This heavyset gentleman who looks like he was filmed with a toaster is Andrew Cassidy, aka “Fat Guy Has Amazing Football Skills.” Think of him like Will Keith, the destroying food with ninja weapons guy, only instead of weapons he uses his feet, and instead of destroying food, he destroys minds. Or, uh, expectations. Or minds.
Here was his first appearance, in a Flip video shot with hilarious Attack The Block-style dialogue, wherein local street youths can’t believe what they’re seeing. EW DA FOCK IS E??
The MLB Fan Cave 2013 contest has been narrowed down to 50 finalists. Watch and vote for your favorite contestant videos below. From now until February 13, you can vote for as many of your favorite videos as you want and spread the word by sharing on social media. Thirty contestants will be invited to Spring Training to audition to be the 2013 Fan Cave Dwellers.
I don’t want to tell you who to vote for, but there’s really only one choice: Pete Gourlie, a Milwaukee Brewers fan who has a dog (pictured), wears a Brewers jersey under his mattress shop workshirt and wistfully remembers the 1990s as the time when he got into concessions and tailgating and all his clothes stopped fitting. It’s absolutely adorable, especially when he puts on his tiny Brewers helmet and brags via infographic about how it comes equipped with a radio.
From the earliest planning stages of the 2012 Summer Olympics, one of the (surprisingly and needlessly) biggest stories was about the involvement of McDonald’s with the fast food chain’s creation of its largest store yet, right in the heart of London’s Olympic Village. It turns out that McDonald’s – like most major sponsors of the 2012 games – had a relative stranglehold on the food market, as only Grimace and Co. were allowed to sell French fries.
What happens, then, when you pit a global celebration of the greatest young athletes from every country against the financial dominance of high calories and pink meat paste? According to a vague, poorly-written article, obesity will always find a way to triumph over exercise.
Ans as the BBC drew in record viewers for the Games, the capital shunned exercise regimes and instead indulged in the fun of the Olympics with extra snacks and alcohol in front of the T.V. leading to a whopping 18.9m stone weight gain across the UK.
And Londeners were the biggest snacking offenders with an average weight gain of 5.2 lbs. (Via The Daily Mail)
Great, people are blaming their weight gain on their own decision to sit on the couch and eat as if someone held a gun to their heads and forced them to watch the events, instead of getting up and walking around. I’m so sick and tired of this kind of lazy blame-shifting. If only we had someone with the right attitude to inspire us.
Perhaps there’s a certain 12-year old from America’s London who wants to once again help us find our greatness.
The latest Swoosh campaign is called “Find Your Greatness” and the commercial that has everyone buzzing features a 12-year old boy named Nathan, who lives in London, Ohio. Nathan is an overweight American kid, but Nike wants you to know – thanks to a beautiful narrative by Tom Hardy – that he’s seeking his own greatness. Basically, he’s strapped on his Nikes and is hitting the road to shed those pounds and be better than everyone else.
People mostly LOVE this commercial. As a once fat 12-year old, I think it’s awesome, too. Granted, most Nike ads make me laugh because they come across like that scene in What Women Want, but if they inspire people, then bless ‘em. Unfortunately, they inspired people to do a little more than just go out and run. Some of YouTube’s finest commenters have been giving their fingers one hell of a workout, too.
I have a confession, and you may want to take a seat, because this is going to blow your minds. Websites like to post blogs about Kate Upton, because they’re great for traffic. I know, right? Who would have thought that attractive super models with large breasts would draw significant readers? Simply mind-boggling.
What about the opposite, though? Imagine someone writing something incredibly mean about Upton. Perhaps that she’s a disgusting, fat cow, who is committing cannibalism by eating hamburgers in Carls Jr. commercials. That would draw a lot of traffic, too, right? You bet. Just ask “Skinny Gurl” at Skinny Gossip, a site that promotes the idea that only skinny is beautiful, as runway models should be drinking straws with nipples.
The best part is that a guy who can create exploding chemistry bombs is getting bossed around by his wife. “That’s it, you’re DONE!” I’d be like, “f**k you, eat a face of death bubbles” and just spread gun that sh*t at her. Via Buzzfeed.
Pot, Meet Kettle: Shaq Calls Dwight Howard Leaving Orlando A “Travesty” - Now he’s got to start insulting peoples’ terrible rap albums and genie movies. [Smoking Section]
20 Most Cromulent ‘Simpsons’ GIFs - I was hoping the Grandpa Simpson “walks in, sees Bart, turns right around and leaves” gif from the Maison Derrière would make the cut. [Warming Glow]
Submit your questions for our first “Ask a Porn Dude,” with Seymour Butts - Two-parter: “Can you get me Shane from Shane’s World’s phone number, and if so, how much would she like to sleep with someone who is extremely nostalgic about her?” [Film Drunk]
The 10 Definitive Nicolas Cage GIFs - It must be weird when 10% of you is a genius, and 90% of you is just AHHH THE BEES NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES AHGGGHHHH [UPROXX]
International Trailer For The Amazing Spider-Man Shows New Action - Spider-Man battles The Shocker, can’t see him because he’s looking through yellow eyes, gets shocked, dies. [Gamma Squad]
In Case You Were Wondering, Chris Brown Is Still The Absolute Worst - If I could put one fandom on The Magic School Bus and tell Ms. Frizzle to pilot that sh*t into the sun, it would be Team Breezy. [UPROXX]
Shirtless Jeff Goldblum Pretty Much Demanded Jurassic Parks And Rec To Happen - That “I thought it was terrible wine” line still makes me laugh. Everything needs to get mashed up with Jurassic Park. [UPROXX]
Bill O’Reilly To Kate Upton: “Get Off My Lawn!” - Re-linked here to help meet our Kate Upton quota for the day. The best part is that O’Reilly thinks the dancing is what we like about her video. [With Leather]
Ten More GIFs Of Jeremy Lin, The Most Undeniably Exciting Thing In Sports Right Now - The most exciting thing about sports is that pitchers and catchers report this month, but I’ll give it to them, Lin is #2. #3 is slam dunks! [Buzzfeed]
Man Suffers Heart Attack While Eating at Heart Attack Grill - Hold on, I need to put in my monocle before I write about this story. [Popcrush]
11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Caine’s Career - “Come on, it wasn’t that funny of a movie” has to be this generation’s most damning insult. Also, Cars 2 blew so hard. [Pajiba]
Eight Giant Movie Plot Holes in Eight Images - Some of these are good (the Toy Story one in particular made me go, “ha, oh man, you’re right”) and some aren’t (Star Trek, Jurassic Park). Regardless, it’s something I’d like to see more of. [Unreality]
Nas Tells His Craziest Party Story Ever - “One time when I was chillin’, I grabbed the buddha, got my crew to buy beers, and I watched a flick … of course, I was both illin’ and rooting for the villian. Anyway … huh?” [Brobible]