The city of Indianapolis and their brand new stadium will be hosting the 2012 Super Bowl. Kill me now. 

Indy beat Houston and Phoenix in a vote of the league’s 32 owners after losing by just two votes to Dallas for the 2011 game. Despite its cold weather, Indianapolis had been expected to win because its competitors have hosted a Super Bowl since opening their stadiums.

And their competitors have something to offer as a city, like heat in February, and shit to do while you're there. But they didn't have Dennis Hopper, apparently. 

Actor Dennis Hopper, nominated for an Oscar for his role as an alchoholic basketball coach in "Hoosiers," is lending his star power to Indianapolis in its bid for the 2012 Super Bowl. Hopper appears in a video that is part of the city's 15-minute presentation before the NFL's 32 owners today in the Atlanta suburb of Buckhead. Owners will vote for a winner between presumed favorite Indianapolis and competitors Houston and the Phoenix areas.

Dennis Hopper could stick his head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it. God, I hate Indy. 

[IndyStar can suck my balls] 

Remember Papa John's's (so many possessives!) thing with the 23-cent pizza to apologize to LeBron and Cavalier fans?  Yeah, that went down yesterday. How'd it go?  Well, the good news is that there weren't quite reports of rioting.  The bad news is that, dude, it's just fucking 23-cent pizza.  Highlights from WKYC's day of breathless reporting:

12:15 p.m. WKYC.com's Kim Wendel reports that an estimate 1,700 people are in line at the Shaker Heights store. People are parking from as far away as 3 blocks because there is not parking at the restaurant.
1:55 p.m. Police have thrown three "line-jumpers" out from the location in Shaker Heights. People are starting to lose their patience, some walking away without pizza.
2:55 p.m. Channel 3's Eric Mansfield reports that Akron police have been called out to the East Market Street location for unruliness with people pushing and shoving each other.
3:20 p.m. The manager at the Euclid location tells Channel 3's Mike O'Mara that because of the overwhelming demand, it is likely the store will run out of pizzas by 8 p.m. Once the pizza is gone, the promotion ends at the store. There will be no rainchecks given to those remaining in line.
3:36 p.m. A caller from Cuyahoga Falls told Channel 3's Eric Mansfield that they are worried about all the traffic created by the promotion. The caller says "it's insane" out there. The traffic is backed up on State Road across the bridge.
3:45 p.m. WKYC.com's Kim Wendel on site in Shaker Heights just checked with that store's manager who says there are plenty of ingredients on hand that should get that store through to the 11 p.m. promotion deadline. However, the wait in that location is 3 hours. So you'd need to be in line by 8 p.m.
5:20 p.m. Crowds have not diminished. But the businesses in the same area of Papa John's are upset and have posted angry signs in their store windows. Their customers have been unable to get inside because of the enormous line extending from the Papa John's.
6:00 p.m. Police are putting up barricades in the parking lot in front of the Shaker Heights store
9:02 p.m. Papa Johns in Euclid will be serving until 10 p.m. Those that are left standing at 10 will not get a pizza but will receive a raincheck.

You've made our nation proud, Ohio.  May you be the deciding state in all national elections. 

I don't know who Will Jones is, how old he is, or where he lives.  But I do know that being grossly overweight and making exercise videos of yourself in whitey-tighties and a skin-tight "Stud Muffin" t-shirt is no way to go through life.  I hope this kid goes to public school.  That's the only place where he'll get teased enough to lose that weight.  I mean, sure, there's also a chance that teasing will make him go on a shooting spree before committing suicide.  But that's a risk I'm willing to take.

If you don't count the games in Japan and last night's Braves-Nats game, today is Opening Day for Major League Baseball.  Fittingly, there's an assload of baseball stories fluttering about.  Let's take a look.

• The Manatees — the Marlins' dance team comprised of overweight men — are ready for their home opener, which brings us this exchange between a disappointed choreographer and a member of the team:

"I see people leaving to get hot dogs!" she admonishes them. "You want to keep them in the stands! Do you want to lose out to a hot dog?"

"Can they bring me one?" asks Steve Bauer, a 280-pound food service vendor, drawing high fives from the other Manatees. [Because they're fat! Get it? - Ed.]

• Lego stadiums!  All of them considerably nicer than RFK.
• The least intimidating entrance songs.  And yet, no mention of Celine Dion.  Although she's terrifying in her own way, I suppose.
• Rob Neyer has a marathon chat at ESPN.  Perfect for lulling you into a nice after-lunch nap.
• After the jump, enjoy Tampa Bay bullpen coach Bobby Ramos humping his chair.  Think that's sexy?  Watch me fuck this couch.

Chef Paul Prudhomme — he's the fat bearded chef who isn't Dom DeLuise or Mario Batali — was cooking for a PGA tour event in his native Louisiana when he was randomly struck in the arm by a falling bullet.

Deputies believe Prudhomme was hit by a falling bullet, probably shot about 9:30 a.m. Tuesday from somewhere within a 1 ½-mile radius of the golf course, said Col. John Fortunato of the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office.

The celebrated chef didn't require medical attention. "He thought it was a bee sting," Fortunato said. "Within five minutes, he was back to doing his thing."

Witnesses say the bullet cut Prudhomme's skin [producing gravy - Ed.] and put a hole in his white chef's coat. However, Prudhomme continued cooking for the golfers, their caddies and guests at the annual PGA Tour event.

What a fucking hero. 

In a related story, a 19-year-old kid who isn't a motorized wheelchair-bound fatass was hit with a stray bullet (or maybe shrapnel from the constant mortar and rocket attacks) and shrugged off medical attention to help his fellow soldiers.  He was later teased for not getting a "real" Purple Heart, and the AP didn't write a story about him because he didn't introduce middle America to Cajun cooking 20 years ago.  Fuck that stupid unfamous kid.

Rising YouTube star/awkward teenage dweeb Sexman already has a devout following at FilmDrunk, and now he makes his With Leather debut, as he shares with us some excellent football analysis while he watches Super Bowl XLII.  Well, it's not so much "analysis" as it is him screaming "POWN THEM!" again and again and again.  Sure, it makes me want to break the kid's spine over my knee, but let's be fair: it still beats the hell out of Joe Theismann and Mike Patrick working the same booth. 

[Thanks to Sean; also on SbB]