As I was checking my emails this morning, a friend had sent me a video to some other site’s “hilarious parody” of Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop” and I didn’t watch because I’ve already watched at least 20 other parodies of that song and they’re all awful. Someone else sent me a copy of an email from a local business that is organizing a Harlem Shake video for this weekend, despite the fact that the meme is deader than planking on top of Gangnam Style’s grave.

But people have never let a thing like irrelevance stand in the way of trying to breathe another gasp of air into the exhausted lungs of something that people momentarily found amusing. For example, as Brandon pointed out to me, Glee performed the Harlem Shake three times… THIS WEEK. So I’m hoping that the performance turned in by the foursome above is enough of a sign from the gods that when a meme is dead, it’s dead.

And I’m only bringing this up, because there are still sports teams doing Gangnam Style, and I’m sure some hipsters are still owling ironically. Enough with the Harlem Shake, everyone. Or God will set you on fire.

When I was in high school, our basketball games and assemblies began with our principal delivering a dry speech about school spirit and sportsmanship, followed by our sub-par cheerleaders making vague “woo” gestures while a bunch of gangly jerks tried to dribble from the entrance to center-court without losing it or hurting themselves. In Florida, high school basketball games begin with TRAMPOLINE DUNKS OVER FIRE. Because Florida.

This clip (by way of Prep Rally, by way of MaxPreps) features Monsignor Edward Pace High School kicking off a consequence-free regular-season game by asking somebody to propel themselves through a pillar of flame. It’s the exact kind of thing that inspires and leads a team to … a 9-20 record?

Who knows? Maybe they spent their athletic budget on a trampoline and a flame thrower. Maybe their coach is just a crazy dude with a book of matches. That seems like the escalation of a joke, but nope, it’s Florida. If the team ran out after this engulfed in flame like in that one ‘Wax’ video I wouldn’t be surprised.

"You do not want to rush this floor, Duke fans."

Obviously, when it comes to rivalries, a team’s record doesn’t really matter. If two teams hate each other enough, they’re both usually possessed with supernatural-type powers that allow even the weakest of opponents to play above and beyond their limitations. So when it came to last night’s matchup between the unranked UNC Tar Heels and the No. 2 Duke Blue Devils, we should have obviously expected that it would be a close one. After all, if UNC fans had the balls to steel one of the Duke mascot’s heads and set it on a pike*, then they obviously expected their team to show up.

And the Heels mostly showed up, losing 73-68 on the back of piss-poor free throw shooting in the second half, but that was all good enough to Duke fans, who wanted desperately to rush the court after their team rallied to win. That’s what a rivalry does – it makes the fans of the second best team in the country think that they should rush the court after barely beating an unranked team.

Fortunately, Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski lifted his powerful hands and used the force of darkness to put all Duke fans back in their seats. So instead of rushing the court, they went outside and burned a bunch of stuff**. At least they were nicer this time. Hooray college basketball!

UPDATE: !!!Hilarious college newspaper headline alert!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

The headline “soccer fans throw firecracker at soccer player” would seem pretty normal at this point. Somebody is upset about something, they throw fire. I watch pro wrestling, I know how it goes. This clip remains unusual based on the fact that Dinamo Bucharest’s own fans tossed fire at one of their players, and that he completely ignored it and nobody stopped playing. Baseball stops if someone feels a light drizzle. Soccer continues DESPITE FIRE. I’m starting to see why people like this game so much.

I had an experience like this during my first ever live soccer game this weekend. I drove up from Austin to see FC Dallas take on Real Salt Lake. That’s “ree-al” Salt Lake, not “real” like the word “real.” Anyway, thunder and crazy lightning and loads of rain happened, and the announcer gets on the PA system and tells us the game has been called due to extreme weather, and that we should flee the stadium immediately and take cover in our cars. The guys on the field just kept playing, and played for about eight minutes in this until somebody made them stop, possibly because we were all still sort of standing around about to die from lightning.

So, yeah, soccer. Who knew?

[H/T Dirty Tackle]

These things are called “V8 Supercars,” and they’re sort of like the Australian version of NASCAR, only they aren’t piloted by Larry the Driving Guy and can turn both left and right. What you see here, specifically, is an exploding V8 Supercar and an Australian guy trying to escape a bunch of fire without dying. I guess “resistance to fire” isn’t one of your Supercar’s super powers. The last time I saw a car explode like that it had my beautiful teenage Italian bride inside.

The driver in question is Karl Reindler, Australian superdriver, and he managed to escape the explosion with only minor burns. If that’d been an American guy driving he would’ve hurt himself before the car blew up.

[Viva SBN by way of Jay Busbee]

Shady Canyon Golf Club in Irvine, California recently reopened after a four-month hiatus, proudly boasting upgraded fairways for golfers throughout the Golden State to enjoy. Top notch facilities they offered at this prestigious public course, and if these last two sentences had you packing your Callaway knockoffs for a weekend excursion, well don’t bother. Only hours after the course reopened, an unnamed golfer was hitting a shot out of some brush, when his iron struck a stone, sparked and started a huge fire. Somewhere the lead singer of Prodigy put down his mop and smirked, “Nice.”

Initially, people accused the golfer of having started the blaze with an errant cigarette, but it was later concluded that nobody in his group smokes, and that it was indeed possible for a steel or titanium gold club head to create a spark when hit against a rock. More than 150 firefighters used 38 trucks and 53 helicopters to displace 22,000 gallons of water from a lake on the second hole to put the fire out. When the firefighters finished they threw their hose nozzles into the emptied lake and 6 drunken golfers jumped in to retrieve them.

Quiet please, there is some scientific evidence to present, Golf Digest:

Read the rest of this entry »