The Granny Shot might be enjoying a bit of a renaissance after this heave from Seattle resident Rhett Brown. During a timeout with 7:59 left in the second quarter, Brown reached down to knee level and heaved a perfect swish to win $77,777. What, no 77 cents? I call bullshit. Especially if this guy is driving all the way down from Seattle just to see a game. Shit, if I knew I was gonna pocket 77 large, I would have done the same. Provided I didn’t have to sit through the first quarter of that game.
In case you aren’t up to speed on your NASCAR telecasts, FOX uses a ground-level cameras called “Digger Cams” during the races, and the network keenly developed an animated gopher character called Digger to really rape the point home. And now “Digger and Friends” is an animated cartoon played during pre-race coverage (see the horrible video below). From the terrifyingly obtuse press release:
Besides Digger, the vignettes feature new characters including his girlfriend Annie, best friend Marbles, Gramps and arch-nemesis Lumpy Wheels.
The Digger characters were conceived by FOX Sports Chairman and Executive Producer David Hill… “The first time I saw Digger pop out of his little tunnel I thought we could really have some fun with this and make our races more entertaining, especially for younger fans,” said Hill. “I really got to thinking about all this when the online effort to name him was so overwhelming. From there we came up with the idea for the vignettes and using him during races as we do Cleatus, our NFL on FOX robot.”
It goes on from there about how FOX is appealing to and gaining young viewers with Digger. And that’s fine, because screw NASCAR fans. But let me tell you something. You see that golden retriever puppy right there? Pretty cute, right? Well, if I turn on my TV on a Sunday this fall and there’s a Cleatus the robot cartoon before an NFL game, I’m going to punch that puppy’s adorable face in. I’ll do it, man. I’ll f-ckin’ do it.
The WWE’s Chris Jericho was attacked by a mob of fans as he left the arena on Saturday night. The problem was, they didn’t seem to be fans of Chris Jericho. After a standoff in which the crowd became increasingly pushy and offensive, Jericho punched a woman, shoved one of the ineffective security guards, and shared his knowledge of the F-word. WWE released the following statement to TMZ:
“After leaving a live event in Victoria, British Columbia on Saturday evening, Chris Jericho’s car was attacked by a mob when he was stopped at a stop sign. Unable to proceed, Chris Jericho exited his car to ask the crowd to clear a path so he could continue through the intersection. A man and a woman physically and verbally assaulted Mr. Jericho. Arena and WWE security arrived to establish enough order to allow Mr. Jericho to re-enter his vehicle and depart. The local police arrived minutes later. Mr. Jericho was unharmed in the incident. The WWE is working with local authorities who are investigating the incident to identify the man and woman who fled the scene.”
Hmmm… seems the WWE conveniently left out the part where Jericho, you know, punched a girl. Don’t get me wrong, she was cruisin’ for a bruisin’. I totally support celebrities and athletes punching anyone who deserves it. Or even people that don’t. I mean, famous people are better than us and above the law for a reason. Try to show some deference.
The Preakness is not only one-third of horse-racing’s Triple Crown, it is also the East Coast’s largest gathering of shirtless white guys in cargo shorts. Attracting lacrosse players and sorority girls from Maryland, New Jersey, and eastern Pennsylvania, the Preakness infield is possibly the most public forum for upper-class white kids to act like drunken assholes.
However, this year, Preakness officials have made a break with history and will no longer allow alcohol or any other beverages into the infield. Instead, 16-oz beers will be available for $3.50 apiece, which translates to “way more expensive per beer than a case of Bud Light” but is still only half the price of a beer at most major league baseball stadiums. Also, in an attempt to divert people from the sole focus of drinking, organizers have booked ZZ Top and Buckcherry, which — ironically — will likely increase people’s focus on drinking.
In case you’re not well acquainted with the ways of the Preakness infield, look no further than Dan Steinberg’s report and the classic video of Port-a-John racing. Sadly, people will be less likely to make a gauntlet of thrown beer if they’ve paid $3.50 a pop for them. But guess what? There’s no limit on the number of ROCKS you can bring to the infield! A tradition lives on!
There were so many reasons to go to the Steelers’ championship parade on Tuesday. For one, you would’ve been surrounded by the beautiful and erudite people of Pittsburgh. You’d be less likely to be involved in a bank robbery. You could hear William Gay sound delightfully insane. But mostly, it would be an excuse to see nosetackle Casey Hampton shirtless. ROWR!!! It’s about time this blog got sexy!
(thanks to Kirk)
Yesterday, while the city of Pittsburgh celebrated its Super Bowl win with a parade that last week it couldn’t afford, a man in Steelers garb attempted to rob a local bank. Wait, what? The banks didn’t close for the parade? And I thought that city loved its football team.
The robber, a white man between 6 feet 1 and 6 feet 3 wearing a Steelers jacket with a gold hood and blue jeans… walked up to a teller with a note that read, “I am not joking, give me all of your money; I have a gun.” The teller told police the suspect put his right hand inside his jacket as if he were hiding a gun but no weapon was observed…
He didn’t get far with proceeds… when a dye pack exploded, covering the stolen money and the robber with… red dye — the color of the defeated Arizona Cardinals. The man tossed the money out of his pockets and Pittsburgh detectives recovered all of the cash taken in the robbery.
Listen, I don’t want to use this as evidence that people from Pittsburgh are failures at life. I keep hearing about Pittsburgh’s growing art scene and the thriving medical research community there. So how come I don’t hear about genius doctors going crazy for the Steelers and doing stupid crap? Is it because they’re not idiots? It’s because they’re not idiots, isn’t it?
