When my paisano Vincenzo emailed me this video we wondered if I could turn it into something sports-related. Eventually I just said, “F*ck it” because I’m a rebel and I don’t play by the man’s rules. But if you really want to be a jerk about it, I’ll point out that schoolyard fights are one of this country’s most time-honored competitive traditions. And while nerdy celebrities continue to bring attention to bullying in our public schools, I think it’s high time that we told the bullies to meet us at the bike rack for a little ass kicking.

Take this kid, for instance, who found some Twitter fame yesterday under the nickname “Zangief’s Son” and “Kid Zangief”, an obvious nod to Street Fighter. It appears that Big Z here was the target of a tiny Napoleon’s wrath, and while pipsqueak got one good shot in, Z’s reaction is just downright priceless. According to Deadspin, his actual name is Casey and he’s been a constant target of bullying. Sadly, he ended up getting suspended for defending himself.

Casey’s big moment after the jump, as well as a special remix…

UPDATE: I fixed the video. Sorry, I’ve been out apologizing to all the fat kids I used to pick on.

UPDATE No. 2: Both kids were suspended for four days, according to MSNBC, but Casey’s family believes that he’s in for even worse treatment when he returns to school.

Read the rest of this entry »

The college football bowl season has become so long and drawn out that some teams can’t even wait for the results of their own games before they proclaim themselves winners. For instance, the Georgia Bulldogs honored their seniors with plaques featuring inscriptions of the team’s 2010 record of 7-6. Only one little problem with that, though… Georgia finished the season 6-7 after the Dawgs lost to Conference USA powerhouse* UCF in the Autozone Liberty Bowl on Friday. Hopefully the seniors hang their plaques in front of mirrors.

Take it away, “cutting edge” Florida Today columnist, Pete Kerasotis…

Read the rest of this entry »

So a Chinese basketball player and a Brazilian basketball player walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, “What’ll ya have?” The Chinese guy says, “I’d like a beer, but please make it a Chinese beer.” So the bartender pours him a beer, and it is in fact a Chinese beer. Then the Brazilian says, “I’m thirsty, too. Could I get something Brazilian, then?” And then the bartender dumps a bunch of hot wax on his balls.

Okay, so the joke wasn’t very good, but this video of China and Brazil fighting on a basketball court is pretty awesome. Hi ya! Come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you the one about the whorehouse and the Chilean miners. Read the rest of this entry »

College football is underway, as are college football fights. Fights in the stands, much like the games these days, are best viewed from the opposite end of a camera-generated picture. I mean, sure, watching dude get tossed down 20 rows of seats live and in person is pretty sweet, but that’s not a draw by itself. Plus, this totally would have happened the second that you went to go pee. But really, I expected more from Dah U; all I can see is just a guy with his shirt off who runs in and kicks a white kid in the back. That’s dirty pool, sir. Read the rest of this entry »

As someone who has often volunteered with youth sports leagues, I’m a huge proponent of teaching sportsmanship at an early age. But sometimes when I’m hitting on hot moms, I fail to keep my eye on the action and the kids can get a bit heated. I would never necessarily endorse violence in youth sports (unless my congressman finally passes my bill to legalize Extreme Newborn Cagefighting) but in some cases you just have to respect style.

Take, for instance, these little Marty McSorleys. Despite obviously being on the same team, they’ve had enough of each others’ antics. Mazza clearly means business as he eyes his prey, and when he’s done with the scare tactics, it’s time for the gloves to come off. “Prepare to eat your teeth,” I imagine he yells before raising his tiny ham fist to crash down on his teammate’s cranium. But then mom has to ruin the fun for everyone. Aw, mom!

Read the rest of this entry »

You’d think that the clowns running the National League Of That Sport With The Nets On The Sticks would have bought some nicer video equipment. I’m pretty sure that’s not what the league is called, but whatever. Here’s a fight between the Philadelphia Wings and…somebody. Do you really care? Is it worth 30 seconds of my time to bring you this information? Nope.

What’s nice is that this all took place indoors, shielded from the harsh winter elements. There’s nothing worse than having to throw down with someone when all you want to do is cuddle up by the fire with some hot cocoa. My grandmother used to tell us stories as we listened to the wood crackle and watch the flames dance. Of course, the joy of those memories have faded a bit since she died in that house fire. Read the rest of this entry »