I’m late getting to this story, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Wednesday’s brawl at Florida State, allegedly involving several FSU football players and members of the Phi Beta Sigma fraternity.  The most recent news out of Tallahassee is that the Seminoles will be missing five wide receivers who were suspended for the high noon campus melee.

I Bleed Garnet and Gold (via Deadspin) has a supposed insider report.  I can’t verify the veracity of the story, but the source was correct in the people involved, so there’s probably a fair amount of truth in what follows:

“[A] group of WR’s jumped the sigmas in the union. It turned into an all out brawl. The Sigmas were getting dragged up the stairs of Moore Auditorium and thrown through tables.”

“Someone got stabbed in the face with a pencil. A girl trying to split up the fight got punched in the face and another girl was hit in the face with a chair because a Sigma threw a chair at [Corey] Surrency and he ducked.”

Supposedly, this fight was started by the wideouts and was the second chapter to a fight over a girl in a club last week.  But honestly, do we need more details than “stabbed in the face with a pencil” and “another girl was hit in the face with a chair”?  And the answer is yes.  Yes we absolutely do.  There’s a rumor that this was all caught on tape, and I’m salivating just thinking about it.

Myron Rolle, a safety for Florida State, has a 3.75 GPA and finished his undergrauate studies in just two and half years, according to Larry Brown Sports.  Now, like so many student-athletes before him, he has to balance his team’s games with his interview to become a Rhodes Scholar.

The ACC announced Monday that FSU’s Nov. 22 game at Maryland will kick off at 7:45 p.m. on ESPN.

Rolle will be in Birmingham, Ala., that day to interview for a Rhodes Scholarship. He should be done in Alabama by 5 p.m., CST, which should give him a shot at hopping a charter flight to make the game by halftime.

I applaud Rolle for his work ethic, and I hope he gets the scholarship to study at Oxford.  But I refuse to be impressed that he got good grades at Florida State.  I’m more impressed with people who graduate from clown college.  Although, I understand FSU does offer some rigorous ballon-animal courses.

Anchors Aweigh my boys! Navy finally broke their long losing streak to Notre Dame by defeating the Fightin' Irish 46-44 in triple overtime in South Bend.  

[ND coach Charlie] Weis said the 43-game winning streak had no meaning to him or the team.  "They're worried about here and now. These kids are 17. You think they're worrying about 43 years?" he said.

Of course a 43-game winning streak has no meaning for Weis' lads because they can't even comprehend winning more than 1 game a season.  Who do Irish sailors root for in this game?  That's a trick question, such men must devote all their concentration on remaining erect – they have no time for games.  And you can define 'erect' any way you want.

In other Catholic college football news, Boston College lost to Florida State 27-17, thus ending the Eagles hopes for an undefeated season.  What the heck does Christ do on Saturdays anyway?  I mean, I know he doesn't answer wager-related prayers, but one would think he'd at least help squads representing the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church smite their opponents.  Unless Roman Catholicism is not the one true faith?  Don't tell me I served all those years as an altar boy for nothing. -KD

Following Florida State's first shutout loss in 233 games, FSU offensive coordinator Jeff Bowden resigned today, effective at the end of the season. And we all know what "resigned" means. It means, "Daddy no longer loves you."

I actually have a lot of sympathy for Jeff. I tried to follow in my father's footsteps, but it didn't work out. I didn't have the right mindset. He was all about being a feared international jewel thief, while my passion has always been fighting crime. And if you don't think there's going to be a tense faceoff between us that settles this once and for all, you're clearly ignorant of how Hollywood blockbusters work.

I'm sorry, I lied about all that. The truth is my dad fired me from Burger King. Whatever, I wasn't about to stop calling the Big Fish Sandwhich the Whaler.