This week, With Leather’s semi-weekly look at the best sports moments from not-sports television shows goes back to its 80s roots to chronicle the jet pack rope climbs, Bushwhacker tag team matches and Grandmama slam dunks of ABC’s TGIF founding father ‘Family Matters.’ You may remember it best as “that show Urkel was on.” Consider it a spiritual sequel to our Full House list.
If you watched the show, you’ll remember these moments. If you didn’t, you should find enough insurmountable 80s/90s cheese in Reginald VelJohnson ALONE to satiate you. So sit back, relax, and repeatedly click the “next” button for the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Family Matters.’ No sweat, my pet!
Anyway, today’s Family Matters reference may be even more direct than “Urkel is doing something” — someone continued the recent string of bizarre, borderline-trolling Minnesota Timberwolves videos by setting footage of the team to “As Days Go By” by Jesse Frederick, AKA the Family Matters theme song. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but Urkel shows up somewhere in the middle, because one time he played basketball.
Now someone needs to make it even greater by giving it a Room 4 U remix.
I wish more people cared about the NBA Developmental League. To the NBA fan, the D-League is an afterthought. To Austin sports fans, our D-League team (the Austin Toros) are a thing you suddenly realize exists when you’re complaining about how we lost our soccer team to Orlando. Personally, I love the Toros. They play okay basketball! Their mascot is a hip-hop dancing camouflage bull!
Maybe what the D-League needs to help its image are more videos like this one, featuring highlights of the annual NBADL slam dunk contest. LD Williams, Chris Roberts, Zach Andrews and Courtney Eldenson put on a fun, awesome show that managed to obliterate the NBA’s Jumping Over Guys Repeatedly boredom contest and gave us the best Grandmama moment since she helped Eddie Winslow win a basketball game 20 years ago.
And yeah, this contest features someone getting jumped over, too (I kept hoping someone would try to dunk over a 1990 Toyota Corolla), but LD Williams’ dunk at the 0:50 mark single-handedly f**ks up the NBA’s Christmas. Let’s get behind these guys, nerds.
The cast for season 14 of ABC’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’ was unveiled this morning, and to answer the questions you may be having so far:
1. Celebrities and tangentially-related people from the world of sports are once again participating, following in the footsteps of former winners like Emmitt Smith, Hines Ward and Shawn Johnson, as well as former hilariously awful losers like Evander Holyfield, Kenny Mayne and Ron Artest.
2. No, I can’t believe ‘Dancing With The Stars’ has 14 seasons, either. It started in 2005, so you’d think it’d have what, maybe seven? But reality shows have seasons corresponding to literal seasons so we’re up to 14, and ‘Survivor’ is about to start season 470.
This year’s sports folk include:
Donald Driver - Green Bay Packers wide receiver and the football player whose name sounds the most like a wrestling finish. I’m calling at least one instance of him running and jumping into the crowd at the end of a dance.
Martina Navratilova - Tennis great and four-time Wimbledon champion. Unfortunately she’s probably gonna get the “WAIT A MINUTE, GAY PEOPLE EXIST? SHIELD THE EYES OF MY CHILDREN BLERGHHH” Chaz Bono dancing celebrity thing.
We’ve talked a lot at With Leather about the racist things you are and aren’t allowed to say about Jeremy Lin’s unexpected run as the HNIC (or its equivalent) of the New York Knicks. We’ve disagreed a lot, and I probably shouldn’t have tried to quote Lean On Me in the previous sentence, but the one thing upon which we could reach a consensus opinion is “if you’ve got something racially sketchy to say about Jeremy Lin, don’t say it in front of a camera or type it on the Internet”.
Unfortunately, Maryland football signee Stefon Diggs has just discovered Lin and didn’t get the memo, so here he is on his Twitter saying Jeremy Lin’s penis is an egg roll and his balls are dumplings, because “China”. And yeah, getting furious and demanding apologies for it are a stupid waste of time, but it’s worth pointing out and just kinda broadly facepalming about.
Personally, I think Stefon should get back into his transformation chamber, turn back into Steve Diggs and be the lovable nerd we all know and love.
Probably the saddest thing ever covered by 24 hour news. They could’ve just put up a picture of Arnold from Diff’rent Strokes and photoshopped his collar popped. The Ebonics in the title are pretty funny too. They should’ve put “ay,” before it.
Reports: Beyonce Gives Birth, Twitter Reacts - They named the baby Blue Ivy because Jay-Z is gonna buy the Chicago Cubs and move them to Kentucky! Blergh! [Smoking Section]
Axl Rose Is A Hungry Time Traveler - Axl Rose is such a microcosm of life on this planet, going from a Stephanie Seymour-f**king sociopathic rock star beloved by Beavis to being a fat guy in comedy photoshops. Such is life. [UPROXX]
Which Superhero Franchise Has Produced the Worst Video Games? A (Sort of) Scientific Study - This is pretty interesting, but I don’t buy that Spider-Man had 11 good games. The closet a Spider-Man game ever came to being good was marred forever by MY BALLOOONNNN! [Gamma Squad]
Creepy Got Milk? Ads Throughout the Years - Nothin’ creepy about Yasmine Bleeth. WEll, until later, I mean. [Warming Glow]
An Exclusive Gif from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie - So it’s come to this: exclusive gifs. Hopefully one day we’ll hype movies by getting the stars to warn you on AIM. [Film Drunk]
Sh*t Wookiees Say Is The Definitive Sh*t Said By Someone - Gonna put together a Sh*t Bodysnatches Say video where it’s just people pointing at you and screaming. [UPROXX]
54 Beautifully Offensive Desktop Wallpapers - Keep in mind, they get pretty offensive. I want to create the opposite of these, where it’s a picture of lynchings or Nguyen Ngoc Loan murdering a dude with CORGIS in big capital white letters in the background. [Buzzfeed]
7 Ridiculous Workout and Diet Commercials - Fat Jennifer Hudson is such a creep. Why are you wearing that? I know for a fact that your household has higher fashion standards than that. /coffee slurp [The FW]
Jaleel White Wants To Be On Breaking Bad - Accidentally knocks over the meth lab, asks if he did that, requests cheese, gets put in a headlock by one or more Bushwhackers. America’s white 20-somethings go apesh*t. [FARK]
‘The Simpsons’ Tries For Guinness World Record - The Simpsons should try to make a funny episode. [HuffPostTV]
Batman Gets Seuss-ified - The best part is that Joel Schumacher already made the modern day Grinch/Cat In The Hat-style Seuss Batman movie, where he’s just sarcastic the whole time and makes adult jokes. It’s called Batman & Robin. [Unreality]