While the NFL Lockout continues, players are still forced to look elsewhere for around-the-clock attention, so it was no surprise that Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder returned to his South Florida radio show the other day. Once a week, Crowder and his guests offer their opinions and insight into the day’s hot topic NFL and Dolphins issues, and this week’s big subject was Terrelle Pryor’s admission of selling autographs and jerseys to Ohio businessmen. Crowder said that he supports Pryor because he “hypothetically” gets where he’s coming from.

“I’ll say hypothetically I don’t have any more of my Florida jerseys,” Crowder said Sunday. “There were some Jacksonville businessmen that really hypothetically liked my play.”

(CBS Sports)

And hypothetically speaking, it’s funny when Crowder talks about his college days, because he was hypothetically very promising and he hypothetically shot himself in his hypothetical ass when he blamed Mel Kiper’s first round projection as the reason he spent too much money before the Dolphins even chose him in the third round. Hypothetically, his one career interception, 2.5 sacks and 3 fumbles suck. It’s too bad those Jacksonville businessmen weren’t working for the Jaguars, amiright fellow Dolphins fans?

Look, I’m not going to be the eleventy-billionth sports-words-typing-guy to shake my ham fist in rage that a college athlete is trying to profit off of his own skills and services. Nothing is going to change until college players learn how to strike, but then that would affect their educations and we can’t have that. I just find it so ironic that a guy like Crowder could command a high price for his college jerseys and autographs when I can pick up his Dolphins jersey at Marshalls.

While the NFL owners and players may or may not be nearing a deal that could give the players a 48% cut of total revenue, it’s good to know that some football fans still have the opportunity to spend their money wisely. For instance, did you know that you can purchase your very own bronze statue of former Florida Gators and current Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow?

Roll back the foreskin and check out this awesome deal – for just $12,000 you can purchase a 15-inch high bronze statue (the mold seen above) of Tebow in his glory days at Florida or as a promising young stallion with the Denver Broncos. The statue is the work of artist Franco Castelluccio, who hails from Winter Springs, Florida, which may be the most beautiful city on the face of this Earth. Hold on, I’m receiving a message on my ham radio… no, Winter Springs is not beautiful.

Regardless, Castelluccio’s latest work allows you the chance to pay $800 per inch to forever enjoy Tebow’s storied career. Worried about raising that kind of coin? Don’t. If that $12K price tag is too rich for your blood, he also offers a non-bronzed version. But come on, cheapskate, live a little. It’s Tebow. One look at this statue and your child will circumcise himself.

And even if Tebow’s not your preferred lawn ornament, Castelluccio has other sports options available.

Read the rest of this entry »

It shouldn’t be surprising that a guy with a name like a terrible Game Boy game (Ja’Juan Story) would say something shocking and hilarious in an interview, but here we are, being a little surprised. The Brooksville Nature Coast wide receiver and incoming Florida Gators freshman helped show how awesome sports would be if nobody told players what to say by referencing both Katy Perry and doodoo (and nearly everything else that exists) in an interview with Gator Country’s Amy Campbell.

Q: What’s the most played song on your iPod?

A: Most played…I don’t know, I want to say Katy Perry, “Fireworks.” It’s intense.

Q: What’s your favorite pre-game ritual?

A: Well, I take a doodoo. Before every game I doodoo.

Q: That’s your FAVORITE pregame ritual?

A: Well, that’s the only thing I do. That’s one thing I have to do before every game, or I won’t feel energy, and I’ll just feel slow. When I do I just feel light on my feet and everything, and I feel faster, so that’s what I do.

Q: You know I’m going to write this in a story right?

A: Well, I mean, that’s what it is. I doodoo and then listen to Katy Perry.

In a related story, interviews with players would be great if we never came up with questions better than these. LeBron James, what is your favorite color? Red? NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

But no, if you can’t get behind a college football player who loves to sh** and rock out to “Ur So Gay” (or at least want to read about him, as “getting behind him” could be dangerous), I don’t know what to tell you. This exchange of dialogue is only the squeezed off tip of the iceberg. At one point he says he has a great business idea for sports, but won’t share it, because the interviewer would steal it. He also uses the phrase “my booty was out.”

[H/T Alligator Army]

University of Florida basketball standout Chandler Parsons has already been named the 2011 SEC Player of the Year, but today he’s going for a much bigger prize: King of the Internet. Everybody knows statuesque ESPN sideliner Erin Andrews attended U of F and was a member of their dance team, but finding an actual picture of her as a Dazzler has always been a big of a longshot. Well lucky for us, Parsons got his mojo working and finally uploaded a picture, and wow, there it is, sitting on Plixi. I’ll even forgive him for not having a scanner because he’s in college.

Of course, she looks great, and I wonder how long she had to stand in front of a mirror with a brush to make her hair flip over like that. A few commenters have asked about the flatness of her nose in the old picture, and a photo comparison shows the possibility of a little work done around that area. That’s probably all she’s had done, because I can’t imagine Erin Andrews doing more than a little work.

Maybe if Parsons hadn’t taken a picture of the Dazzlers through a peephole we’d be able to see them more clearly.

[via Parsons, via Plixi]

Urban Meyer’s foxy volleyball daughter Nicki has lashed out at her own smart phone over talk that her famous father is headed to Columbus take over as head football coach at Ohio State. Nicki, who is pretty famous for platonically hugging Tim Tebow all the time, posted the following message on her Twitter.

That’s what I’m tlking abt. Rumors and conspiracy theories have been running rampant all month, and college football commentator and flatulence-free food advocate Beano Cook exasperated the speculation with a prediction of the move during an interview on ESPN radio on Thursday. Neon Deion Sanders, who is in that header picture for some reason, could not be reached for comment.

For more information about Nicki Meyer, you can check out her Twitter, her Georgia Tech volleyball bio, or you can just turn around and talk to Chris Hansen, who is standing like four feet behind you.

Tim Tebow has played for two head coaches since 2006. They’re currently both out of work, albeit for sharply different reasons. Tebow’s pro coach, Josh McDaniels, was unceremoniously ousted before he could even finish his second season with the Denver Broncos. The quarterback’s college coach, Urban Meyer, just announced today that he was retiring for reasons unrelated to his health scare from a year ago. Lemme guess…spending time with his family?

“I have been a Division I football coach for the last 25 years and, during that time, my primary focus has been making a difference in the lives of the young men I have been so fortunate to have coached and building championship programs,” Meyer said in a statement. “At this time in my life, however, I fully grasp the sacrifices my 24/7 profession has demanded of me, and I know it is time to put my focus on my family and life away from the field.

–FanHouse.

Meanwhile, McDaniels was ousted by Broncos owner Pat Bowlen on Monday afternoon, partly because of his acquisition of Tebow–considered undraftable by many teams–with the 25th overall pick in the 2010 draft last April. And now Tebow might be on his way out of Denver as well, because obviously he causes nothing but heartache and strife everywhere he goes. Dang you, Tebow. Dang you to heck.