What you’re looking at may or may not be the new Miami Marlins logo.

“Official unveiling 11/11 (Nov. 11),” texted Marlins president David Samson. “No other comment.”

It could be completely fake, which makes us think it is 100% real. If you’re looking for an other comment, here are a few — my friend Mike says it looks like the old Prism TV logo. David Brown of Big League Stew thinks it looks like an upside-down version of the W Hotels W. I think it looks like something I’d drive or drive over in F-Zero.

So many questions. What happened to the marlin? It used to look like a fish, now it’s just a vaguely Marlin-shaped swoosh. Where’s the teal? You’re getting rid of the teal? Your team came from the 1990s, Florida, don’t try to make me forget that. Are the Rockies going to debut their red, white and blue uniforms next year? What’s going to happen to Billy Marlin? The man’s head is teal. Are you going to replace him with colors? If I have my birthday party at New Marlins Ballpark will I have to pay $150 to get my picture taken with colors?

This could be a soft launch, like when Green Lantern tried to promote itself by accidentally showing us Blake Lively’s boobs, or it could be a complete fabrication. The color scheme matches the logo they have on Marlins.com for the new ballpark, but I could go on Worth1000 and post a picture of the Insane Clown Posse riding a leaping tiger, and if I show it to enough people it’ll pop up on HuffPo tomorrow morning as Detroit’s “new, rumored logo”. So who knows?

Back To The Future Part II was fictional, people.

Robert Zemeckis imagined the California of 2015 as being overrun with 80s nostalgia, 3-D movies with terrible special effects, shoes that mechanically lace themselves and multi-racial gangs on hovering skateboards … and for some reason the United States (and the rest of the world) seems intent on making that California a reality. There’s a store in your mall selling Thundercats and My Little Pony merchandise right now. Shark Night 3-D isn’t any more convincing than the fake looking shark in Jaws 19 and Nike is auctioning off 1,500 pairs of Marty McFly shoes. Doc Brown is there. Even Major League Baseball is trying to make it happen.

In Part II, Marty sees a billboard congratulating the Chicago Cubs on their 2015 World Series victory against a team from Miami. As ridiculous as this seemed in 1989, Miami’s expansion team entered the league only four years later as the Florida Marlins, and as of the release of the 2012 MLB schedule the next step has been taken — say hello, officially, to the Miami Marlins.

The Florida Marlins announced their home schedule for the 2012 regular season. It will be the team’s first season in the New Marlins Ballpark and the first as the Miami Marlins.

Opening Day is set for April 4 when the Marlins host the St. Louis Cardinals.

Now, only two more things need to happen:

1. Realignment needs to occur, moving the Miami Marlins to the American League
2. The Cubs have to build a World-Series-caliber team over the next three seasons

The funny part is that one is more realistic than two. Laugh all you want, but remember — when the Cubbies sweep the series, you’re gonna wish you could go back to the beginning of the season and put some money on them.

“I heard his mom screaming, looked back and blood was squirting out of his forehead,” said Mets second-basemen Justin Turner. “I felt sick to my stomach.”

That comment puts into perspective this video of a young boy getting his face rearranged by a Greg Dobbs line-drive. The shot happened top of the ninth inning of Monday’s game between the Mets and the Florida Marlins, and while most fan and ball interactions in the stands are funny (the Astros fan side-stepping a pop fly to let it hit his girlfriend) or facepalm-worthy (Steve Bartman, any whimpering little kids), this one is just unsettling. Thankfully we never get a clear look at the shot or the squirting blood, but what we can see is enough.

The boy got a bat as a souvenir, but chances are he’ll be carrying this frozen rope to the head with him for the rest of his life. Eventually we’re going to have to play baseball games in aquariums to keep people from getting hit, tripping down flights of stairs or falling to their death.

[h/t Ted Williams Head, by way of Jimmy Traina]

smdh

Sports

Santiago Casilla And The Worst Plate Appearance In Baseball History - A guy with no interest in batting gets on base because a pitcher can’t throw three uncontested strikes. He’s standing like two feet from the plate, I’m thinking Billy f**king Marlin could’ve wandered out and made those throws. [SBN]

Ndamukong Suh Is Still Trying To Decapitate Quarterbacks - I wish my name was 1/50th as cool as Ndamukong Suh’s. My name is “Brandon” because I was born in the 80s. Ten years later 90210 showed up and every kid got the name. I’m going to name my nerdy white child “Ndamukong” to turn the tides. [Smoking Section]

Rex Ryan Photobombs Mark Sanchez’s GQ Photo Shoot - It does look like some pretty good bathin’. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Hot Potato Gallery: Iryna Ivanova, MMA Ring Girl And Playboy Playmate - At some point we’re going to have to draw the line in regards to whom we masturbate. Seriously, if you took away this girl’s boobs she’d be the Harry Potter cosplay girl down at Jamba Juice. She’s the type who’d show up on Ricki Lake as the LOOK AT ME NOW lady. But yes, her boobs are giant. [Cage Potato]

With Leather

The Best and Worst of WWE Summerslam 2011 - Enjoy the general positivity of this column, because I came pretty close to doing The Worst And Worst for Raw. I can’t even figure out a way to drag a Best out of Kelly Kelly at this point. [With Leather]

