The Chicago Cubs are 16 games under .500 and lost both games of a doubleheader yesterday, but at least their fans have been solid in the field.

It happened in the ninth inning of San Francisco’s 13-7 victory in the first game of the day-night twofer: Miguel Tejada disproved all known logic and science by hitting a ball into the left field bleachers at Wrigley Field, and a young man (the literal antithesis of that Houston Astros jerk that let a foul ball hit his girlfriend) caught the homer with his bare hands and launched it back onto the field — so far, in fact, that it almost hit Tejada on his way around the bases and rolled into the Giants dugout. I don’t know who this kid is, but I know how his story ends: with an eephus pitch to “Butch” Heddo.

Watch the video here, courtesy of MLB.com, and ask yourself aloud whether or not Tony Campana could’ve made this throw.

The only way it would’ve been better is if the ball had clipped Tejada in the helmet on the way down and knocked him down. If you knock Tejada down, could he even get back up? Is he like a big turtle?

[h/t Big League Stew]

During last night’s Red Sox/Angels game, Boston fans serenaded slugger Kevin Youkilis with a rendition of the Biz Markie classic “Just A Friend,” marking the coolest thing to happen at Fenway Park since that drunk field-runner got gored by security a few days ago. The joke here, of course, is that Youkilis’ last name begins with “you” and he has what the fans need, and also he is overweight and from the 80s. OH BABY YOUUUUUU.

No word on whether or not the third baseman made the music with his mouth.

This might be the thing baseball needs – live, fan-supplied entrance themes. I know I wouldn’t miss a chance to sing “Crazy Train” for Ryan Church, even if it meant Ryan Church was playing baseball again. Having to remember which Metallica song is for Casey Blake and which one is for Phil Hughes could lead to a sabermetric understanding of music. Just remember: Paul Konerko is a Harvester of Sorrow. Like you had to be reminded.

I feel bad that we started the day off with domestic violence and love gone wrong, so I thought maybe now was the time to share a story that tugs on the heart strings a little. The constricted, clogged strings of an enlarged heart. Dale Bemis was one of 13 super lucky people recently inducted into the White Castle Cravers Hall of Fame, leading the world to collectively wonder – “Why the eff does White Castle have a Hall of Fame?” Nevertheless, there is one and Pete Rose again has hope.

Dale earned the honor after he submitted an essay about the final moments he shared with his dying father, as they ate White Castle burgers with extra pickles, and how his wife once randomly ordered burgers with extra pickles while they were dating, telling Dale that it was a sign from his dad to marry her. Or she’s actually his estranged sister. For the sake of romance, let’s hope not.

I’ll take a Crave Case, hold the shortened life expectancy, Chicago Sun-Times:

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With apologies to Jonah Keri and all the other Rays fans out there, I would imagine that there are about 500 thing to do in Tampa Bay that provide a better value than going to see Tampa Bay’s baseball team. I don’t care how good that team is; a night at the ballpark always pales in comparison to a night at the beach. Just don’t tell that to Rays pitcher David Price, whose team is primed to lock down the AL East any day now.

Had a chance to clinch a post season spot tonight with about 10,000 fans in the stands….embarrassing –Twitter feed, via monozygotic.

This obviously begs the question: why the hell does Florida have two teams, let alone one? The Marlins have won the World Series twice and nobody wants to see them. They just dumped those programs out in Florida and totally forgot about them. Now I know how my grandparents felt right before they died. Wow, and I thought baseball was boring. Those people could bore the heroin out of Lindsey Lohan’s veins.

Pictured here is yesterday’s cover for the New York post (click for larger). As you can see, it claims USA WINS 1-1, with the sub-headline “Greatest tie against British since Bunker Hill” — no small feat given the War of 1812.

Now, the New York Post isn’t exactly a bastion of journalism; it once cited The Big Lead as a source. But the predictable puns in its headlines give the paper a sort of classless charm, like your mom after a couple margaritas. And, to the paper’s credit, it likely references the famous “Harvard Beats Yale 29-29” headline, a point completely missed by Mediaite and countless others.

You would think if any country in the world would understand trashy rags with tacky headlines, it would be Great Britain, home of the Sun, the Mirror, and other filth. Nope. Here are some ACTUAL reactions to this headline from England fans:

This reminded me of the ‘Dewey Defeats Truman’ banner headline of the Chicago Tribune back in 1948.  How very embarassing… and it’s not soccer.  It’s FOOTBALL!!!

And the US was playing ENGLAND…not BRITAIN! [source]

Actually, the DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN headline was incorrect because it was premature and presumptive. Perhaps if the New York Post had printed this paper before halftime with the headline ENGLAND WINS 1-0, then it would be like the Chicago Tribune. But that, amazingly, is the LEAST bitchy of the Brit responses:

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Rule of thumb: video of a fan getting kicked in the chest by a basketball player wearing the logo of my seventh-favorite fast food restaurant gets posted. Dude, the team is even named “Burger King.” How awesome is that? I want this happening in American Sports immediately, if only so I can cheer on the Jacksonville Mike’s Hard Lemonade and the St. Louis Tampax Sanitary Napkins. Guess which team would be the bleeder. Yeah, I went there. Video’s after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »