Having attended quite a few baseball games at Conrad Park in beautiful DeLand, Florida – where the man with the newest model El Camino is king – I can tell you with great certainty that Stetson Hatters fans take their baseball quite seriously. After all, baseball and (every once in a while) basketball are all that Stetson has had ever since its football program decided to take a dirt nap back in 1957. But with football poised to return this year, the baseball program might as well enjoy the popularity while it can.

And judging by this first pitch from Tuesday’s night’s game against Florida State, Stetson fans have already long forgotten about baseball and, more specifically, how to throw one. We’ve previously discussed the finer aspects of what I believe is the art of throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game, but the one thing that I will always impress upon those given the opportunity is to not act like a total douche caboose before you throw the pitch, unless you are absolutely confident that it’ll be a strike.

Because otherwise you’ll look like this goober and there’s no recovery from the bro shame that will be laid upon a man after this kind of performance. Shame this man, Stetson bros. Shame him good.

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Last week, I had the pleasure of taking part in the 22nd annual Florida College Football Roast (video soon), presented by the Kiwanis Club of Palm Beach Gardens, at which representatives of Florida’s top colleges (excluding USF, because) talk a little trash before the college football season starts each year. Basically, it was a chance for 6 of us to make fun of UCF’s NCAA sanctions and FAU’s empty stadium, while peppering Florida State and Florida with redneck jokes and Miami with prison remarks. All in the name of charity, of course.

But one of the more common jokes this year regarded No. 6 Florida State’s schedule, as the Seminoles began the season with a cupcake in Murray State (won 69-3) and will play another pastry in Savannah State tomorrow. Normally, this isn’t any big deal – teams schedule fluff all the time – but the oddsmakers have issued a fun little challenge to FSU.

If you go with No. 6 Florida State in Saturday’s game against lowly Savannah State, you’ll be starting with a 70½-point deficit.

That’s right, SEVENTY AND A HALF!

“Without a doubt,” said Mike Colbert, vice president of risk management for Las Vegas-based Cantor Gaming, “this is the biggest line I’ve put up in 10 years doing this.”

No kidding. From all indications, this is largest point spread ever for a Division I game. (Via ESPN)

Last week, No. 18 Oklahoma State defeated the very same Savannah State team 84-0 for the biggest cover in history at 65.5 points, which led to CBS’ resident “I don’t agree with anything that anyone says, but I’m just me, this is all just me being me” guy, Gregg Doyel, calling for the death penalty or something ridiculous for OK State and FSU.

However, if you’re not ashamed of looking for an entertaining subplot for this weekend’s NCAA football action, this would be it. Can Florida State help create a fun new pissing contest that will eventually rope in college’s best scoreboard-runners by one-upping OK State? Better yet, which previously-unheard-of school will Urban Meyer schedule so he can get a piece of this action? Will Chip Kelly play two quarterbacks at a time just so Oregon can score 200 points per game? This could be fun.

Meanwhile, if you need to reach Savannah State’s athletic director, he’ll be in Las Vegas dropping the $860,000 that his team has made in two weeks on Florida State to cover.

The last time country music star John Anderson walked in the swamp, he sat upon a Cypress stump. He listened close and he heard the ghost of Osceola cry. Why was Osceola crying? Because Florida State University had just deemed him inappropriate for “certain opportunities” and replaced him with Rarity from the f**king ‘My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’ cartoon.

You’d think they would’ve at least gone with Chief Thunderhooves.

“Osceola and Renegade are revered and honored symbols of Florida State athletics, as has been recognized by their recent selection as the best tradition in all of college football,” said FSU Assistant Athletic Director of Marketing and Promotions Jason Dennard. “We treat our symbol with great honor and respect, and they appear only at football games, Homecoming and Fan Day. Cimarron has been revived to give a promotional presence at other designated events. It also allows us to participate in some opportunities that were not appropriate for the distinguished symbol of Osceola and Renegade.”

Florida State commissioned the design and fabrication of Cimarron by Scollon Productions Inc. in the fall of 2011. Scollon has been the costume character designer and manufacturer of choice for many corporations worldwide, including Warner Brothers, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and more than 100 sports teams. (via CFB Section)

CFB Section’s report suggests the switch to Cimarron means FSU is “obviously looking to do away with” Chief Osceola, but that’s not the impression I got. What I gathered from the statement is that sometimes you want to send your mascot to the local elementary schools, and a dude wearing warpaint and pointing a spear at kids from atop a charging horse might not be the way to go.

But hey, if you’re the type who gets bent out of shape about “politically correct” types thinking you shouldn’t have a denomination of people as your team mascot (and as a fan of the Cleveland Indians I understand this fully), just point out that Cimarron means “runaway slave” in Spanish. Eventually FSU’s mascot is just going to be a grey rectangle with the word “SCHOOL” written across it.

With Brandon out gallivanting around Austin for SXSW, living the rock star life, and me back here at home watching the baby, I realized that I forgot to do a ROFLMNBAO post last week, and for that I can’t apologize enough. But I also figured that we could take a breather from Dwight Howard’s flip-flopping, Chris Bosh’s squawking, Blake Griffin’s air balling and Derrick Rose’s back injuring and celebrate some of the stars of the weekend’s NCAA Tournament action for this week’s edition.

After all, there were some great games that none of us expected as the Sweet 16 field presented itself. And to tie the NBA and NCAA ends together, I got to wondering what would have happened if Florida Gators coach Billy Donovan would have taken the Orlando Magic head coach position a few years ago, instead of backing out and returning to UF. And I don’t imaging it would be much different, as Otis Smith would have still traded for the worst contract in basketball and I’d still have the liver of a 63-year old.

On with the celebration and mockery of America’s student-athletes!

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North Carolina State men’s basketball coach Mark Gottfried created/contributed to some rumblings on the old Twitters last night, saying that he has heard that Texas A&M and Florida State may join the SEC. Texas Governor Rick Perry has been praying daily for the SEC to call on A&M, and that shouldn’t surprise anyone because he’s an Aggie alum. But the news about FSU is a bit of a surprise, since the ‘Noles have been ACC mainstays for 20 years. Either way, the Internet is awake so the spin machines are working.

From the Orlando Sentinel:

If the rumors about Texas A&M do pan out, though, it would send the SEC to 13 teams and a potentially swollen SEC West division. That probably would send the conference looking for a suitable SEC East counterpart to balance the sides. For that reason, most believe Florida State, a team already located in the heart of Dixie, and with a big SEC-style following, would be that 14th team.

Sucks for you, University of West Florida. But won’t somebody crap on that rumor?

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The unranked Florida State seminoles defeated the top ranked Duke Blue Devils in Tallahassee last night, which is great, because I love it when bad things happen to teams that receive special treatment. And before you even start complaining about me jealous, I want you to look at the above screen shot from last night’s game. Chris Singleton, one of the Seminoles’ key players, picked up his fourth foul on a horrendous offensive foul call, for which Kyle Singler deserves an Oscar. Singler flails around, falling four yards back to somehow get the call, probably because Coach K works officiating crews like Charlie Sheen works booths at the AVN awards.

What’s more infuriating is how the media treats the Blue Devils. It’s no secret how much Dickie V loves Duke, but it’d be nice if Dick didn’t let his man crush on Coach K prevent him from being a competent announcer. In his words, Dickie V was Awful with a capital ‘A’, baby!

Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »