Okay, so your first instinct here is to go “OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS STUPID HOT GIRL LET ME TELL EVERYONE I KNOW ON THE INTERNET ABOUT HER SO WE CAN SHARE A FELLOWSHIP-LOL” and crosspost it on Facebook and Twitter (and your semi-reputable sports blog). It’s a Florida State Kappa Delta sorority girl asking Jeremy Lin to be her date, but she doesn’t know his first name, doesn’t know what sport he plays, doesn’t know what team he plays for and assumes he’s a black guy.

And yeah, in a perfect world this is one of those “Gimme a thumbs up ‘er somethin’ Hot Rod Lincoln!”-esque stories where we’re privy to impossible human innocence and the fairy tale ends with Lin showing up and taking her to her thing and a few Good Morning America appearances where she covers her mouth and can’t believe how dumb/lucky she is. By proxy, her boobs are enjoyed by all.

There are, unfortunately, a few problems.

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I would guess that a lot of guys have gone through a breakup with a girl and then the whole thing seems over and then the girl calls you up (or maybe they just send texts now; I honestly don’t know how that sort of thing works these days) and then she’s all I’d really like to see you one more time. And then the guy is all like Why should I see you? You broke up WITH ME. And then she’s like, Well I need CLOSURE. And it’s usually just “closure” without “closure sex.” So then dude has to go put on pants without any hope of taking them off.

So of course dude is like all Forget that, baby. But then she gets all whiny and she gets all Please, this would really mean a lot to me. And then he goes ahead and goes and then he realizes that she only dumped him so that she’d have more leverage to keep him from hanging out with his friends at that seedy bar on Thursday nights even though she has FREAKING PILATES ON THURSDAY and wouldn’t want to hang out with him on that night anyway. Yeah, that’s exactly what this Bobby Bowden thing is like.