If you’re anything like me, you couldn’t care less about the snooze-fest that is college baseball. That being said, a few entertaining pieces of news from the sport will occasionally mosey their way down the ESPN ticker wire once and awhile. One such story broke last spring. Florida International’s Garrett Wittels got on an epic hit streak, eventually running up his tally of hits in consecutive games to 56, two behind the 58 game record set by Robin Ventura in 1987.

But Wittels now finds himself in a situation that has put both his chance at a record and anal virginity in jeopardy. After a trip to the Bahamas, Wittels and his two friends have returned home to the United States with rape convictions.

Garrett Wittels was accused of raping a 17-year-old teenage tourist on Dec. 20 while on a visit to the archipelago east of Florida. The 20-year-old infielder ended last season with the second-longest hitting streak in NCAA Division I history, two behind the 58-game run by Oklahoma State’s Robin Ventura in 1987.

Two of Wittels’ friends also face rape charges, officials said.

Robert Rothschild, 21, of New York, was accused of raping two 17-year-old girls, while Jonathan Oberti, 21, also of New York, was charged with raping one, according to Bahamian court officials. –USA Today

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Knicks fans surely loved the idea of Isiah Thomas returning to the professional basketball franchise that he did his very best to destroy. Thomas signed a deal to return to New York as a full-time consultant, figuratively speaking, as he intended to perform that job while remaining at Florida International as their head basketball coach.

Thomas is in violation of NBA rules which prohibit team employees from recruiting high school players, which Thomas would have to do as coach at FIU. Unfortunately, Knicks fans aren’t in the clear yet —

Thomas said in a recent interview, “If I was to leave FIU, the only positions that I would be interested in looking at would be a general manager for a team or consulting or advising with a team.” –MSNBC.

How does this asshole keep getting jobs? Just unreal. Does Isiah have jpegs of Dolan naked with Nathan Lane? I mean, that wouldn’t be anything to be ashamed of. He’s an accomplished stage actor. Oh, he’s gay? Well I didn’t know that. Oh, AND he follows the Knicks? Perv.

Even as the newly-anointed basketball coach for Florida International, Isiah Thomas is still running the same playbook as before; he wants to pull his team out of the “Coaches vs. Cancer” tournament. That tournament has him slated to play against defending national champion North Carolina, and not Ohio State as Thomas and FIU expected:

“We knew nothing about this until the press release from North Carolina today,” [FIU athletic director Pete] Garcia said. “We told them last week we would not change the game and had never agreed to this.”

The group running the tournament respectfully disagrees.

Gazelle Group president Rick Giles said that he has a contract, signed by Garcia, which stipulates that FIU would play either Ohio State or North Carolina, leaving the choice at the discretion of the Gazelle Group. He said that is the way his company has written contracts for 15 years and fully expects the school to honor its agreement. via.

I’m inclined to agree with the group that didn’t hire the same guy that maligned the Toronto Raptors, the Indiana Pacers, the New York Knicks and murdered the Continental Basketball Association while it slept all alone in the pale moonlight. It’s like my dad always said: “Fool me four times, shame on you. Fool me five times, I’m a dumbass.” That explains why he only went to jail four times. You’ve gotta wake up pretty early in the afternoon to fool that guy. first seen.

Uncoached takes us to University Park, Florida, where the young ladies of Florida International University are…pretty much sitting around doing nothing. Hmmm, Wikipedia said you guys your school is a public research university, but some of us wouldn’t mind making it a pubic research facility. Yes? Yes? No? Maybe?

Anyway, see the whole gallery there. See my faves here while I get more coffee and write some better jokes.

UPDATE: ESPN is reporting that Thomas will work next season for free. Florida International still overpaid.

Florida International University’s AD Pete Garcia must have allowed himself to be photographed having gay sex in a children’s library with Satan, because that’s the only reason I can muster for his hiring of Isiah Thomas. To coach their basketball team. Not like make copies or fetch coffee or anything, because even that seems out of the man’s skill range.

“Coming back to the college game has always been a dream of mine, and I didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to go somewhere where we can build a basketball legacy together,” Thomas said in a statement.

A beautiful basketball legacy of failure, to be specific. Pete Garcia, I thank you, sir. You’ve just made my job a lot easier come this winter. As for now, I’m at a total loss. Probably because my brain just exploded.

|GameOn| Orig. run 4/14/09