a dad. I don’t mind my sons watching boxing, but I wouldn’t want them watching a UFC bout.”

Davis quickly realized that he wanted to keep his job his mistake and apologized for the offending tweets, but the always progressive UFC was reading, and took it to heart.

Since Seth Davis’ Gay Kids-Gate, UFC President Dana White has worked tirelessly to clear up any worries about homoeroticism in man-on-man combat, making sure all fighters wear full, baggy bodysuits and only touch each other with fully extended arms and legs. He’s also named Corn Nuts the “official nut sack” of Ultimate Fighting and makes sure the announcer tells everybody about their nut sacks before a fight. Okay, one of those two sentences is true. Corn Nuts! They’re corn, all the way to the core. THE CORE OF YOU.

I hope Mr. Davis enjoyed this clip. More importantly, I hope Mr. Davis enjoys the great taste of Corn Nuts.

[h/t to Cage Potato]

Back in 1992, McDonald’s put bacon and barbecue sauce on a quarter-pounder with cheese and called it the ‘McJordan,’ because (according to the ad campaign), bacon, barbecue sauce and the other mustards and horse meats that go into making a quarter-pounder with cheese were Michael Jordan’s “favorite ingredients”. The promotion came and went, but it was not forgotten. You can’t just put your own bacon and barbecue sauce on a quarter-pounder, these are Michael Jordan’s FAVORITE INGREDIENTS and that dude was a PRO STAR, not to mention the greatest basketball player of all time. Some people were left craving McDonald’s unique blend of herbs and chemicals, unable to satiate their incredibly specific hungers. It’s just gone. Hell, I know how they feel. I was all about the Arch Deluxe for the however-many months that thing was around.

The story here should be, “hey, remember a cheeseburger from 20 years ago,” but some people never give up on their dreams. 20 full years later, a man has placed a winning bid on eBay of $9,995 for a jug of authentic McJordan barbecue sauce. Keep hope alive!

Who knows if that’s even McJordan barbecue sauce? Some Internet stranger could’ve made 10 grand putting George Foreman grill drainings into a service jug. Regardless, the bid has been placed, and somewhere, somehow, an assumedly super, super fat guy is accurately recreating something that was better than the McRib, but worse than literally all other food.

The funny thing is that Jordan didn’t even EAT the McJordan. He was a Big Mac man. Proof:

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Nothing says Labor Day quite like spending four hours to make one hamburger, but that’s what the staff at the Black Bear Casino Resort chose to do in breaking the world record for the largest bacon cheeseburger. The burger weighed in at 2,014 pounds and was 10 feet across, which was all more than enough to take down the previous record at 881 pounds.

“Haha, that’s awesome,” said all of the world’s starving children.

Guinness Records representative Philip Robertson verified the record for biggest burger. He called the feat a result of “remarkable teamwork” and said the burger “actually tastes really good.”

Black Bear’s burger included 60 pounds (27 kilograms) of bacon, 50 pounds (23 kilograms) of lettuce, 50 pounds (23 kilograms) of sliced onions, 40 pounds (18 kilograms) of pickles and 40 pounds (18 kilograms) of cheese. (Via Fox News)

I tried to follow up with Robertson to ask if he was being genuine about the burger actually tasting good, but his assistant said that he was currently having a 16-foot tapeworm removed from his B-hole.

In all seriousness, I’m typically fascinated by world records, because they’re just so over-the-top and ridiculous most of the time, but I think attempts like this need to go the way of the dinosaur. I don’t really care that a 2-ton cheeseburger is excessive and offensive to so many people in our own country let alone the rest of the world, because U-S-A! and all that jazz. But there’s nothing creative about it anymore. Give me something that will really blow me away, like a land speed record for a double-decker toilet or the longest recorded flight by a pug dressed as Charles Lindbergh. This country needs innovation now more than ever.

For a minute, I actually considered calling this the most offensive moment in the history of food, but then I remembered this…

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This video is nearly 17 minutes long and is incredibly boring — at one point the cameraperson seems to forget they’re taping a competition at all and just films peoples’ shoulders — but it’s necessary to illustrate Joey Chestnut’s remarkable win at the 2012 Buffalo Wing Festival, and punctuate what a gross f**king human being he is.

Joe took in almost eight goddamn pounds of chicken wings to set the course record, defeating the second place finisher by over a pound of chicken and third place by over two. How depressing is it when you eat over five pounds of food in 12 minutes and finish third? The bar is set too high. Here’s the final tally:

Joey Chestnut: 7.61 pounds
Sonya Thomas: 6.36 pounds
Juliet Lee: 5.36 pounds

Be sure to stick around until the very end, when Chestnut has his hand raised by a guy in a king’s robe and a chicken wing hat like he’s on the Bozo Show. That’s the kind of special touch that makes the competitive eating world’s crowns so prestigious. Also, the ring girls in high-waisted mom shorts.

If you’re wondering how long it takes to shit out a newborn-baby’s-worth of fried food, here’s an important Twitter update from the world champion:

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1. His favorite restaurant is the Cheesecake Factory.

2. He says “chipolty” instead of chipotle.

Two quick reasons to love Kaitlyn:

1. Texas

2. Everything else

It’s Labor Day, which means nobody’s on the Internet and tonight’s Raw thread will only have 30 comments. This is your best-ever chance to get on the Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column’s Top 10 Comments Of The Week, so stop by and post “that Jerry Lawler, what a child molester, am I right” and reap your rewards.

This week’s Raw preview, which basically says what everyone’s thinking: “There’s a lot of stuff happening on Raw, but we only really care about the anger management segments”.

Well, that’s one way to get respect, we suppose. WWE Champion CM Punk’s desire for vindication took a brutal turn for the worst last week when, in a Steel Cage Match, Punk pummeled Jerry “The King” Lawler into unconsciousness after the WWE Hall of Famer refused to acknowledge The Second City Saint as Best in the World. It took John Cena to stop the attack, and the WWE Universe seemed hesitant to give Punk the dues he covets, though, as the champion defiantly turned his back on Cena and strolled out of the arena without another word. With Cena set to challenge Punk for the WWE Title at Night of Champions per Raw General Manager AJ Lee, how will the reignited rivalry between the two play out when Raw reconvenes this week?

Also, anybody else really excited to see those anger collages? (via WWE.com)

Here’s WWE.com user Taylor Martin with further, unedited analysis:

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