Sometime last year I made a joke about people who follow Arianny Celeste on Twitter, and how she couldn’t possibly have anything interesting to say. I was rightfully called out for it. Just because her job is to hold a piece of cardboard and walk 10 feet (like a homeless person, or that guy in a gorilla costume who stands on the side of the road outside of a Party City) doesn’t mean she’s not a person, capable of the same reason and insights as a prize-winning physicist, or whatever. I’ve tried to avoid jumping to similar, ignorant conclusions.

That said, this ring girl is dumber than a bag of f**king dog food. See that big ROUND 2 sign she’s holding? Yeah, to show that to the crowd she had to walk past a knocked out guy sprawled out on the floor with a bunch of people attending to him.

Here’s the recap, from the hilariously expository YouTube description:

An unattentive round card girl walks by an unconscious fighter being tended to by doctors with a sign indicating the start of round two….except, it’s not the start of round two. The fighter is unconscious because he got knocked out and the fight is over. The victorious fighter tells her of her erroneous ways.

Video is below. It’s worth it for her “lol like I’m supposed to know how this work” shrug when she finds out what’s up.

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“Doing segway” is a sport, right? It’s a thing with wheels. That’s sports enough for me.

Anyway, World Wide Interweb’s latest video of Segway fails is delightful, and a lengthy, illustrated example of why we should not create those Wall-E chairs that let us float around as fat people in space. Highlights include the girl in the banner image running into a wall and getting trapped under her own giant walking device, a bomb squad guy (?) faceplanting, and that horrible thing that happens where you try to catch your balance and end up crotching yourself on the handlebars.

Video is below.

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The adorable banner at the beginning of this video reads FLY UP HIGHER OUR JUMPERS. Little did they know they’d be witnessing a Daiki Ito fly lower than any man in history.

The YouTube description doesn’t do it justice:

The japanese ski jumper Daiki Ito slips on the jump from the beam and head down the ramp track. Fortunately, he is stopped just before takeoff.

Firstly, it doesn’t look like he slipped at all; it looks like he’s never been on a pair of skis before and is trying out the “pizza, french fries” gag from ‘South Park’. Secondly, there’s no “fortunately” about him being stopped before takeoff. Ito earned every second of the hilarity that would’ve come from watching him ass-slide off a ski jump ramp, and the guy who stopped him should be barred from these types of events for life.

Next time you “slip,” just fold your arms over your chest and pretend you’re on a waterslide.

[h/t to Daily Of The Day]

The NHL Lockout is over (HALLELUJAH), so I can get back to talking about what really matters — cats trying to do things and failing miserably. If you’re worried about this not being sports related, two points: 1) it’s Monday morning, so give me a break, and 2) one of those cats belongs to Ray Lewis. (h/t to Bob’s)

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Links

Meet The Awesome Mom Who Made Her Son Sign An 18-Point Contract To Get His First iPhone |UPROXX|

The Best And Worst Of Geek Culture 2012 (Part 1) |Gamma Squad|

The Vikings May Have Lost, But This Minnesota Local News Report Wins Everything |Warming Glow|

Pictured: Arnold Schwarzenegger crushed a car with a tank today |Film Drunk|

The Best Of Vintage WWF Royal Rumble Promos |With Leather|

Vampire Weekend To Release Third Album This Spring |Smoking Section|

Ray Lewis Bid Farewell To The Dirt |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

!–more–>

13 Actors Whose Faces You Know From TV But Names You Don’t |Buzzfeed|

27 Cats Who Can’t Believe What They Just Saw |HuffPost Comedy|

The 12 Most Important Sneakers Over The Last Decade |Giant Life|

Napoleon Wasn’t Short, Vikings Didn’t Wear Horned Helmets, and 3 More Historical Misconceptions |Mental Floss|

What to Say When Someone Knocks on the Bathroom Door |College Humor|

Jackie Chan’s 10 Best Stunts |Unreality|

Cinema’s Most Dynamic Duos of 2012 |Pajiba|

Blackface Is Still Totally Cool in Germany, Apparently |Hypervocal|

Why Seth MacFarlane Sucks |Smosh|

“Top 10 Worst Solo Albums by Superstar Band Members” is just begging for a fight |Fark|

20 Athlete Crushes from Your Childhood |Brobible|

A Close Encounter With A Polar Bear |High Definite|

Here’s The Fail Academy’s Best Fails of 2012. I wonder how hard it is to get tenure at the Fail Academy. Do you have to be really good for a long time, or really bad for a long time? If you’re the dean of the Fail Academy, are you the best or the worst?

Oh who cares, here’s guys falling off cliffs and shit. (h/t to Bob’s Blitz)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

2012 Was A Good Year For Local News Bloopers |UPROXX|

Drake Vs. Walgreens & Macy’s In The War Over ‘YOLO’: Who Ya Got? |UPROXX|

Brooklyn Nets Dump Coach Avery Johnson |The Smoking Section|

‘Amazing Spider-Man’ #700, Summed Up With A Clip From ‘The League’ |Gamma Squad|

With Leather Book Club: Tank Abbott’s ‘Befor There Were Rules: Bar Brawler’ Part 9 |With Leather|

In Case You Forgot, Peyton Manning Is A Total Shill |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Supercut: Famous People Playing Themselves |FilmDrunk|

Here’s The Trailer For Ricky Gervais’ Mentally Challenged Netflix Comedy, ‘Derek’ |Warming Glow|

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Here’s a shot-for-shot reenactment of the Red Bull Space Jump (including a clearly labeled “Earth”), if you pretend like the roof of somebody’s house is “outer space,” and that Felix Baumgartner missed our planet completely and broke his ass on the moon. (via Bob’s Blitz)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

The Absolute Very Worst Movies Of 2012 |Film Drunk|

Grumpy Cats, Lawyer Dogs, And More: The 20 Best Memes Of 2012 |UPROXX|

The 10 Most Important Dogs To Appear On TV In 2012 |Warming Glow|

Dunk Battle: Which Slam Dunk Is The Most Slam Dunkingest (Or Whatever) |With Leather|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

Gather Around And Listen To The Rock And Slick Rick’s 2001 Rap Duet About Pie |Smoking Section|

Not So Fast, Gronk: A Definitive Gallery Of The NFL’s Biggest Meathead Brian Bosworth |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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