Last Friday, dog owners and people in Tommy Bahama shirts from across Central Florida and eastern coastal towns gathered in scenic Cocoa Beach for the inaugural East Coast Dog Surfing Championship. Amazingly, this is believed to be the first competition of its kind in the Sunshine State, which makes sense because surfing dogs are awesome and other states have been doing it for years. But then, it just goes along with the state’s motto: “Florida – we’re nothing if not 10 years behind.”

Better late than never, though, is what I say, and I commend these daredevil doggies for riding the waves for a good cause.

The two day event kicked off with the qualifying rounds and several canine contestants took to the waves for a doggone good time at the Cocoa Beach Pier.

Proceeds from the dog surfing event go to the Central Brevard Humane Society, which had shelter dogs there available for adoption.

… “Booker D. Surfdog’ will compete against “Pippin Yachtdog,” “Onyx Shorepound,” “Queen Abby,” “Moses Rock of Ages,” and “Koa and Boaz.” (Via 13 News)

Is there a contest for the Greatest Surfing Dog Name? How about Greatest Dog Name Ever? Because I’m pretty sure Onyx Shorepound is the coolest dog name I’ve ever heard.

However, I do have one complaint. I get a lot of mail each day and I read every piece, junk or not. But I do not recall receiving my invitation to attend and possibly judge this surfing dog competition. If the people at the Central Brevard Humane Society are reading this – and I know they are – I fully expect to receive such an invite for next year’s East Coast Dog Surfing Championship. I’ll even bring a camera so the only pictures in existence are these crappy screen grabs that I took from a crappy :45 video.

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This week’s one-man celebration of the greatest Spring Break moments takes us, fittingly, to Ft. Myers Beach, where people have been partying all this week in honor of the Florida Gulf Coast University Eagles. But this delightful moment takes us back to 2010, before FGCU was on the national radar and Ft. Myers Beach was just a place where angry white kids went to vent their frustrations.

Studying for med school was taking its toll on Tyler Roosevelt, so much that his roommate and best friend, Chipper Longbottom, was dying for Spring Break to arrive so they could leave Princeton for a few days and get a little R&R in down in the sun and sand of the quiet hamlet known as Ft. Myers Beach. Chipper, that nefarious prankster, hadn’t filled Tyler in on his Spring Break roadtrip plan as of yet, but soon enough they’d be doing what the state college kids referred to as “partaying”.

When Tyler returned from class that day, Chipper had left a present for him on his bed. “Whatever could this be,” Tyler thought to himself, examining the small-but-long package with the glittery bow. Carefully removing the wrapping paper, Tyler discovered that it was a bottle of spray suntan lotion. “Chipper, you scamp,” Tyler shouted across their dormitory residence, “what have you gotten us into?” Chipper just smiled, dangling the keys to his BMW X5 from his pointer finger, before finally shouting, “ROAD TRIP!”

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As I wrote yesterday, I’m a one-man Spring Break party this week, celebrating some of my favorite moments of debauchery and youthful indiscretions all this week. Today, we’re taking a trip all the way back to 2004, for a dance competition that gets a little out of control for one young couple.

Dayna had saved up almost three months of her part-time pay from the Piercing Pagoda to make sure that this was the craziest Spring Break of her life. The single mother of a 3-year old son, Dayna has never been able to enjoy a Spring Break, well, unless you count the weekend adventure in Cocoa Beach that led to little Sisqo’s conception. Fortunately, Dayna’s mom agreed to take her grandson in for a few days, since her boyfriend and Ratt cover band frontman, Trent, got locked up for selling Percocets to Deltona high schoolers again.

Dayna and her best friend Bev loaded up her ’89 Dodge Caravan and hit the road for Daytona Beach, where a room at the Desert Inn was screaming their names. They didn’t have a lot time to waste, so it was straight to Razzle’s for the world famous Thursday Night Throwdown dance competition that let lucky couples shake their groove thangs for a shot at $300, matching Corona thongs and a week’s worth of Billy Boy condoms.

There was just one problem – Dayna didn’t have a dance partner! Whatever would she do?

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When the above photo was posted by the Clearly Dope this morning, I opened a quick Google search to try to find some sort of background information on this unique hairstyle. Like, who is this guy? Does he always have a basketball hoop attached to his head? When he sits on his couch and watches TV, do his friends come over and play basketball on his head? When he goes out, does he get angry when random people ball up napkins and throw them at his head? Can he raise his hair even higher so he has an MTV Rock N’ Jock 10-point hoop on his hair? Does he have a baby and if so does he let that baby hang from the rim? If he’s going somewhere nice, does he change the net to a chain?

Those would be just some of the questions that I’d probably ask. But then I decided that I don’t want to know why this picture exists. I’m just glad it does.

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If you’d stumbled upon an off-key parody song about Dwight Howard throwing the Orlando Magic under the bus set to Cee Lo Green’s 2010 hit ‘F**k Forget You,’ you’d probably say “wow, this is dumb,” followed by “this must be pretty old” and “some weird Internet guy made this.” But no, here is a Dwight Howard ‘Forget You’ parody song made with South Park technology released YESTERDAY by THE ORLANDO NEWSPAPER.

No, for real.

Dwight Howard’s ex-Orlando Magic teammates channel Cee-Lo Green to deliver a message for their departed Superman and the hated Los Angeles Lakers. Produced by Rich Pope, Sean Pitts and Todd Stewart. (via Orlando Sentinel)

I don’t even know what to say. As a sports blogger, my brain is set to “make fun of people who still make Harlem Shake videos” right now, and if I see a ‘Gangnam Style’ or ‘Call Me Maybe’ parody I get to deride whoever made it for being sloth dinosaurs. How do I even BEGIN to handle the Orlando Sentinel aping a hit so old that ‘Glee’ covered it TWO YEARS AGO?

Holy shit, Orlando Sentinel, get your shit together.

[h/t to Sportress]

Fallon Fox is a 2-0 female Featherweight mixed martial artist, her most recent fight ending in just 39 seconds due to knockout. Her next bout is scheduled for April 20th, but her fight license application is currently under review from Florida’s state athletic commission partly stemming from her not being officially licensed in California, as Fallon originally thought. Through all this, it has been revealed that Fallon Fox is transgender (Believed to be the first, male or female, in MMA), having undergone gender reassignment surgery and hormone replacement therapy in 2006, at age 30.

Because MMA fans are The Worst, there’s a fair amount of hate being directed at Fallon, whether it is from “journalists” saying “All I will say is you may be able to change the cover of the book, but the story inside the book never changes,” or the typical meathead fan talking about dudes with mutilated dicks (That are gay, because of course) beating up women.

Personally, I think if Fallon’s hormones test within the ranges and ratios established for females, there shouldn’t be a problem. Especially since a guy like Vitor Belfort, who tested positive for steroids in 2006, and then got sort of clean, but now has lowered natural testosterone, can get a therapeutic use exemption for testosterone replacement therapy (Though Keith Kizer wants to put the kibosh on that, but that’s a whole other kettle of Megillahs), then a woman who’s been getting female hormones since the same time should be able to fight other ladies. Though I say that with no idea of how science works. Luckily, I don’t have to know about science, because the IOC would allow Fallon to compete as a woman according to their guidelines, and we all know the IOC’s rules are byzantine and insanely strict.

Besides, I’m sure Ediane Gomes would have no problem fighting her, considering she’s crazy enough to fight dudes in Vale Tudo matches and win (Which isn’t to say I think Fallon is a man, I mostly just wanted to point out that Ediane is cool, and I hope she beats Cris Cyborg at Invicta 5).

Actual, intelligent, non-inflammatory information can be found here.