For the seventh year in a row, people all over the world gathered to perform ridiculous tasks and insane stunts for the sake of getting their names in the Guinness Book of World Records. Sadly, this is just a reminder to me that another year has come and gone without me setting the world record for making out with the most super models named Kate Upton at the same time, but if someone would hold up her part of the record, I wouldn’t have to keep moping.

Among the incredibly not ridiculous records broken this year included the most people whistling at one time, the world’s largest Zumba class, the planet’s biggest coloring book, and the most people to ever partake in a speed-dating event. That last one happened in China, so I assume that like 10,000,000 babies are due about 9 months from now. But those records were just the tips of the dork icebergs.

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Yesterday, we shared with you the news that beloved (cough) Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has parted ways with the organization because he couldn’t fly to Spain on their dime and wanted a bigger boat. In the Bard’s own words, by way of the Chicago Sun-Times:

“If I leave here, I will say, ‘I leave here because I want to make my [bleeping] money,’ ” he said. “You know why? Because no [bleeping] fans, no [bleeping] Jerry or [bleeping] anybody is going to take care of my grandkids and put me in a 62-foot boat. That’s why there’s free agency.’’

The Dugout has been on a brief hiatus while I was away on vacation and/or readjusting to the rigors of going to work every day in my underwear, so please enjoy this super-sized edition featuring the entire Ozzie Guillen saga, from his announcement of free agency to his Floridian journey and all the way back to Chicago, where the managers flow like wine. If you get concerned about the accents as you read, please remember how Ozzie Guillen actually sounds, and consider that I did him a favor.

The strip will be back in our regular rotation again from here on out (because baseball season being over is the best time for Dugouts, because I’m not watching baseball and things are actually happening) so be sure to like us on Facebook to keep up with the stories and drop us a comment either here or there. We’d also appreciate feedback in the form of 62-foot boats.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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"BUY THIS HOUSE, BROTHER!"

Back in 2007, it was revealed that Hulk Hogan had cheated on his wife, Linda, with a 33-year old woman who worked on Brooke Hogan’s album in 2006. It was also back in 2006 when Hogan’s family showed the first sign of crumbling, when their huge Belleair (before you get excited that’s in Clearwater, FL) mansion hit the market for a whopping $25 million. In retrospect, it made sense because Linda took the Hulkster to the cleaners in their divorce settlement. Well, she didn’t get the house, so that money belongs to Hulk.

You know, when he actually sells it.

According to published reports, Hogan tried selling the 17,145-square-foot home in 2006 for $25 million. Then the asking price was cut to $13.9 million. This past February, it was slashed to $10.9 million.

The property appraiser’s officer says the market value is $5.4 million.

The house at 130 Willadel Drive has five bedrooms, eight bathrooms and three half-bathrooms, according to a listing by Coldwell Banker Residential Real Estate.

(Via Tampa Bay Online)

Oof, that’s a hell of a drop off, brother. While I’m not a real estate agent, I did once sublet my house to a hipster couple on Craigslist so I feel like I’m qualified enough to offer the Hulkster some advice – burn it down and collect the insurance money. Hold on, I’m getting a call on the Uproxx hotline from Danger Guerrero… apparently my suggestion is illegal. OK, idea No. 2 – sell it to me for $5.

What you’re looking at may or may not be the new Miami Marlins logo.

“Official unveiling 11/11 (Nov. 11),” texted Marlins president David Samson. “No other comment.”

It could be completely fake, which makes us think it is 100% real. If you’re looking for an other comment, here are a few — my friend Mike says it looks like the old Prism TV logo. David Brown of Big League Stew thinks it looks like an upside-down version of the W Hotels W. I think it looks like something I’d drive or drive over in F-Zero.

So many questions. What happened to the marlin? It used to look like a fish, now it’s just a vaguely Marlin-shaped swoosh. Where’s the teal? You’re getting rid of the teal? Your team came from the 1990s, Florida, don’t try to make me forget that. Are the Rockies going to debut their red, white and blue uniforms next year? What’s going to happen to Billy Marlin? The man’s head is teal. Are you going to replace him with colors? If I have my birthday party at New Marlins Ballpark will I have to pay $150 to get my picture taken with colors?

This could be a soft launch, like when Green Lantern tried to promote itself by accidentally showing us Blake Lively’s boobs, or it could be a complete fabrication. The color scheme matches the logo they have on Marlins.com for the new ballpark, but I could go on Worth1000 and post a picture of the Insane Clown Posse riding a leaping tiger, and if I show it to enough people it’ll pop up on HuffPo tomorrow morning as Detroit’s “new, rumored logo”. So who knows?

"Deletree la palabra 'viejo.'"

If I lived anywhere else on the planet aside from Florida, I’d probably think it was mean to make fun of old people. But since I have to drive behind them and wait for them to sort coupons in the Publix express lines, I’m elated to find a story about an old people spelling bee. And it’s everything that you could expect from old people being asked to spell words.

Not only do the 15 contestants constantly mishear the words, but the words that they’re given are absolute gold. Flaccid? Seriously? Why not make them spell euthanasia or cerebrovascular? But it doesn’t end there. Not when the old people were asked their opinions, which you know are just as great.

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Who’s ready to pack up the ol’ cooler and head down to Matsumura Fishworks & Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern Ballpark to see the Marlins? That’s the reality south Florida could be facing as the two-time World Series champs are “talking [with] multinational companies … looking to get their name in Miami” about the park name and that a four-month-long deal is “close to being finalized”.

During a media tour of the ballpark in mid-June, team President David Samson said negotiations were down to two companies.

“The end is always the hardest. I wanted an announcement [by] June 1. We are in an area where we’ve narrowed it down considerably and we’re at the final lap,” Samson said at the time. “It’s going to be a very interesting deal when it’s announced. Both companies are international companies.”

Believe it or not, companies struggling to stay afloat in our shifty economy are still willing to dump loads of cash into putting their name on stadiums. MetLife is close to securing rights to Meadowlands Stadium in New Jersey for an average of $17 million to $18 million a year. The stadium MetLife should’ve paid that much money to sponsor, Citi Field, got the “Citi” name in a 20-year, $400 million deal. Nationals Park got their name through a sponsorship with Major League Baseball team the Washington Nationals, because nobody likes the Nats and they’re the baseball team equivalent of that terrible opinion board that puts CONTACT US ABOUT ADVERTISING all over the page.

Anyway, the whole “French douche company name on our stadium instead of a local institution” thing isn’t going over well with the Marlins faithful, like Craig from Fish Stripes:

“Multinational companies that are looking to get their name in Miami”? I don’t like the sound of that. Does that mean they won’t have any South Florida roots? If the stadium is named after Bacardi, I’m cool with that. Or after one of the cruise lines, no problem. Or Burger King, that will work. Or Publix, I can get behind that. But it better not be a British Petroleum-like company or some vampire squid financial institution. But for some reason, I am afraid it will be.

Yeah, call it Publix Park, I want to see a ballgame at a place that sounds like I should be covering it with my underwear.

[h/t Yahoo! Sports]