Last month, the incomparable Will Leitch wrote probably the most poignant piece to date on how American sports fans and TV audience can best combat ESPN’s resident troll, Skip Bayless. Essentially, the point was “Just don’t watch, don’t feed the troll” and he was right to an extent. The problem is that the average sports fan – the kind that takes sports way too seriously and can’t handle someone criticizing his team – is the little fish taking the bait every time. That’s why First Take has solid ratings, and that’s why ESPN has shamefully embraced the debate format over actual news.

The other problem is that even the big fish can’t ignore Bayless’ shiny lure, as we’ve already seen Chad Johnson “debate” Bayless and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban “own” him. It’s just too bad that even when Bayless is being “owned”, he wins because people tuned in. Ultimately, we can only stop Bayless by completely ignoring him, and that’s not going to happen anytime soon, thanks to Kevin Durant being his latest mark.

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During last night’s Game 4 of the NBA Finals I noticed a Tweet from someone about Skip Bayless making fun of Chris Bosh, and without thinking I clicked over to Bayless’ Twitter profile. “Damn it, moron,” was all I could say to myself, because, once again, there is the definition of the attraction to ESPN’s inexplicably popular shouting blowhard “analyst”. The philosophy is simple: Say something outrageous, people will react.

Then I saw a Tweet even more outrageous and obnoxious than I could have ever expected…

Bayless was told this because he doesn’t follow anyone on Twitter. Not his best friend Stephen A. Smith, not his colleagues at ESPN, and not even Tim Tebow or LeBron James. Twitter is a one-man realm of theories and hyperbole, friends. You’re just lucky to be following Bayless.

That Tweet, though, came after an unprovoked jab by Cuban that his two-year old son is a better analyst than Bayless, which is laughable because Bayless was a huge basketball star in his day. Right?

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On the surface, Skip Bayless seems to have a very easy job – take a stance on a topic and shout louder than the person who is arguing the opposing view. But there’s more to his madness than simply, “I’m right, you’re wrong, Tebow rules.” Bayless has shown time and again that he’s willing to tell everyone that he works his ass off to research and scout each day’s First Take topics, so that when he shouts louder than Stephen A. Smith to prove that he’s right – even though a person is always right if they manipulate enough facts and context to warp logic – he can raise his head high and not hate the person that he actually is.

But I’m not here to shred the man’s integrity or talk about how ESPN’s new debate-first ideology has destroyed the foundation of television sports journalism for the sake of ratings that would exist even if they replaced First Take with Dogs Eating Poop. Nah, ladies. I’m here to point out that even if you don’t like Bayless’ “I’m right, you suck” style of “journalism”, you can’t argue that he was and still is a stone cole poon hound.

Just check out this proof positive of yesteryear from his Facebook page…

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Ah yes, the perfect storm for a sports blogger: an incredibly attractive female athlete paired with an ESPN personality made to look like a moron.

For some reason or another, Jay Crawford of ESPN’s First Take agreed to step in the batter’s box and face all-world softball player Jennie Finch. Of course, hilarity ensued.

He fouled off an early swing, whiffed on a bunt attempt and managed one infield grounder. Crawford claimed he would have beaten it out with his Usain Bolt speed. Finch scoffed at the suggestion — not sure if it was in regard to the Bolt speed or beating it out.

Crawford, who went to Bowling Green, supposedly pitched some minor league ball with an independent club in 2005. And he did take mighty cuts at the plate. In slow-pitch softball terms, it looks as if he could launch a bomb or two. In fast-pitch terms, there’s a huge hole in his swing. Or Jennie Finch is really good. via.

Hole in his swing? Huh. That hole will go well with the hole between his legs. By “hole between his legs,” I mean he has female genitalia. Get it?

Delightfully emasculating video follows. Read the rest of this entry »