To their credit, that’s mostly just “ugh, look at this asshole”. Via Mentality Magazine.

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Links

30 One-Hit Wonders Who Deserve Their Own TV Shows - 31. “Shave Tonight”. Eagle Eye Cherry gives you tips on how to prepare for that ever-important first date, because tomorrow you’ll be gone. [UPROXX]

Ranking the 10 Most Profoundly Stupid Characters Currently on Television - There should be a follow-up list of the most profoundly stupid characters EVER so Kim Bauer could rank. OH NO A COUGAR LET ME RUN TO THIS HERMIT RAPIST’S HOUSE AND CHANGE CLOTHES. [Warming Glow]

RIAA-Ruined Rap: The 20 Worst Platinum Hip-Hop Albums Of All Time - LOL at Chingy having a platinum album. And while I’m at it, there’s no way Vanilla Ice’s album is worse than Willennium. [Smoking Section]

Five Reasons the XBox 720 Should Embrace Used Games - The only way I’m buying an XBox 720 is if I can ride it through a skatepark. [Gamma Squad]

What to Expect When You’re Expecting is Dr. Pepper 10 for Chicks - And if you drink Dr. Pepper 10 while watching What To Expect When You’re Expecting it turns you into a hermaphrodite. [Film Drunk]

If The Posters For Oscar-Nominated Movies Were Honest - I flipped through this WAITING for the making-fun-of-Hugo poster that would make me rage and quit the UPROXX network. Thankfully it didn’t show up. [UPROXX]

Life Has Turned Out OK For Zahia Dehar - If you missed this yesterday, UNF. Also, sorta ew. [With Leather]

The 53 Most Ridiculous Outfits From Paris Fashion Week - Or, “every outfit from Paris Fashion Week”. The only thing worse than people who are into fashion is people who are into music reviews. [Buzzfeed]

17 Cats Sitting In Things - I feel like if you add up all the random numbers from these lists it’d unlock the hatch on ‘Lost’. 17? I’m sure you can find 3 more things a cat is sitting in. [HuffPost Comedy]

11 Signs That Pat Sajak Is Always Drunk - The guy’s job has been saying “heh, continue playing the easiest game show in history, everybody” for like 40 years. I’d be drunk all the time, too. [The FW]

Eating Only Chicken Nuggets for 15 Years Lands British Girl in the Hospital - The worst part is that she’s got a bunch of posed photos with McDonald’s stuff, and nobody ever stopped to tell her she was being a weird spoiled little regressive creep. [Brobible]

7 Great Movies That Take Place in Freezing Weather - I don’t know when Mystery, Alaska started being great and not just a 2 hour illustration of how the New York Rangers would almost lose to a bunch of random citizens. [Unreality]

There’s a pretty strong chance that you have no clue who Zahia Dehar is, unless you’re a huge fan of French soccer. But to fill you in and make all of you kids hip to the scene, Dehar is a 19-year old fashion designer who debuted her brand new lingerie line to rave reviews yesterday during Couture Fashion Week at the Palais Brongniart in Paris. Her achievement is remarkable in itself because of her age and the fact that she has only been modeling for the past year or so, but it’s most remarkable because of her first career as an underage prostitute.

So where does the French soccer correlation come in? In 2010, Dehar admitted to French officials that she had been paid for sex on multiple occasions by at least three prominent French soccer players. As the scandal became national news, it was revealed that the three players were Franck Ribéry, Karim Benzema and Sidney Govou. French officials swore that any players involved with Dehar and this huge prostitution ring would be ineligible to play for the French National Team. Fortunately, Ribéry wasn’t investigated until after the 2010 FIFA World Cup, so he was able to play. Only after the tournament was he indicted for soliciting an underage prostitute.

Ribéry’s career since the indictment has been riddled with injuries, as he never quite developed into his one-time status as France’s next big star. But Dehar is doing just fine, and since I feel like we don’t ever have enough fashion on this site, I thought we’d take a little look at what she’s been up to this week.

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As I’ve pointed out a few dozen times since July 1, whoever is running the public relations strategy for the NBA players union is doing a terrible job. But I’m also willing to bet that nobody is really in charge of the spin machine, as we’ve seen both the players and owners struggle to grasp reality during this entire lockout.

However, it’s worth pointing out that the players, despite coming off as greedy and arrogant at times (*cough, Dwyane Wade claiming he deserves $50 million per season, cough*), really do have their acts together for the most part. Sure, some of them are acting like they don’t give a crap about whether or not there is a season, but some of them are using their free time for the betterment of society and they’re not necessarily doing it so they can pose for the cameras.

Us basketball fans may be pissed, annoyed, frustrated, and flat out angry, but we’re also ignorant to the better efforts because a couple guys giving out Playstations to terminally ill kids doesn’t make a front page look as sexy as Wade telling off the league’s commish. Fortunately, I was doing some fall hard drive cleaning and came across a slew of images that proves that even the most robotic, soulless eventual billionaires like LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony have big hearts. They just don’t have good marketing teams.

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"Red... like that Heat jersey I won't wear for another year."

If you were a professional NBA player and you made the majority of your income from endorsements or the E! network, but the league that you play in – essentially the reason that you’re even famous – is currently in a strike with the majority of its players scraping together pennies from their last paychecks to make ends meet, would you A) meet with your teammates regularly and offer to help with little things like groceries and rent while the lockout continues, B) step to the forefront of the players union and take a strong stance for the benefit of your peers instead of cowtowing to the owners, or C) say f*ck ‘em all and attend Fashion Week in New York City.

You bet your sweet Burberry-scented ass that you’re going to Fashion Week. Just like the NBA’s biggest stars, who instead of being concerned with the possibility of no season, made sure they were up to par on the latest from the top designers like that one guy, and the lady with one name, and that other dude. Me and fashion go together like Eddy Curry and exercise.

Check out more of LeBron James and the athletes who are more concerned with fashion than job security after the jump.

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Your move, Apple.

Saturday night, while I was out saving the world from an overabundance of beer, I got an email from Brandon with the subject “Holy Hell” and a link to Darren Rovell’s Twitter. I couldn’t open it on my phone but I assumed it was extremely important because he asked if we could handle the topic in-depth and of course I was like, “Maybe?” When I got home and checked the Rovell Tweet in question, my answer was simple – F*CK. YES.

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton was at the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in Miami – the same one that Jay Cutler and Chad Ochocinco attended last Thursday – and that’s news. It’s sports news, movie news, political news… whatever. Kate Upton is news. So I told Brandon, “You know I’ve got this covered.” And people may be thinking, “Well this isn’t sports-related” and I’ve already mentioned Sports Illustrated, Jay Cutler and Chad Ochocinco, so my bases are covered.

On top of that, I was on the FilmDrunk Frotcast last week and those guys don’t even know who Upton is, like they’re so far above her. Jerks. And even more, Uproxx’s favorite geeky white rapper and son of Tom Hanks, Chet Haze, Tweeted on Friday that he was looking for a hot, young female celebrity to holler at and I suggested Upton. And he totally went for it, so this whole thing is the most important news story you’ll read all day.

It’s Kate Upton. KATE. UPTON. Thank me later.

INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT LIVE ACTION UPDATE AFTER THE JUMP.

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