Alex Smith Is Awful - and nine other random thoughts from the NFL this weekend. In a better world, Burnsy’s football stuff would get 150 comments and my dumb wrestling things would be begging for feedback. I mean, moreso than they already are. [With Leather]

Kimbo Slice Hilariously Murders White Nobody - Update: Kimbo also beat Von Kaiser, but he’s having trouble on Piston Honda because he’s seven and can’t get the hang of the “block” mechanics. I would put up a better fight than this guy and I haven’t thrown a real punch since I was 16. [With Leather]

Delonte West Is A Rapper Now - Of course he is. Is he still riding around on a three-wheeled motorcycle? That would be even cooler. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Huzzah! Kate Plus 8 Finally Canceled - Now Kate can lower to her rightful role of being about as famous as Flo from Progressive. I still wish they’d done a show called “Jon Plus Non” about Jon Gosselin wandering around smoking, having to care for no-one. [Warming Glow]

On the Catwalk: The Best of the Algonquin Hotel’s Cat Fashion Show - I tried hard to justify this as sports, but came up short. I can give the thumbs up to a sex doll contest and air guitar, but not cat fashion shows. I’m doing the internet wrong. [UPROXX]

Ken Jeong and Donald Glover Talk Community Season 3 - Brandon talks wanting to watch Community Season 3 right now. It’s been off long enough for me to start thinking it’s not as good as it actually is. Come back quickly before I start having stupid opinions! [Ask Men]

The Worst People On Facebook (And Possibly The Planet) - Hoooooly sh*t. It starts off bad and gets so, so much worse. I thought I knew some messed up people. Way to ruin “boom, roasted” for everyone, jerks. [College Humor]

Who’s ready to pack up the ol’ cooler and head down to Matsumura Fishworks & Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern Ballpark to see the Marlins? That’s the reality south Florida could be facing as the two-time World Series champs are “talking [with] multinational companies … looking to get their name in Miami” about the park name and that a four-month-long deal is “close to being finalized”.

During a media tour of the ballpark in mid-June, team President David Samson said negotiations were down to two companies.

“The end is always the hardest. I wanted an announcement [by] June 1. We are in an area where we’ve narrowed it down considerably and we’re at the final lap,” Samson said at the time. “It’s going to be a very interesting deal when it’s announced. Both companies are international companies.”

Believe it or not, companies struggling to stay afloat in our shifty economy are still willing to dump loads of cash into putting their name on stadiums. MetLife is close to securing rights to Meadowlands Stadium in New Jersey for an average of $17 million to $18 million a year. The stadium MetLife should’ve paid that much money to sponsor, Citi Field, got the “Citi” name in a 20-year, $400 million deal. Nationals Park got their name through a sponsorship with Major League Baseball team the Washington Nationals, because nobody likes the Nats and they’re the baseball team equivalent of that terrible opinion board that puts CONTACT US ABOUT ADVERTISING all over the page.

Anyway, the whole “French douche company name on our stadium instead of a local institution” thing isn’t going over well with the Marlins faithful, like Craig from Fish Stripes:

“Multinational companies that are looking to get their name in Miami”? I don’t like the sound of that. Does that mean they won’t have any South Florida roots? If the stadium is named after Bacardi, I’m cool with that. Or after one of the cruise lines, no problem. Or Burger King, that will work. Or Publix, I can get behind that. But it better not be a British Petroleum-like company or some vampire squid financial institution. But for some reason, I am afraid it will be.

Yeah, call it Publix Park, I want to see a ballgame at a place that sounds like I should be covering it with my underwear.

[h/t Yahoo! Sports]

This is the most interesting part of a Florida Marlins 11-2 midseason victory over the Washington Nationals. A praying mantis showed up in the Florida dugout, causing the Marlins announcing and production teams to completely forget about baseball happening and just film players reacting to it. What happens then comes dangerously close to infringing on Jon Bois “three-act play” storytelling as Marlins hitting coach Eduardo Perez and players Clay Hensley and Logan Morrison illustrate the only three ways I can think of to react to an unexpected, monstrous bug.

Act 1: Clay Hensley

Hensley initially reacts like we all would, going OH MY GOD WHAT and spinning around in circles slapping at his back. But reality quickly sets in, and Hensley realizes 1) a praying mantis isn’t going to hurt him, and 2) it’s not every day that you’re a professional baseball player with a bug standing on your head, so why not relax and enjoy it. Hensley’s point of view evolves from confrontational to accepting, and I think that’s the only way to get through life.

Act 2: Eduardo Perez

Perez has the best and most identifiable reaction, noticing it out of the corner of his eye and just kinda looking at it for a while. Maybe he was trying to figure out if he was still at the baseball game, or if he’d been taken on a vision quest and was staring down his spirit animal. When he processes it, his reaction turns into a smile and a “ha, hey guys, look at this thing”.

Act 3: Logan Morrison

Morrison’s reaction is that of youth. He waves at the praying mantis as if he’s enlightened enough to commune with nature, then FLIPS THE HELL OUT when the mantis accepts his greeting and jumps on his shoulder. Probably a pretty normal reaction for a guy who spends all day on Twitter. Bugs are weird, right?

The Chorus

Ugh, the praying mantis isn’t watching home plate, you goons, it is a bug. Pay attention to the baseball.

[h/t Mike Westfall]