I’ve seen Field of Dreams close to 100 times, probably, and every time I still imagine that scene ending with a loud fart. I think that just pulls the curtain back a little more on what kind of person I am. Except it’s not a curtain as much as it’s a couple bath towels thrown over some fishing line that we tied from hooks at both ends of the room.

“Bros, I put a pink tie on the doorknob,” I’d shout as Boner and Tank returned from Nickel Jello Shots at McNasty’s Wet T-Shirt Night. But they wouldn’t listen. They’d never listen. Anyway, Field of Reams is still one of my favorite porn parody names of all-time.

Welcome back, baseball.

Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t get to share “supercuts” very often. If somebody compiles all the times somebody said “I gotta go to the bathroom” in movie history or puts together an 8-minute montage of all the times Fonzie tried to comb his hair and decided it was already perfect on ‘Happy Days,’ those videos go to FilmDrunk or Warming Glow. But today is different, friends, because somebody decided to make everybody from every baseball movie sing ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame.’ So, sports!

Highlights include James Earl Jones in Field Of Dreams (which is a highlight no matter the context), any and all use of the Major League film franchise, and the soothing sounds of opera star Enrico Palazzo.

I was gonna say “do more sports super cuts,” but I guess those are just highlight reels.

[h/t to Evan Kaufman]

You will read this line in every Adam Greenberg story, including this one.

This is a great story for anyone who believes in second chances!

In the film Field Of Dreams, as in real life, Archibald “Moonlight” Graham who appeared as a right fielder in a single major league game for the New York Giants, but never got an at-bat. Through some combination of Kevin Costner, James Earl Jones and time-traveling magics, a young Archie gets a second chance to play against some of the best players of his day. After some sage advice from Shoeless Joe Jackson, Graham hits a sac fly to right, scoring a run and jogging back to his bench to a chorus of “AWRIGHT, KID,” or whatever dead people from the 20s would say.

Adam Greenberg got an at-bat, but it wasn’t something he’d like to remember. The then-Chicago Cub was blasted in the head with a 92-mph fastball during the first pitch of his MLB career. Through some combination of gusty determination, six years in the Independent Leagues and a generous opportunity from the Miami Marlins, Greenberg was given a one-day contract to appear in Miami’s game against the New York Mets on Tuesday. The video is below. Cue the Field of Dreams music.

Read the rest of this entry »

Mike McWain of Pasco, Washington, has what the Tri-City Herald refers to as “a field of dreams tattooed across his back, shoulders and arms”, and whether or not you think it’s a little light on the Moonlight Graham and a little heavy on the “God literally holding dead baseball players”, you’ll be happy to know he spent 11 years and $10,000 on the project.

“There were a lot of reasons I waited so long to finish this,” he said. “At the time I got the first tattoo done, my son was born. I had a family to support and that had to come first, plus I wasn’t making a lot of money back then to justify the expense.”

He also wanted the portraits to look like the real players, so the tattoo artist needed to be accomplished enough to meet McWain’s expectations.

Two years ago, he met Tri-City tattoo artist Jesse Walsh at the Three Rivers Tattoo Convention. Walsh, who owns Asylum Tattoo in Pasco, found the project challenging as well as stimulating.

I like the wording of “I had a family to support and that had to come first”, and now it’s 11 years later and I guess his kids are 11 and he doesn’t have to support them anymore so it’s time to sink whatever constituted a college fund into making Ty Cobb’s face look as accurate as possible on his back.

Of course, Mike is an amateur when compared to the living, organic canvas that is Chicago Bears Tattoo Guy Glenn Timmerman. I don’t see Glenn wasting valuable forearm space with images of his kids.

Be sure to head over to Tri-City Herald dot com and watch the video interview with Mike, which features him hilariously stating that in his opinion, Babe Ruth was one of the greatest baseball players of all time.

If LeBron James hadn’t spent so long in Cleveland, I think this lady would be the worst person to ever rep Ohio.

Sports

@Storytime with Darnell Dockett Part 2: The Casey Anthony Trial - Be sure to check out Dockett’s second live blog of important legal events, this one featuring a cameo from Kim Kardashian, a discussion about how much Casey Anthony is gonna be murdered and a small boy in extremely tight pajamas. [With Leather]

First Look: Nike Air Max LeBron 8 V2 Low “South Beach” - That thing about LeBron under the header was a joke, so please don’t try to hunt me down and kill me in real life. Although honestly LeBron and Casey aren’t that different. They both took way too long to reach a decision. [Smoking Section]

The Best and Worst of Raw 7/4 - If you didn’t read the column this week I dissected the emotional range of Vince McMahon, explained Kelly Kelly’s offense in terms of stiff independent workers and compared Evan Bourne to a Squirtle. Even if you don’t like wrestling you’d probably enjoy this thing. [With Leather]

Funny or Die’s Field of Dreams 2: A Breakdown - We put up a post about it yesterday, too, but KSK goes second-by-second through the trailer and points out every time Ray Lewis hilariously tackles someone (spoiler: a lot). [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Not Sports

The Top 10 Floppiest Flops of 2011 - My definition of a flop and the Internet’s are two different things. These days if you don’t make a billion dollars people call you a flop. Like “LOL booster gold the movie cost 80 million to make and only made 120 at the box office what a florp”. Natalie Portman (star of Your Higness, which is on this list) is our Lovely Lady of the Bottom Half today for committing the film equivalent of Casey Anthony, going from Black Swan to Ashton Kutcher Presents F**kpalz. [Film Drunk]

Patton Oswalt’s Rejected Pitches To DC Comics - Wow, that previous link got really long. Here’s a comedian pitching crummy ideas to a comic book company. [Gamma Squad]

The Best And Worst Of #AskObama - I got looped into this, and ended up doing an #AskObama about how I’d want to marry Flo from the Progressive commercials. I have not yet figured out what this has to do with Our President. [Uproxx]

Picture Me Rollin: 50 Rap Songs About Cars - Rap songs are like John Fogerty songs, there’s always one part you can barely understand. It’ll be going along fine, and then Mystikal (or whoever) will be all, “droppin funny in my runny smoke swift wit da snag fo”. I just assume that part is about cars. [Smoking Section]

Funny or Die has a knack for cramming as many celebrities as possible into three minute video, and today they’ve outdone themselves — watch in amazement has Ray Liotta, Kevin Costner, Dennis Haysbert, the Were-llama from Twilight and half of professional football bring you a Lockout-flavored sequel to the greatest baseball movie of all time, Field of Dreams. I’m guessing Haysbert is here because when the Funny or Die guys showed up at James Earl Jones’ apartment he attacked them with an insecticide sprayer and told them to go back to the sixties.

Watch the video below, but I have to warn you: the football players are all better actors than Taylor Lautner.

It’s weird, I know this is supposed to be a joke, but it still looks like a better movie than that remake of Footloose.

I love Kevin Costner at the end. He gives as little a sh** as possible, and he’s a good sport, but his voice and the look on his face say “I can’t believe you guys are making fun of this”. Lautner just stands there smirking, thinking about how awesome of a Crash Davis Robert Pattinson would be.